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help me! i like to feel the pain! i like to cry, i like to be upset, i like it all! if my dad upsets me (which, if i talk to him, is every night) i beat myself up. not fully of course....but i punch myself places where people won't see, so they wont question (such as my thighs, my hips, my upper arms etc) until i bruise! or ill burn myself with the hair straigtner...all thos stuff!
and sometimes......this is the worse bit......sometimes i wish people i love will die so i can cry and cry and feel so upset. i mean, after i think that, i tell myself to stop it...but it still scares me that those thoughts even enter my mind! it's not for attention....i like to be alone when im upset.....and frankly, im upset quite a lot whats wrong with me?

Masochistic. You enjoy pain. Just a guess.

whats masochistic??


and....is there something wrong that i beat myself up??

how old are you?
i heard this on loveline on the radio, if you are like 14 thru 17, its normal. but if your cutting or burning yourself then you need to see a therapist or talk to someone you know. dont tell your parents or they will freak out and think your a raging ball of screwed up hormones, so just talk to one of your close friends and see what they say.but whatever you do you need to stop. o where you ever abused when you were younger?

Yes, there is something wrong, seek help immediatley

A Masochist is somebody who likes pain. Perhaps that is "what is wrong with you." Not that there is anything wrong with that... just dont take it too far.

@ corran - im SERIOUS!

@ spicy - im a day younger then you
no i wasnt beaten up when i was younger...at least i dont THINK so!
id never tell my parents coz im not close with em!
and my friends....well theyre another problem in my life....i cant tell them

Yes, then seek help immediately.

phth, help smelp......i refuse any help.....




ok guys i really need help with this!
spicy was born 23 may 1990
i was born 24 may 1990
that makes him a day older then me .................................... right?

that is creepy

what is?

Have you ever had anyone you loved and were close to die? I think if that actually happened you'd be really sad that they were gone.

???? If these are indeed your true feelings, then you need to get some help. Inflicting pain upon ones self for pleasure points towards some serious issues that need to be resolved.

I don't want to sound perverted or disturbed, but sometimes a little pain is enjoyable. I'm not saying go mutilate yourself or deform your body for pleassure. At a young age is not really good to hurt yourself. I suggest to seek other ways to release your feelings. Pain is something we all experience, but don't use pain to hurt yourself. It's just not a good thing to do.

hmmmm ... my sister kinda strnage with pain ... she has cuts and bruises all over her arms and legs and she keeps proding them and she says she enjoys the pain it makes when she soes it ???

Is your sister Misha???

hun, I had the same prob as you but I learned to controll it.
you need disaplin, do you take a martial arts or a yaga class? If not I suggest it. It does wonders to the self confidence and to the self mutilation thingy.

And those thoughts you have, your not the only one. who hasnt thought of their parents dying when your mad/distressed/or gennerally upset.
I'm gonna be 18 in a couple of months and I've only in the past year gotten over the self mutilation, tough I've traded it for a job that does it for me LOL

Please seek profesional help for your problem, asking this all to people who have not the correct education for this (or any at all in some cases) here on KMC, is not how it can be solved

Oh dear, Misha mate, you need to be locked in a psychiatric unit for 27 years, until you are fit to be released into society once more. You are evidently a loony nutball, I would be extremely afraid if I ever came across you in real life.

I now fear for my life



JUST KIDDING GIRL!!!

Nah, seriously, I know exactly what you mean. We've all had dark and disturbing thoughts about people dying, and then reacted in a terrified manner at what we've just imagined. And then we wonder how our minds can let us think like this, and enjoy it. It's perfectly normal, it just means that you've got an overactive imagination and waaaaay too much time on your hands. Get a hobby, find something to keep your mind active and FFS, stop hurting yourself. What is it actually doing to benefit you? I self harmed for a long time, but kept it to myself, and when I look back I actually think it's more logical to do it for attention, at least that way you can say it had some point to it. If you're keeping it low, why the hell are you doing it? We all enjoy pain to some degree, IMO it's just a heightened form of pleasure. For example, ice is refreshing, nice and cool, and a pleasurable feeling, but were your leg to freeze and fall off it'd hurt like hell. Therefore the pain is just an extension of the pleasure, it just depends on limits and how far we, as individuals, choose to take them.

I hope I've helped sweetie, and come to me if you really need a chat xxx

no she's not my sis is a fruit loop

Just a generalisation, but I think she was asking for an unbiased opinion from people she's never met, who can give clear views. All the members who have ordered her to "seek professional help" probably meant well, but also probably haven't helped much. None of us need the "right education" to give our opinion on her problem surely? I doubt you have the standard qualifications, but you still saw reason to comment.....

I seriously do think you need to seek professional help.

And no I'm not being cruel or mean in any way. That is just my general opinion. I mean clearly none of us are capable of diagnosing anything that Misha may be going through, but if the point of this thread was just for the "Oh don't worry, you're perfectly fine!" reassurance, I won't give it, because something more can come of this if you don't get the help you may need.

It may be simply a stage, but it can also be something more serious for all we know.

phth, help smelp......i refuse any help.....


ok you say you want help but you refuse to go get any...sorry but that doesn't make sense. Obviously you do want help or else you wouldnt be comming on here and asking what to do. You need it and you know you do, comming on here and asking us was a start but your not gonna get better unless you go see a therapist cause maybe you need medication. Your probably depressed...thats what it sounds like anyways. That doesnt mean your crazy or weird it happens to alot of teens. If u cant talk to your parents then don't and if u have to the therapist will or maybe just go talk to your family doctor. As for your friends... if they wont understand then there not your friends, and i suggest you make new ones.

yeah but its always nice to have some on who can sympithize with you, what I mean is I think she may be looking for peeps who have gone through this or know ppl who have.

Thats true it is nice to talk to people going through the same thing but not a cure...like im not a doctor or anything but I was friends with this girl who was very depressed and used to cut herself and at first everyone just thought she would grow outta it. But she didnt and one day i went to her house and she was acting kinda weird and she went into the bathroom and after like 15 mins i was getting kinda worried so i knocked on the door and there was no answer. i opened the door and she was laying on the floor in her own vomit. She had took 6 bottles of pills and had to be rushed to the hospital and get her stomach pumped. The doctors said if i wasnt there she would have died because all her organs were starting to shut down.

So it is nice to talk to someone, but it may be serious and she made need help. If its not that serious well whats it gonna hurt to get checked out?

very true ...

Hmmm....Misha hasn't posted in this thread in a while........

hmmmm; somehow I gave you the idea I was talking to you

you have a serious emotional condition talk to somebody

wow. that's pretty freaky.

thats not gonna help

yeah i think she knows what she said you dont have to tell her again and then say its creepy.....your a real good help thanx.

personally i dont really think she needs professional help. it wouldnt hurt. but as whoever said no one has the education to help. most of us have probably been thru it so someone with the experience would probably be better than getting a lecture from a psychiatrist or therapist. plus if she asked to see a therapist her parents would know there's something up. so, i say just listen to people who have gone thru it in the past or even right now. this is probably just a phase though. so it should blow over in a couple months. you just need to say that whenever you have those thoughts or acts, that it is wrong and that you need to stop or it may never get better. i have faith.

yes....the otf will do that to the lesser folk, so..first thing's first. give up the otf.
then...watch 'girl interrupted' and seek professional help.

you don't WISH people you love would die, you just thought about it...and you also thought about how people (perhaps some particualr people ) would react to that.

my guess is that you're in need of attention..

I agree. Sorry, but what you're feeling isn't normal, especially the part about you wanting loved ones to die. Go to a shrink sweetie.

I used to cut my self cause i had nothin better to, and i have a friend that was so depressed that he looked up the correct way to slit your rists. I thougt about kill my self alot but the only thing that stoped me was that I was waiting for the day everything got better. its might be just a phase, it was for me, but some people take it a little too far. Try to stop and think about how it was when you first started doing this and see if it gotten worse, and if u realize that its worse then try some help.

cutting your wrists isn't exactly rocket science, you can barely miss if you know a bit of how the blood goes

no, but there is the optimum place for cutting. for loosing blood in the quickest way possible.

and the direction of the cut of course

that and making sure you did something that gets your adrnalin running b/c your blood runs faster and its harder to stop....... not that I tried any of this in my past...

k guys were getting off topic....lol i dont think she needs to hear the right way to slit your wrists right now

Dammit Mich, don't do this to yourself, it doesn't help--as you can see, it just makes you feel worse and confused

There is nothing wrong with you You are hitting pubirty pretty hard! Every teenager your age goes through weird stuff, its different for everyone.

Sorry, but no. Teenagers don't usually want their loved ones to die.

She doesn't actually want her loved ones to die... The indication being that when she thinks about how horrible that would actually be, she gets upset.

Misha where are u anyways? havent heard anything back from you in a while

Hi Misha.

There are many instances in that we feel unloved and lonely. Yet, we have to understand that these things are only temporary sensations that the brain experiences in response to daily events. How have you been dealing with stress? friends? family? There are many key roles in your moments of "massochism". I figure that you must have experienced some trauma, yet to a lesser degree. We also have to understand that we can't let these troubling thoughts consume our daily lives, because there is more to life.

There are issues in that you must resolve so you can move on. Maybe the problem with you is that you do not know how to move on with a certain "something" that may have happened to you before. Maybe you can tell us when and where are the moments in that you experience those negative thoughts and reactions? It would be of great help to us, who are willing to help you.

Much Regards,
Mulder

yeah its not that she actually wants them to die. I know ive thought about what would happen if i died and who my true friends are and who would miss me.

She tells herself she doesn't want her loved ones to die, but the fact that these thoughts even enter her head should be a warning that something MAY be wrong. Because I know damn well that feelings like that aren't "just a part of puberty".

They may be nothing, they may jsut be a phase, or they may be something more, something may be seriously wrong and it may be a good idea to get it at least checked out. Can never be to careful.

There is always more than one way to view an event, and how you view any situation influences your feelings and actions. Negative thinking patterns distort your view of yourself and life. They can make you feel down, worried, and stressed out, and they can provoke you into ill-chosen actions.

Learning to say to yourself; "I can fix this problem, because I create my own reality" are one of the first steps out of this problem. Positive thoughts do create a positive reality. Whatever the issues may be...they need to be resolved personally and sincerely.

Considering Misha has been online several times and posted about 50 posts (none in this thread) since her ramblings in this thread yesterday, it seems pretty obvious this whole thread was made up just to create attention.

If this was really a problem she would have checked back in this thread and responded to the 20 or so people who tried to give her advice, so to speak.

we're making sure people get well informed

how do you know

no i havnt. and thats why i get angry at myself for thinking it afterwoods!

no, i mean...when im normal and havnt been upset for a while...then i start thinking 'i wish this person could die so i can cry in my room' then im like 'wtf r u saying that for?'

i have 2 sides.....one is the outgoing me who loves shopping, talking on the phone, friends and all that....but then theres the other me where i love to sit in my room, reading a good book with a coffee...or sit in my room crying

ok firstly i was kidding dont u realise the thing i said next was 'ok guys i need help...if he's born bla bla bla!' i dont want "professional" help because im not that kinda person......i dont like being helped on stuff like this...obviously yall arent gonna bother me about this, like my friends/family would...and if ya do i can just ignore u coz its on the net thats y i asked here!
secondly....i know i need new friends....but theres no1 at school who i'd like to be friends with apart from them! like i said earlier, theres 2 completely opposite sides to me...one side of me loves em, the other hates em!

i dont know if ive said this before, but thats not what i want! i thought u understood now that i DONT do stuff for attention....if i ask something like this, it's not so people say "oh hun dont worry, itll be ok! well work through it" ....... i dont know what i wanted to hear...maybe....i dunno i just wanted to hear what people had to say, you know? i just wanted an oppinion

what kind of girl in your opinion does look for proffesional help when needed then?

like i said i dont do things for attention......i frown upon the people who do things for attention...and doing things for attention just isnt me!

that could be explained if you have had a troubled childhood but you're still too young to say that, right

I disagree with those who said you should seek professional help, it's just some random thoughts you're having and lots people might have them, but afraid to admit, you shouldn't worry imho... it's not like you put them in practise but anyhoo, since I'm no expert, you could get advise from someone more informed in such a subject

@ yers.......i dont know but someone not me....i was gonna reply this mainly to mulder, but since u sorta brought it up......(thisll kinda be off topic to what u asked, but it's on&off topic 2 it if ya get what i mean)
um.....ive had heaps of shit in my life. its fuked up basically! i know that everyone has shit going on in there life....myne is the usual sort of stuf....family.....friends.....jelousy (ive actually been told that not everyone is jelouse of people...but i dunno, i find im quite often jelouse of people) an all that. id say ive had it worse of then "normal" teenagers do....but i havnt had it extremely bad like some...it'd just be in the middle. but the thing that makes it really bad is that im so emotional....it's weired tho...because when someone insults me, i dont care at all! well...i think i dont care...but deep down i do...and all the little stuff just builds up an i just cant take it.......i cry a lot...more than most......i hate my dad. he makes me cry basically every night...........and i think the worse thing is that i like to keep things to myself........i hate it when people try cheer me up when im down........if they ask 'what do i do' i just tell them to leave me alone. and thats what i want. because even though i cry a lot, (ie now) i dont do it for attention.....and thats what makes me keep things inside myself so much....the people who say 'shes doing it for attention' ...... its because of that. i DONT do it for attention, so i dont like the slightest bit of attention when im upset. i hide from everyone, and i dont say a single word...and some times it goes on for days. but eventually the time comes when i have to say something...so i go back to my normal talkative self......i think ive got it all sorted out...but i havnt really, because it's still inside of me....deep down its still bothering me....and it makes me cry so often.

if you open up yourself in a forum, then you definitely don't keep things to yourself, you just haven't found someone you trust enough yet

if you're frustrated by the things you keep down, have you considered taking it out in a sportive way? like boxing?

but you guys dont know half of whats going on inside me!
and theres another thing......my friends...i love them! but theres only two of them who i could open up to (not that the others i dont love/trust as much....its just only 2 ppl in my group are the kind of people you tell your troubles to)....one of them is the "most popular" in the group and shes starting to piss me off coz shes so attention seeking! u know what she said to me 2day? theres this girl who calls her at least 3 times a day (im NOT kidding, ive been there when its happened) and theres this new girl in our group, and the girl who calls my bestie only called her twice in the past week and she said to me
'im so pissed of at blah blah right now.....u know shes only called me twice this whole week and she's been off with blah blah every day!'
and the other one....well....i know i can open up to her...but i know she wont know what to say
so what do i do? come to a forum where i dont even know anyone in real life...and tell them some of my problems? thats not really too good is it?

@ yers....thats wher the punching myself comes into it!
but no, no sports for me......i dont do sports.

about time you hit a pinchbag instead of yourself then

you know... take a look at the news, people suffer out there... I'm sorry to say, but there are much more important things you should worry about if you start being a little bit grateful of what you DO have (i.e. are you healthy? that's the most important thing... do you have people that love you? that too) then you might get a little bit undepressed

*sigh* you just dont understand me.....noone does, and thats the problem! yall are thinking im a selfish little brat right?
well i hope you realise that my goal in life......the only thing thats stopping me from killing myself.....is that im gonna be rich (maybe become a psycoligist or something) and help out the poor....fly to countries in poverty and build shelters for the homless.....build schools for the uneducated!

and so what, your saying that depression is nothing to be concerned about....i KNOW ive got it lucky compared to some.....but its not like ive got the greatest life in the world!
my old s&e teacher once said
"its be great to be rich wouldnt it? you see, rich people dont have anything to complain about! but poor people however....theyre the ones who have it tough"
lets just say that i got suspended for the rest of the week for what i said to him

I don't think you're selfish! it's not a matter of selfishness, it's a matter of experience in life (well, not that I have much, but still )

KILL yourself? oh please! just get undepressed already! you're young, healthy, there are people that love you, more than HALF of the people I know are depressed all the time and seriously? I think that 4/5 is for no reason
might sound harsh, but I'm just not compassionate about this subject, sorry

well maybe if you felt the pain they do then you wouldnt say that?
you obviously think you know whats going on in their life...and whats upsetting them, but has it ever occured to you that they havnt told you whats upsetting them......or if they have...wether theyre telling the truth or not!

I'm not a happy little kid living in Lala Land you know! I don't know what's going on in their minds/lives, I just know I wish not 90% of the people weren't depressed over MINOR details... it's getting repititive

I used to know a man that had cancer and still was much more happy than people that get depressed over everyday things... that's the true power in you, if you can do that

I guess some people are either not strong enough or don't wanna try

again, I'm sorry if I'm sounding harsh, just that I'm very stubborn about this thing and not compassionate at all about it sorry

well im sorry if im sounding harsh too.
but overall, its not what the problem is, its who's dealing with it!
isnt that how it should be? i mean i can agree with you if the circumstances are someone who's lost all their family members and all their friends and who are poor and have nothing to live for...and someone who's lost their lip gloss, and they were both draumatised...its obvious who should be more upset......but no matter how stupid this sounds......it shouldnt matter what the problem is....its how the people deal with it! if the poor person was happy.....and the lip gloss girl was depressed...then let it be.....if theyre happy, when all that stuff has still happened to them, they dont need people feeling sorry for them - that'll just get them depressed. if theyre a strong person, it shouldnt matter....sure thats not the life for anyone to live...but if theyre happy and healthy - why change it? isnt that the importance of life...the POINT of life?? to be happy? if someones not happy, it shouldnt matter what theyre upset about.....they shouldnt have people saying 'let it go, its only lip gloss!' and if theyre ahppy it shouldnt matter what the problem is....its people happyness that matter, and i dont see how people cant see that!

answer me this question..........would you prefer to be
a) happy and dying
or
b) depressed and being rich...having heaps of friends and family who love you?

i know i'd rather have a, because being depressed is no way to live life...no matter what the circumstances are!

I think you need to modify your T-shirt for sale. On the front keep the "I Love Misha," but on the back add, "Join the Early Teen Crisis Club."

hmmm, sorry misha but from what I see here...

you refuse to go to someone to ask for help, we're not even talking about a shrink, just someone who is educated in the field, not just some random person you know from the net... why? "because you're not that kind of girl",... I'm not sure about Australia, but overhere it is not a capital crime to face your troubles...

people have given you advice as best as they can: "talk to a pro", "it's just puberty", "get undepressed" (love that last one ) and you give a whole talk without actually saying something... the only thing you keep saying imo is that it's your problem, not theirs (the evy o posts) or that they don't know what they're talking about (duh, they only have their experience to rely on)
then as pointed out, you say you don't open up to people but you have no trouble posting this all on a public forum were not only the members can read it but also dozens and dozens of lurkers...

my question is just really simple and extremely basic and I want a simple yes or no:

Do you want to be helped?
cause up to this point you haven't been really helping anyone here, not you with rejecting everything everyone is saying nor helping those who are trying to help you

maybe you think these things cause its never actually happened to you and you are just curious of how sad you would actually be if someone you loved did die. I know what its like unlike you, its awful...There has not been one year of my life where someone i know hasnt died or been dying. You are a very lucky girl that way and you need to realize that and start enjoying them being alive.
Another thing, you say you avoid people when your upset cause you dont look for attention? There is a big difference between getting help and looking for attention. Just looking for attention is when you go around and tell EVERYONE your problems, get upset and complain about everything that happens to you even if its not that bad, and sometimes even making stuff up just so people will feel sorry for you. Getting help is a little different....dont avoid your friends when all they want to do is help you. I used to do the same thing when i was your age and eventually everyone will just stop trying to help and think your not fun to be around anymore cause people can always tell when your not happy. Then your stuck with more problems and dont feel like people love you anymore, or that you have no friends. Go tell a close friend or anyone you can trust, tell them to keep it a secret...that way your not just telling everyone your telling one person and im pretty sure there not gonna say your seeking attention. It feels good to get things out to someone and you become alot closer to them. Best friends tell each other everything.You can get over depression if you get help. So tough up cause really i think your just scared and being stubborn by saying your not like that,and refusing our help. Think about yerssots question... and if its yes then do whatever you have to get it, cause your right its not fun living your life being depressed. i know ive been there

Misha-

I believe I found one of the sources of the problem. You have proclaimed to yourself in your mind that noone understands you. By this time, you already closed yourself to the loving trust that people may want to offer you. Secondly, you adjust to the setting that if you punch yourself, everything will be better. That is not the way it works, Misha. What works is finding a positive environment in that you can reflect about yourself. YES! Yourself is what comes first. We are constantly worrying about other people, and yet, when we focus too much attention directly towards other outside sources we forget what we really need. We sometimes get to hard on ourselves, creating a negative reality and surrounding.

Focus on yourself. It is like the famous philosophical saying; "You start with the home, and once peace is resolved, start towards the journey with the other nations"...Its like that! You are the home. Fix your problems.

I suggest you take out your insecurity and false temporary feelings and transform that energy into a positive tool. Such as:

When you are angry...get a squish toy and massage that toy.
Or whenever you feel depressed, watch a movie

ETc ETc...

I still say you need to seek help ASAP

what an idea

the reason i dont want professional help is because i KNOW that they'll tell my parents, who will fuss so much over me....and like ive said before.....im not the one to fuss over myself.....and i dont like spending time talking about me........which i guess sounds strange since im doing it now
and i want you ALL to know that i appreciate this so much! i dont know why......but this just.....i dont know! i just apreciate it and thankyou. dont think that im just rejecting what your saying.....i mean....i dunno!
and ive already said bout the 'not opening up to others but doing it on this forum' its because.....i cry so much, and i think thats another reason why i dont ike talking to people about it...i feel that theyre just going 'urgh, mich's crying again!' but on here....you guys actually say stuff, which my friends wouldnt do...theyd just make me tell em what was wrong...then...half of em would leave because theyre like 'doesnt concern me, i dont care!'
so i want to be helped? id give you a simple yes or no, but its not that simple.....i guess id like to not be like this yeah, but its the stage where i have to DO something about it i dont like and i know that it'd never completely fix it...id always be this way anyway, so it'd just be a waste of time and money really!

a stress ball?

cause your parents love you and will get worried something is wrong with you, you don't want to go... I don't follow so what if they fuss over you? it shows they care, what more do you want ?

well, you can keep it easy:
yes, you want to be helped; then go and see someone for advice, someone who has studied a bit in that field of expertise
no, "cause it's a loss of money and time", then keep it deep down inside, never talk to anyone about it and get more and more frustrated

ok ill keep it down then! everyone drop it ok! dont post in this thred and we'll all forget about it ok

hmmm, somehow my post crept above the quote oh well

sorry, misha, but the only thing that any (sane) being can say about this here is that they are not qualified to say what you should do and you refuse such help
vicious circle, cause those qualified people won't come to you to help you and you won't go to them to get helped

Hey Mish, personally, I would opt for help in some way. Friends are usually the best bet.

but my friends.....theyre..........well theyre ..... i love them! but they could imrpve a LOT in the "friend" way! you see theyre all pretty much biathces....not to me....but it makes me angry at how mean they are to "less fortunate looking" people!

aaa.afraid of rejection. Well...in cases like these...you can always solve the problem on your own. Just stop hurting yourself..and deal with your thoughts until they go away

you call those friends???? another thing that bothers me, you have it so stuck in your head that your gonna be this way forever and you cant change it......YES U CAN! but you don't want our help and you are being stubburn and maybe did u ever think thats why your friends treat you this way?? you ask for help then just snub it off when givin to you. i felt really sorry for you at first when u came on here and i thought u were looking for advice. What was the point of posting this thread then if you werent gonna take any of it? i think your just scared to get help and i dont feel sorry for you anymore because you know what u have to do but you wont do it. So if your gonna choose to be selfish and stay depressed for the rest of your life then so be it thats your choice. sorry to be harsh but you dont make sense and turns out you need more help then i thought.

Ok, you don't want to talk to friends, or parents, or shrink (you don't need one anyway, theres nothing wrong with you) but how about a teacher, school nurse, aunts, cousins, write to a agony aunt, phone one of those teen help lines. I'm sure talking to someone would help. And crying all the time, is not really a problem, i expect its just a phase, your emotional. Hurting yourself, well thats bad, but i see why people do it, but you need to stop, for your own sake! Thinking about family dying, i don't think thats a huge thing, just one of those teen thoughts you have when your depressed and emotional.
Talk to someone. And try sorting out your problems.
And don't worry!

I just mentioned a shrink cause (s)he studied pyschology, not that it's abosultly necessary to visit one for council

I really think you're being childish Misha. Not selfish, wrong word, but damn childish.

I understand that it perhaps took a lot for you to do this, you're not dumb, you knew there'd be people who immediately branded you an 'attention seeker', but I doubt you truly expected the majority of replies to be positive.

First of all, take some time to actually read the whole thread, word for word, because I can see you simply scanning each post and then going into huge rants about your unfortunate existence. Which, I'd like to point out, can't be that bad for the fact that you're perched in front of a computer writing all this. Hun, you can't be that neglected.

Second, once you've read the thread, think about the words each of us have written. We are all being completely genuine, how could we not? We don't know you personally and therefore have no reason to be judgemental, we're saying it how we see it, which is exactly what you wanted if I'm not mistaken.

And last of all, stop seeing your life as such a burden. What did you ever do to deserve this life? Nothing, it just happened. Ergo, don't be so ungrateful for the fact that you wake up every day, breahing, able to do all the things you want to do. You seem perfectly healthy, you don't have a terminal illness, you have all your faculties, and I'd assume you're usually pretty happy when I consider some of your posts and threads.

Like I said before, you are probably just a normal angsty teenager, but if you really need to be certain, what's the problem with actually seeking a professional opinion? At the end of the day, what have you got to lose?

Remember I love you girl, and learn to love yourself, you can't be that bad

misha i know what your going through.


i did the exact same thing when i was younger.


i would always punch myself or bash a few bottles over my head. even worse i set my jacket on fire wile wearing it.



then i realised it was bottled up anger i had.


is there somone who pisses you off that you wanna rip there throat out?


believe me misha after i beat the crap outy of myself not only did i finally get rid of my anger and hate. but i actually loved the pain that i inflicted.


you may be the same.


you may not realise now who or what your pissed off at or abought but one day you will find out and stop what your doing.

You're the one who started this thread, Misha



I thought about doing the same thing you're doing...I almost started cutting myself and crap, but I seriously can't stand pain...But, in another way, I love it, you know? I don't know how to explain it...But, yeah, I think disturbing thoughts about people I love and I enjoyed those thoughts sometimes...Then I just wondered why those certain thoughts crept inside my head in the first place....But if you're beating yourself up and you don't know why, I suggest seeing a phsyciatrist (sp?) and talking to him/her about it. But I think, just like most of the people who replied to this, that it's just anger that you've kept inside you for a while and when you let it out, you're releasing it on yourself.

ok before id say anything...id just like everyone to READ THIS THRED because ive said it before a few times......so this'll be the last time i say it
im not looking for attention....i dont do that! i hate people who do stuff for attention and im definently not one of them!
i DO appreciate what everyones said.....and thankyou to everyone whos spent their time in this thred and posting long helpful things! it may seem like i dont care what youve got to say,...thats why i made this thred.
however. i would go to a phsyc/shrink or whatever, except that so many people have come here saying 'its just hormones....dont worry it happened to me' and they explain the symtons (evolution-its completely correct) and they all match up! and 14-come on...isnt this the "hormonal" age?
another thing to support that (^^ what i just wrote) is the fact that it's MOSTLY the girls who say "yes ive been through that-dont worry hun youll get over it" and its MOSTLY the guys who're advicing the physc! so im guessing not only is it the age....but maybe a little do do with pms?

that being said id like to reply to some posts!
oh and also thankyou to those people who pmd me with their advice i really wasnt expecting it...and it really helped thanx!
@ ltm: when did i say i'd be this way forever? havnt i clearly stated that id get over it eventually? like i said, i DO appreciate yours (and everyone elses) help! and i dont want your pity....i didnt make this thred to get 'felt sorry for' i made it for oppinion...im that sort of person...i ask questions not for attention..not for arguments..and definently not for pity. i ask them because im wondering!


@ weegie: thats a good idea- i have an aunty who i could trust with this sort of stuff and know she'd help me out without me feeling awquard or anything. thanx!

@ syren: but i AM a child! yes i have read the whole thred! but what i did was reply to someones post immediately affter i read it and read no more until id finished replying....which i no longer will do, i will read ALL the posts then reply. just for you yes thats how i want it. the truth not some little lies to make me feel good about myself!
and thats what i think. a teenager with pms...after reading everything here thats what ive come to!

@ evolution: like i said babe....your completely right! its posts like these that make me know its just hormonal!
and i do know who makes me this angry....havnt i said it? its my dad!

well, you heard enough advice for now I take, your choice in the end

I sometimes thump myself just above the chest. It is a fairly standard reaction to frustration.

ok. thankyou for that! (im being serious)

So, Mish, have you decided what you're going to do?

I think you've heard enough to establish for yourself that you're a perfectly normal human being. We're all nuts

hug

Well, I'm a girl who's also 14 and I've never actually DONE any of the stuff you've done...Sure, I've thought about it....But I've never done it...

And I was one of the people who said you might wanna see a physciatrist about it...And again, I'm a girl....So, yeah...

But you could be right about the pms thing...That does make sense

Meh, she's fine, if a little hardcore

lol im a girl too and ive never beat myself up over pms....i dunno maybe you should go on the pill it will help with hormones alot.

I'm a girl too

Glad I could help!

@ pippin:
i did make sure i put stress on the "MOST!" which is exactly why i did it...i know not every one said it...which is simple enough because obviously not every single girl is going to go through the same thing....which brings me to..........

@ syren:
ive decided just to let it go....it makes me happier, im not going to ever cut myself because im so squeamish...so nothing serious is going to happen...im not that stupid! and if it did, it'd be for the best anyway!
and btw i think ive LONG learned that everyone whose been on kmc for longer than a month is very nuts!!!

@ yerss:
ive known that all along girlfriend!!

Oh...Sorry....Guess I didn't see that

s'ok hun

i quite like that post syren

damn straight girl!

winkiss

Anything for a fellow Kook

Want to borrow some of my friends? They're great, and I'd be more than happy to share.

yes plz!

but i mightve found a perfect best friend! at the mo i love her so much!

yo misha where did u live I mean city coz next month Ill go to australia!!

Cool where?

well first Im going to sidney visit my cousin and then we will go on a road trip to many parts of australia and if we have enough money we';ll even get to go to new zealand!!

Excellent.

I know!! I wanna know where misha lives and Ill ask my cousin (chatting in msn with) if we're going there

She lives in WA, looong way away from sydney and the East coast.

ok whats WA??

Western Australia, you know Perth's side of the country allthe way up through the Great Sandy Desert to eighty mile beach.

Amazing the Aussies you can imaging them naming stuff, 'look a great sandy desert, what shall we call it?' or 'look an eighty mile long beach, what shall we call it', even better they called a bay 'shark Bay' cos there's sharks.

IO know nothing of australia, I am going there for my fgirst time! damn and my cousin said we aint going 2 'WA' !

I'm going to Brisbane next month and possibly Melbourne for a day or 2.

kool!! where u from btw?

England, and U?

like everywhere but i born in germany

SO are you In Germany now?

nope moi is in china now

Very nice, I have a 2 day stop in singingwhores on my way to Aus, sorry I meant to say singapore, oops.

cool as....Welcome to de country...wen u guyz cum ere...
Ay misha, deal girl deal....write ur thoughts n shit down man.....stay cool.....

xox...PEACE

i will indeed help you all i can,goto this site i looked up just now,it will help you alot with your problem

http://www.psychnet-uk.com/clinical_psychology/criteria_personality_masochistic.htm

it says somwhere on there that if it's not stopped soon,it COULD lead to Suicidal behavior..and we don't want that
i PROMISE i will help you all i can


Treatment:

Treating a personality disorder takes a long time. Personality traits such as coping mechanisms, beliefs, and behavior patterns take many years to develop, and they change slowly. Changes usually occur in a predictable sequence, and different treatment modalities are needed to facilitate them. Reducing environmental stress can quickly relieve symptoms such as anxiety or depression. Behaviors, such as recklessness, social isolation, lack of assertiveness, or temper outbursts, can be changed in months. Group therapy and behavior modification, sometimes within day care or designed residential settings, are effective. Participation in self-help groups or family therapy can also help change socially undesirable behaviors.

Hey i happen to think that 'The Great Sandy Desert' is very original! We Aussie are great at uniqueness! Though NSW is way cooler than WA!

I think Misha might disagree.

i live in w.a....where your not going glare

omfg baby you just made me laugh so loud! it was a single laugh but it was so loud

i think so too corran!

thanx babe but...im cool now

wow that didnt take long....u know considering it was so serious and u didnt get no help or anythingconfused

no i mean like......i can live with it you know? its still happening, but......im cool with it!

Such a Brave little soldier.

I really dont think that was a smart comment of mine, considering ive never been to WA!
Ah well. If Misha says its great, i'll believe her!

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Mi$hA, dear how are you feeling now, is is getting better, have you asked help. I think that this is a consequence of a problem you have. How long has it beeing going on? But, don't worry time is the best healer, so you just take initiative and everything would be fine.,