Fool's Gold Review
by [email protected] (sdo230 AT gmail DOT com)February 11th, 2008
Fools Gold
reviewed by Sam Osborn
For a showcase of Matthew McConaughey's abs, his tan, and his ragdoll mullet thing, Fools Gold stands no comparison. This film was made for women. Rather, this film was made for girls. Kate Hudson--who, along with Keira Knightley, has mounted an affront against the non-casting of A-cup actresses--is showcased almost entirely within the comfort of her clothing. Mind you, I tend not to write about the bra size and muscular capabilities of those who make movies; but with Fools Gold, there's really little else to talk about.
Rebounding off the success of Hitch, Director Andy Tennant has made a tropical cocktail of a movie with Fools Gold. A virgin cocktail. The story is mounted entirely upon sex appeal, with even the titular treasure having been lost due to a Prince overeager to consummate his marriage. He was horny, to put it plainly, and sailed into a hurricane to get some action.
Centuries later, with the treasure still lost off the Florida Keys, Benjamin Finnegan (you can call him Fin), played by the grinning McConaughey, is broke, newly divorced, and on the verge of discovery. But he's sixty-two thousand dollars in debt to the notorious rapper Bigg Bunny (Kevin Hart) who's put a mark on his head to his flock of thugs (read: entourage). He calls upon his ex-wife, Tess (Kate Hudson), to put brains to brawn. She remembers her marriage to Finn as a crazed couple years. "Finn is good at three things," she says. Treasure hunting, finding people to fund his treasure hunting, and one other thing. What other thing, you ask? Well, sex. All three talents are put to good use throughout the rest of the story, as Tess and Finn bandy about in search of their gold, find a financial sponsor in the Hilton poseur Mr. Honeycutt (Donald Sutherland), and make dirty inside a church basement's archives.
Pretty people chasing pretty gold sounds like a fine old way to spend a dreary winter afternoon; and I have no apprehension towards championing a film of such narrow latitude. But this trash is boring. Never mind that Kate Hudson and Mr. McConaughey share no semblance of chemistry, Andy Tennant and his tribe of screenwriters manage to waste nearly two hours confusing us with the specifics of their fictional treasure. If you thought The Da Vinci Code was confusing, I'd recommend bringing ear plugs to Fools Gold. The fun stops with the six pack abs.
Almost twenty minutes is spent sitting around a table as Tess and Finn sip on daiquiris and ramble on about libraries and medieval anecdotes, fabricated twists to the centuries-old legend, convoluting their treasure hunt to the point of exhaustion. Even the actual hunting for the said gold makes you yearn for the doldrums of National Treasure 2. Mr. Tennant has forgotten the adventure in his adventure caper.
There's even a juicy mango of a set-up in the reuniting of a divorced treasure-hunting couple. Paired together after a messy divorce, there's opportunity for knots of sexual tension between Tess and Finn; even, gasp!, complexity to be found in such a couple. But the two get along like old college buddies at a barbecue.
Fool's Gold is like a cocktail that's been slipped a roofie. It'd be more fun (and probably cheaper) to instead buy a copy of Scuba magazine and US Weekly and read them at the same time. At least then you'd hear some gossip.
Sam Osborn
Originally posted in the rec.arts.movies.reviews newsgroup. Copyright belongs to original author unless otherwise stated. We take no responsibilities nor do we endorse the contents of this review.
