Doom Review
by Steve Rhodes (Steve DOT Rhodes AT InternetReviews DOT com)October 19th, 2005
DOOM
A film review by Steve Rhodes
Copyright 2005 Steve Rhodes
RATING (0 TO ****): * 1/2
DOOM, directed by Andrzej Bartkowiak (CRADLE 2 THE GRAVE), is yet another movie based on a video game, in this case on Doom 3. The first two thirds of the film, which is never in any hurry to get anywhere, is actually more fun than most video game-based movies since it is frequently funny, often unintentionally so. There is a place in the world for films that are so bad they're good, and DOOM has much such delicious awfulness. But the painfully long and insufferable last act is like being stuck in a bad first-person shooter video game nightmare. Any goodwill with the audience built up in the first two acts is completely destroyed in the last act.
The story ends in a big battle featuring the movie's only named star, The Rock. Trust me, by this point you'll be hoping that everyone dies and the sooner the better so you can beat a fast exit to the fresh air of the real world outside the theater.
When the story starts, it is 2046 and a portal has been opened to Mars, where a lost civilization lived. (If I get any of this wrong and you're a gamer ready to set me straight, don't waste your effort writing me. I couldn't care less. I'm still waiting for my "I saw the movie DOOM and survived!" T-shirt.)
The lost civilization had an extra chromosome which turned some of them into superheroes and others into superkillers. As Sarge, The Rock leads a small group of tough marines to investigate a level five breach -- that's a lot worse than a level 4 breach, I'm sure. After sealing off a place called The Ark, where questionable experiments have been taking place, Sarge leads his men, dressed fashionably in black with big black guns to match the rest of their wardrobe, to battle some unknown bogeymen.
Even though it's a future full of molecular transmissions across space, the guns Sarge's men use are nothing more than machine guns, firing old-fashioned bullets. Sarge does find a really terrific gun (called a BFG -- don't ask) in the research labs there. It fires something that looks straight out of GHOSTBUSTERS. You can tell it has power since it has what looks like a V-8 engine mounted on top of it. See how easy it would be to laugh *at* this film? Sarge uses the gun once and then misplaces it until almost the end.
Sarge's team is a real ragtag collection of grunts. One guy is a pervert with dirty teeth, and another is a religious zealot who feels the need to carve a cross on his body after he takes the Lord's name in vain during a firefight.
The movie mixes in ALIENS with miscellaneous zombie movies as the guys fight their way through a whole host of trouble. The naive women in the film are petite academics who never even bother with body armor or other protection.
The last act is performed almost exclusively in first-person shooter mode. You are behind the weapon held by one of the good guys as he blows people up with maximum gore. Ugh.
This movie is only for fans of the game.
DOOM runs 1:45. It is rated R for "strong violence/gore and language" and would be acceptable for most teenagers.
My son Jeffrey, age 16, gave the film ** 1/2, saying that it was action packed and funny and had cool visuals. He complained that it lacked a substantial story and that the first person part made him dizzy. His friend Dustin, also 16, gave it *** 1/2, commenting that it was a lot of fun and that the first person part was awesome. Among the three of us, only Dustin has played Doom, which he loves.
The film opens nationwide in the United States on Friday, October 21, 2005. In the Silicon Valley, it will be showing at the AMC theaters, the Century theaters and the Camera Cinemas.
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