The Dangerous Lives of Altar Boys Review

by Robin Clifford (robin AT reelingreviews DOT com)
June 26th, 2002

"The Dangerous Lives of Altar Boys"

Life for three teenagers spending their formative years in a small town Catholic high school requires faith in God and a sense that "risk leads to greatness" in the 70's based coming-of-age tragicomedy, "The Dangerous Lives of Altar Boys."

Kieran Culkin, Jena Malone and Emile Hirsch star as Tim, Margie and Francis, three teens coping with the inevitable changes that they must face as each transition from childhood to adulthood over the course of the school year at St. Agnes High School. The boys, with their buddies Wade (Jake Richardson) and Joey (Tyler Long), are avid action hero comic book fans and have even developed their own, individual action figures to represent each of their persona which the talented Francis puts to paper in his journal.

Tim is the firebrand of the troupe and is the instigator of the many pranks the tiny gaggle of rebels perpetrates on the school, in general, and upon their evil nemesis, Sister Assumptia (Jodie Foster), in particular. Francis is the artist that can transform his friends' imaginary heroes into something palpable and detailed. This artistic vision leads to the beautifully rendered action animation by Todd McFarlane ("Spawn") that parallels, on a fantastic level, the trials and tribulations of the teens trying to cope with the changes that life poses them.

Francis, the more level headed one, is also the more weak willed and will follow his best friend, Tim, regardless of how ill-conceived or stupid the prank. He is only mildly miffed when he learns that Tim has been secret sending poems, under Francis' name, to the pretty object of affection, Margie. As the young couple's budding romance develops, Francis learns Margie's dark secrets and Tim continues to scheme about getting at Sister Assumptia, dubbed Nunzilla by the boys. His plans include stealing the school namesake's statue and an even more hair-brained scheme involving a cougar at the local zoo.

"The Dangerous Lives of Altar Boys" is commercial/music video director Peter Care's debut effort, adapting the novel of life in a small town Catholic school. The helmer does a solid job of showing what it's like growing up under the yoke of the Catholic faith. The repressive, sin-fighting atmosphere of the school, personified by the one-legged, ultra-religious Sister Assumptia (who, though the boys don't know it, really does care for them and their faithless souls), is countered by the rebelliousness of the boys, brought to life in the McFarlane animation sequences.

The over-wrought vengeance against Sister Assumptia is the crux of the film and its weakness. The implausibility of the film's climax undermines the coming-of-age story that is fraught with tragedy and angst. The young stars do a decent job developing their individual character, but the earnestness of the script keeps the three characters at arm's length, never allowing me to embrace their troubles. Jodie is ultra serious as the nun that rep's evil to the boys and plays prominent in their imaginative super hero stories. Vincent D'Onofrio gives the films most natural and believable performances as the clueless Father Casey who, when questioned on the subject of sex, gives a hamana-hamana reply then advises his young wards to "turn to the Lord's prayer for guidance."

Todd McFarlane, creator of the "Spawn" dynasty, is tasked with imagining the super hero stories that fill Francis' journal and does such a good job I wanted to keep the anime action going. The live action and its various stories are paralleled by the fantasy figures as the boys, as their super characters, take on the evil, motorcycle driving nuns.
There is a compelling coming-of-age yarn buried under the histrionics of Chris Furman's story and its adaptation by scribe Jeff Stockwell, but I never got the chance to get my arms around the characters and their plights. There are too many story threads, including one involving a ghost, to be effectively handled. Techs are good (kudos to McFarlane and his animation team) and the young stars convincing. I give it a B-.

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