mechmoggy
Here's a funny email I received.....
>>Yes, it's that magical time of the year again when the Darwin Awards are
>>bestowed, honouring the least Evolved among us. Here then, are the
>>glorious
>>winners for 2003.
>>
>>The 2003 Darwin Award Winners:
>>
>>1. When his 38-calibre revolver failed to fire at his intended
>>victim
>>during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would be robber James Elliot
>>did
>>something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and
>>tried
>>the trigger again. This time it worked.....
>>
>>And now, the honourable mentions:
>>
>>2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat
>>cutting
>>machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his
>>insurance company. The company suspecting negligence, sent out one of its
>>men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and lost a finger. >>The
>>chef's claim was approved.
>>
>>
>>3. A man who shovelled snow for an hour to clear a space for his
>>car
>>during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his Vehicle to find a woman had
>>taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
>>
>>
>>4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus
>>driver
>>found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from
>>Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the
>>driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free
>>ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the
>>staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre
>>fantasies.
>>The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
>>
>>
>>5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from
>>serious
>>head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received >>the
>>injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close >>he
>>could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
>>
>>
>>6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the
>>counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the
>>man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the
>>clerk
>>promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving
>>the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the
>>drawer...$15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a
>>crime committed?)
>>
>>
>>7. A thief burst into a Florida bank one day wearing a ski mask
>>and
>>carrying a gun. Aiming his gun at the guard, the thief yelled, "FREEZE,
>>MOTHER-STICKERS, THIS IS A **** UP!" For a moment, everyone was silent.
>>
>>Then the s******s started. The security guard completely lost
>>it and
>>doubled over laughing. It probably saved his life, because he'd been about
>>to draw his gun. He couldn't have drawn and fired before the thief got
>>him.
>>The thief ran away and is still at large. In memory of the event, the
>>banker
>>later put a plaque on the wall engraved with the words, "Freeze,
>>mother-stickers, this is a ****-up!"
>>
>>8. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He
>>decided that
>>he'd just throw a cinderblock through a liquor store window, grab some
>>booze, and run. So he lifted the cinderblock and heaved it over his head >>at
>>the window. The cinderblock bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the
>>head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of
>>Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
>>
>>
>>9. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man
>>grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman
>>was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher.
>>Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put
>>him in
>>the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the
>>car
>>and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied,
>>"Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."
>>
>>10. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked
>>into a
>>Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded
>>cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash
>>register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk
>>said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked
>>away.
>>
>>
>>A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER!
>>
>>11. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home
>>parked on
>>a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived >>at
>>the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near
>>spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to
>>steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage
>>tank
>>by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying
>>that
>>it was the best laugh he'd ever had.
>>Yes, it's that magical time of the year again when the Darwin Awards are
>>bestowed, honouring the least Evolved among us. Here then, are the
>>glorious
>>winners for 2003.
>>
>>The 2003 Darwin Award Winners:
>>
>>1. When his 38-calibre revolver failed to fire at his intended
>>victim
>>during a hold-up in Long Beach, California, would be robber James Elliot
>>did
>>something that can only inspire wonder. He peered down the barrel and
>>tried
>>the trigger again. This time it worked.....
>>
>>And now, the honourable mentions:
>>
>>2. The chef at a hotel in Switzerland lost a finger in a meat
>>cutting
>>machine and, after a little hopping around, submitted a claim to his
>>insurance company. The company suspecting negligence, sent out one of its
>>men to have a look for himself. He tried the machine and lost a finger. >>The
>>chef's claim was approved.
>>
>>
>>3. A man who shovelled snow for an hour to clear a space for his
>>car
>>during a blizzard in Chicago returned with his Vehicle to find a woman had
>>taken the space. Understandably, he shot her.
>>
>>
>>4. After stopping for drinks at an illegal bar, a Zimbabwean bus
>>driver
>>found that the 20 mental patients he was supposed to be transporting from
>>Harare to Bulawayo had escaped. Not wanting to admit his incompetence, the
>>driver went to a nearby bus stop and offered everyone waiting there a free
>>ride. He then delivered the passengers to the mental hospital, telling the
>>staff that the patients were very excitable and prone to bizarre
>>fantasies.
>>The deception wasn't discovered for 3 days.
>>
>>
>>5. An American teenager was in the hospital recovering from
>>serious
>>head wounds received from an oncoming train. When asked how he received >>the
>>injuries, the lad told police that he was simply trying to see how close >>he
>>could get his head to a moving train before he was hit.
>>
>>
>>6. A man walked into a Louisiana Circle-K, put a $20 bill on the
>>counter, and asked for change. When the clerk opened the cash drawer, the
>>man pulled a gun and asked for all the cash in the register, which the
>>clerk
>>promptly provided. The man took the cash from the clerk and fled, leaving
>>the $20 bill on the counter. The total amount of cash he got from the
>>drawer...$15. (If someone points a gun at you and gives you money, is a
>>crime committed?)
>>
>>
>>7. A thief burst into a Florida bank one day wearing a ski mask
>>and
>>carrying a gun. Aiming his gun at the guard, the thief yelled, "FREEZE,
>>MOTHER-STICKERS, THIS IS A **** UP!" For a moment, everyone was silent.
>>
>>Then the s******s started. The security guard completely lost
>>it and
>>doubled over laughing. It probably saved his life, because he'd been about
>>to draw his gun. He couldn't have drawn and fired before the thief got
>>him.
>>The thief ran away and is still at large. In memory of the event, the
>>banker
>>later put a plaque on the wall engraved with the words, "Freeze,
>>mother-stickers, this is a ****-up!"
>>
>>8. Seems an Arkansas guy wanted some beer pretty badly. He
>>decided that
>>he'd just throw a cinderblock through a liquor store window, grab some
>>booze, and run. So he lifted the cinderblock and heaved it over his head >>at
>>the window. The cinderblock bounced back and hit the would-be thief on the
>>head, knocking him unconscious. The liquor store window was made of
>>Plexiglas. The whole event was caught on videotape.
>>
>>
>>9. As a female shopper exited a New York convenience store, a man
>>grabbed her purse and ran. The clerk called 911 immediately, and the woman
>>was able to give them a detailed description of the snatcher.
>>Within minutes, the police apprehended the snatcher. They put
>>him in
>>the car and drove back to the store. The thief was then taken out of the
>>car
>>and told to stand there for a positive ID. To which he replied,
>>"Yes, officer, that's her. That's the lady I stole the purse from."
>>
>>10. The Ann Arbor News crime column reported that a man walked
>>into a
>>Burger King in Ypsilanti, Michigan, at 5 a.m., flashed a gun, and demanded
>>cash. The clerk turned him down because he said he couldn't open the cash
>>register without a food order. When the man ordered onion rings, the clerk
>>said they weren't available for breakfast. The man, frustrated, walked
>>away.
>>
>>
>>A 5-STAR STUPIDITY AWARD WINNER!
>>
>>11. When a man attempted to siphon gasoline from a motor home
>>parked on
>>a Seattle street, he got much more than he bargained for. Police arrived >>at
>>the scene to find a very sick man curled up next to a motor home near
>>spilled sewage. A police spokesman said that the man admitted to trying to
>>steal gasoline and plugged his siphon hose into the motor home's sewage
>>tank
>>by mistake. The owner of the vehicle declined to press charges, saying
>>that
>>it was the best laugh he'd ever had.