Deuces Wild Review
by Rose 'Bams' Cooper (bams AT 3blackchicks DOT com)May 6th, 2002
'3BlackChicks Review...'
DEUCES WILD (2002)
Rated R; running time 97 minutes
Studio: United Artists (MGM)
Genre: Drama
Seen at: Celebration Cinema (Lansing, Michigan)
Official site: http://www.mgm.com/deuceswild/
IMDB site: http://us.imdb.com/Details?0231448
Written by: Paul Kimatian, Christopher Gambale
Directed by: Scott Kalvert
Cast: Stephen Dorff, Brad Renfro, Fairuza Balk, Norman Reedus, Matt Dillon, Frankie Muniz, Balthazar Getty, Drea de Matteo, Vincent Pastore, Max Perlich
Review Copyright Rose Cooper, 2002
Review URL: http://www.3blackchicks.com/2002reviews/bamsdeuceswild.html
Hmm...how can I describe the DEUCES WILD experience? As I watched its trailers, I kept thinking "White Boyz N The Hood", but let's see...take THE OUTSIDERS, blend in the superficial parts of WEST SIDE STORY - then remove all the good, interesting bits. Then mix it with a little bit .. who'm I kidding? *ALL* ... of MONKEYBONE. That'll get you close, but not quite down to the level of inanity of this train-wreck-on-celluloid.
THE STORY (WARNING: **spoilers contained below**)
Well, for the sake of argument, let's pretend DEUCES WILD even *had* a cohesive storyline. It didn't, but let us pretend for a moment.
It's 1950's Brooklyn, and young White males still rule the streets. Ok, you'll laugh at this: two rival gangs - the Deuces and the Vipers - live right across the street from each other, within spitting distance, but they save their Big Rumbles for the breaks in between the dance numbers...well, if there were dance numbers in this movie, that's when the Big Rumbles would occur.
Ostensibly, DEUCES WILD revolves around the Peaceful Deuce Leader, Leon (Stephen Dorff), who really only wants to get his freak on with Betsy (Drea de Matteo), pat neighborhood waif Scooch (Frankie Muniz) on the head a few times, and above all, protect the 'hood from the likes of Vipers meanie Marco (Norman Reedus), who Leon blames for supplying the Demon Dope that killed Leon's brother Al. Leon's not above a beatdown or two when needed, but deep down, he's a Righteous Dude - unlike his hothead brother Bobby (Brad Renfro), who finds himself falling for Annie (Fairuza Balk), sister to Jimmy Pockets (Balthazar Getty), a Vipers dopefiend. Mixed up in all this is Fritzy Zennitti (Matt Dillon), the real muscle in their 'hood; hanger-on Freddie (who, as played by Max Perlich, is as useless a character as Perlich's character on NBC's HOMICIDE ever was); and just when you thought it couldn't get any dumber, the Priest With A Heart Of Gold, Father Aldo (Vincent Pastore).
THE UPSHOT
DEUCES WILD was so bad, it hurt my feelings. I left the theater, depressed and in need of a mindwash. There wasn't one redeeming moment shared in front of or behind the camera in all the dreadful 97 minutes I sat in the audience - alone, I might add, except for this one fellow who for reasons unknown, decided to sit right next to me in a theater full of empty seats. Maybe he needed to share the misery of watching this wretched pile of puppy doo with someone else. As for me, I knew I was in the wrong place early on, when one of the characters posed for the camera right before the car behind him burst into flames. They could've called it a wrap right then and there - because the movie went right down in flames with that car.
Too bad theaters don't have built-in showers; I needed to be cleansed after the slime DEUCES WILD poured over me. Every gesture, every strut, every syllable uttered from the pretentious characters in this movie, oozed with insincerity. Not once, not for a second, did I buy anything those lunatics were trying to sell. The BS in this movie was as badly telegraphed as the hilariously unconnected punches were. Tweaked a little toward the insane side, DEUCES WILD might've served as a comedy; the illogical action and out-of-synch violence were just that badly done. But the supposed humorous parts, were just plain pathetic.
I wish we lived in a time when angry vigilante mobs ran the street. I'm sure I could get a few torches and pitchforks mustered up to go after the stars, the writer, the director, and most of all, the editor of this miserable excuse for a movie.
BAMMER'S BOTTOM LINE
DEUCES WILD was so stupid, so ill-conceived, so badly drawn, it created whole new levels of ugly. I wondered when the next triple-red movie would come down the pike. I wonder no more.
DEUCES WILD rating: triple redlight
Rose "Bams" Cooper
Webchick and Editor,
3BlackChicks Review
Entertainment Reviews With Flava!
Copyright Rose Cooper, 2002
EMAIL: [email protected]
http://www.3blackchicks.com/
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