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"Hello, welcome to the Psychiatric Hotline."

If you are obsessive-compulsive, please press 1 repeatedly.
If you are co-dependent, please ask someone to press 2.
If you have multiple personalities, please press 3, 4, 5 and 6.
If you are paranoid-delusional, we know who you are and what you want. Just stay on the line so we can trace the call.
If you are schizophrenic, listen carefully and a little voice will tell you which number to press.
If you are depressive, it doesn't matter which number you press. No one will answer.

*presses 3,4,5,6*

- You write to your mother in Germany every week, even though she sends you mail from Iowa asking why you never write.

- You're always having to apologize to your next door neighbor for setting fire to his lawn decorations.

- Nobody listens to you anymore, because they can't understand you through that scuba mask.

- You begin to stop and consider all of the blades of grass you've stepped on as a child, and worry that their ancestors are going to one day seek revenge.

- You have meaningful conversations with your toaster.

- You collect dead windowsill flies.

- Every time the phone rings, you shout, "Hey! An angel just got its wings!"

- You like cats. Especially with mayo.

- You cry at the end of every episode of Gilligan's Island, because they weren't rescued.

- You put tennis balls in the microwave to see if they'll hatch.

- Whenever you listen to the radio, the music sounds backwards.

- You have a predominant fear of fabric softener.

- You wake up each morning and find yourself sitting on your head in the middle of your front lawn.

- Your dentist asks you why each individual tooth has your name etched on it, and you tell him it's for security reasons.

- Melba toast sexually excites you.

- When the waiter asks for your order, you ask to go into another room to tell him, because "the napkins have ears."

- You tend to agree with everything your mother's dead uncle tells you.

- You call up random people and ask if you can borrow their dog, just for a few minutes.

- Your main goal in life is to become the president of Bulemia.

- Nearly everything you say involves the word, "P-toing!"

- You argue with yourself about which is better, to be eaten by a koala or to be loved by an infectious disease.

- You like to sit in cornfields for prolonged periods of time, and pretend that you're a stalk.

- You think that exploding wouldn't be so bad, once you got used to it.

- People offer you help, but you unfortunately interpret this as a violation of your rights as a boysenberry.

if rabbit was still here she'd need 2 pay this place a visit.

8675309........oh thats jenny my bad

all of those refere to me

*Shouts Mrs.MM*

Come and press 2 for me babe.

*waits for little voice*

The voices are telling me to bone *cough* I mean burn things

im obsessive..aparently

the voices tell me where osama is hiding

, im not only a psycho and schizo im also a murderous looking person...so...

technically, I'm one

twas the darn test that tricked me! honestly!

is the a way to press all of then

use your whole hand silly

*looks at hand*

I would press 3, 4, 5, and 6, but the other me told me the Hotline was the work of the Devil, and she said that if I did, I'd have to kill myself...

...That's better...

*pinches yerss*

which hand

The biggest one...

but there the same size i no *starts hitting phone in random order with hands*

Well, that's just great! MKS, you've upset the spirits in the phone!

*stares at both hands*

*pinches yerss some more*

mesa didnt mean to *starts to apoligize to phone*

Silver's tryin' ta kill Yerss!

*looks around, then back to his hands*

think the phone is dead

i killed the phone noooo *cries*

im being naughty thas all.......

the phones dead

*shakes with hands*
*looks at them again*
still not working

fine ill leave since im the only normal one here

*pressing yerssles hands*
their all dead i killed all the phones

hey! it worked again
*starts hitting hands against head*
HELLO? HELLOOOO?

no one is answering

*sneaks up behind yerssle*
BOO you woke up the spirits

*kisses yerss's forehead* dont hurt urself u freak

thats why hesa here

hey! it's working! I got a spirit on the line!

yay