TimeRacer
I don't know why..but I decided to make a list of jokes Men Won't Laugh At (while looking at a book a friend bought me). So yeah...here are a couple:
Q: What do men and mascara have in common?
A: They both run at the first sign of any emotion.
Q: How do you hurt a man with words?
A: Slam a dictionary on his penis. (I'm a girl and that one hurts)
Men come in three sizes: Small, Medium, and GOD YES!!!
Son: Mommy, how do lions screw?
Mom: I don't know son. I've only screwed a pig.
A small boy was lost, so he went to a policeman.
"I've lost my dad!" he said.
"Well what does he like?" asked the officer.
The little boy replied: "Beer and women."
Q: How does a woman's G-spot differ from a golf ball?
A: A man will spend twenty minutes looking for a golf ball.
Q: Why are men like blenders?
A: Every woman has one and doesn't know why!
Husbands are like children. They're cute, as long as they belong to somebody else.
A woman tells her friend, "My husband bought me a mood ring the other day. When I'm in a really good mood, it turns green. When I'm in a really bad mood, it leaves a red mark on his forehead."
Q: Why do men want to marry virgins?
A: They can't stand criticism.
A professor of mathematics left this letter on the kitchen counter:
Dear Wife,
You must realize that you are 54 years old, and I have certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as a wife, and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Hilton Hotel with my 18 year old teaching assistant. I'll be home before midnight.
Your husband.
When he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed letter waiting for him that read as follows:
Dear Husband,
You, too, are 54 years old, and by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Sheraton Hotel with the 18 year old pool boy. Since you are a mathematician, you will appreciate that 18 goes into 54 more times than 54 goes into 18. Therefore, don't wait up.
Your wife
OK, I'll stop now. Sorry, guys. I couldn't resist.
Q: What do men and mascara have in common?
A: They both run at the first sign of any emotion.
Q: How do you hurt a man with words?
A: Slam a dictionary on his penis. (I'm a girl and that one hurts)
Men come in three sizes: Small, Medium, and GOD YES!!!
Son: Mommy, how do lions screw?
Mom: I don't know son. I've only screwed a pig.
A small boy was lost, so he went to a policeman.
"I've lost my dad!" he said.
"Well what does he like?" asked the officer.
The little boy replied: "Beer and women."
Q: How does a woman's G-spot differ from a golf ball?
A: A man will spend twenty minutes looking for a golf ball.
Q: Why are men like blenders?
A: Every woman has one and doesn't know why!
Husbands are like children. They're cute, as long as they belong to somebody else.
A woman tells her friend, "My husband bought me a mood ring the other day. When I'm in a really good mood, it turns green. When I'm in a really bad mood, it leaves a red mark on his forehead."
Q: Why do men want to marry virgins?
A: They can't stand criticism.
A professor of mathematics left this letter on the kitchen counter:
Dear Wife,
You must realize that you are 54 years old, and I have certain needs which you are no longer able to satisfy. I am otherwise happy with you as a wife, and I sincerely hope you will not be hurt or offended to learn that by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Hilton Hotel with my 18 year old teaching assistant. I'll be home before midnight.
Your husband.
When he arrived at the hotel, there was a faxed letter waiting for him that read as follows:
Dear Husband,
You, too, are 54 years old, and by the time you receive this letter, I will be at the Sheraton Hotel with the 18 year old pool boy. Since you are a mathematician, you will appreciate that 18 goes into 54 more times than 54 goes into 18. Therefore, don't wait up.
Your wife
OK, I'll stop now. Sorry, guys. I couldn't resist.
