Fantastic Four Review
by Michael Dequina (twotrey AT gmail DOT com)July 19th, 2005
_Fantastic_Four_ (PG-13) ** (out of ****)
The good news: Fox's much-dreaded feature film adaptation of Marvel's venerable "world's greatest comic magazine," _Fantastic_Four_is not the awesomely awful catastrophe all early indications suggested. What it is, however, is still far from fantastic--an overall mediocre movie with some awesomely awful moments.
Damning--or rather more appropriately, dooming--the film from the start is the atrocious screenplay, credited to Mark Frost (falling far and hard from his _Twin_Peaks_ glory days) and Michael France but bearing the unmistakable scars of incessant re- and rush-writing. After the intelligent, respectful riches of _Batman_Begins_, this _Fantastic_Four_ film is a throwback to the condescending Hollywood attitude of "it's only a comic book" merged with the contemporary blockbuster mentality of having the script barely hold together the lavish effects work. There is no story here beyond the familiar-to-comic-fans origin sequence, but even that has been tweaked in that Tinseltown tradition of trying to "top the topper." Indeed, our titular quartet--Reed Richards (Ioan Gruffudd), Ben Grimm (Michael Chiklis), Sue Storm (Jessica Alba) and her brother Johnny (Chris Evans)--respectively become the fantastically super-powered Mr. Fantastic, Thing, Invisible Woman and Human Torch after getting caught in a cosmic storm during an outer space expedition. However, said expedition now occurs aboard not a space shuttle-like vehicle but a space station owned by Victor Von Doom (Julian McMahon)--who also happens to be up there in space and transformed along with them, thus making a major alteration to the classic mythology of the armored archnemesis that will come to be known as Dr. Doom.
But what the writers and director Tim Story do to Doom--making his armor and electrical powers organic, not mere functions of a suit--is just a more dramatic example of how the characters in _Fantastic_Four_ are familiar by name but not quite as recognizable in execution. Alba is undeniably enticing eye candy, but she's all wrong in temperament for the firm yet motherly Sue, not to mention not a convincing peer to Gruffudd's Reed and especially Chiklis's Ben. Gruffudd seems more interested in keeping his American accent straight than making line readings completely convincing as Reed, whose trademark white temples are inexplicably subtle and tend to virtually disappear in distant shots. Evans's Johnny is a bit closer to the hothead punk of the page, but he forgets to make him the slightest bit likable, not to mention he looks markedly older than "big sister" Sue. The only principal cast member completely at home is Chiklis, who perfectly embodies Ben pre- and post-transformation. (He is only outdone by the casting of the Four's trusty mailman, Willie Lumpkin, which is a small but savory moment of sheer genius.)
The convincingly rough and rock-like yet remarkably expressive makeup used to transform Chiklis into the ever-imposing Thing is reflective of the fine technical work on display in the film. The cosmic storm is an impressive sight, and John Ottman's score does its job to aurally punch up whatever's on screen. Sue's invisibility powers are convincing, and Johnny's full-body flame effects are the showstopper it should be. Reed's stretching powers aren't nearly as fluid nor consistent as Elastigirl's in _The_Incredibles_, but for the most part they appear as they do in the comic. Even Dr. Doom looks the part...
...that is, when he finally suits up, mask and all, which comes literally in the final minutes--a tribute to the thoroughly confused writing. After the Four's transformation and their "coming out" during a spectacular series of smash-ups on the Brooklyn Bridge, there is not only not another action sequence until the final stretch, but also no discernible story. Most of the time is spent with the four bickering while locked up in the penthouse of the Baxter Building as Reed tries to find a way to reverse their condition. And Doom? As a scar on his face grows, Victor speaks a lot of score-punctuated evil without ever really doing or planning anything. Talk, talk, and more talk--the very ingredients for blockbuster summer movie excitement.
The tedium is occasionally broken by a laughably boneheaded sequence here and there. Ben's love interest meets him in the middle of the night in the middle of the street... while clad only in a thin nightie, with no overwrap. A special trophy given to Doom for doing good deeds for the people of his native Latveria is revealed to be... the creepy-looking steel mask he will later don. But there aren't enough moments like that to move _Fantastic_Four_ into the realm of ridiculous, hilarious camp. As it stands, it's a fairly dull, thoroughly mediocre adventure--hardly the cinematic treatment Marvel's first family deserves.
(c)2005 Michael Dequina
Michael Dequina
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