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The rules are: It has to be stupid.

Question: Why did the Terminatrix lose the battle against the tree?

Answer: Because 'The Termite Ate Her.' Get it?

very good. I'm not good at making things up.

Oh, c'mon. It's easy. Just think of something really lame to turn into a joke. It's that simple. Here, I'll go again.

Question: Why did Tom Cruise cross the road?

Answer: Because Nicole Kidman was serving up spicy chicken wings with Russel Crowe, and Russel pinched Nicole's butt and Tom Cruise got jealous and tried to stop it, but Nicole reminded him that they broke up and if he wants to see her naked, just watch Eyes Wide Shut and Cold Mountain.

that is lame

i'll think of somethin

See, anything is possible.

Q. What are young yoda's known as

A. Yodalings

Yeah! That was a good stupid joke!

so did i.

There is no try, only stupid joke.

-Yoda

bring back dukes777 and gorilamanx

now thats the funniest thing....

What do you call cheese that isnt yours?


NACHO CHEESE!

Q: What do you call 1,000 heavily armed lesbians?

A: Militia Etheridge.

Classic


Did you hear about the new colour paint? Its called Blonde!

Not very bright, but it spreads easily

lol

that third one is class

lol... very funny

kewl jokes....

lol i try

Marie went to sunday school, but she didn't like it so she always fell asleep in class.

One day the teacher who didn't realize she was sleeping asked her a question, Adam who was sitting behind her pokes her with his pen.
"Jesus Christ!" said Marie
"Right Answer" Said the teacher...
She fells back asleep and the teacher asks her another question, Adam pokes her again.
"God Almighty!!" said Marie
"Right Answer..."
And again, she fells asleep,
"What did Eve say when she had her 7th baby?" The teacher asks Marie.
Adm pokes her again...
"Damnit Adam if you stick that thing in me one more time I sweak i'll break it in half!"

lol

Q : Whats big and grey, and if it falls out of s tree, it'll kill you?


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A : A carpark

Wheeey.

rapmastas hpw do u think of all them jokes? there hilarius.... and ladygirm that one was hilarius too.

lol i heard one of those, but it was in a church

lol, heres some i get in emails, and dan, some are thought up, some are off the internet

___

It's wise to remember how easily this wonderful technology can
be misused, sometimes unintentionally, with serious consequences.

Consider the case of the Illinois man who left the snow-filled
streets of Chicago for a vacation in Florida. His wife was on a
business trip and was planning to meet him there the next day.
When he reached his hotel, he decided to send his wife a
quicke-mail. Unable to find the scrap of paper on which he had
written her e-mail address, he did his best to type it in from
memory.

Unfortunately, he missed one letter, and his note was directed
instead to an elderly preacher's wife, whose husband had passed
away only the day before. When the grieving widow checked her
e-mail, she took one look at the monitor, let out a piercing
scream, and fell to the floor in a dead faint.

At the sound, her family rushed into the room and saw this note
on the screen:

Dearest Wife,

Just got checked in. Everything prepared for your arrival
tomorrow.

PS. Sure is hot down here.

_____________
heres one off of funny.com

Interesting facts (with interesting comments)

If you yelled for 8 years,7 months and 6 days you would have
produced enough sound energy to heat one cup of coffee.
(Hardly seems worth it)

If you farted consistently for 6 years and 9 months, enough gas
is produced to create the energy of an atomic bomb.
(Now that's more like it)

The human heart creates enough pressure when it pumps out to the
body to squirt blood 30 feet.
(Oh my God...!)

A pig's orgasm lasts 30 minutes.
(In my next life I want to be a pig)

A cockroach will live nine days without its head before it
starves to death.
(Creepy.) (I'm still not over the pig)

Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories an hour.
(Do not try this at home .. maybe at work)

The male praying mantis cannot copulate while its head is
attached to its body. The female initiates sex by ripping the
male's head off.
("Honey, I'm home. What the...."

The flea can jump 350 times its body length. It's like a human
jumping the length of a football field.
(30 minutes...can you imagine??)

The catfish has over 27,000 taste buds.
(What can be so tasty on the bottom of the pond?)

Some lions mate over 50 times a day.
(I still want to be a pig in my next life ... quality over
quantity.)

Butterflies taste with their feet.
(Something I always wanted to know)

The strongest muscle in the body is the tongue.
(Hmmmmmm........)

Right-handed people live, on average, nine years longer than
left-handed people do.
(If you're ambidextrous, do you split the difference?)

Elephants are the only animal that cannot jump.
(OK, so that would be a good thing....)

A cat's urine glows under a blacklight.
(I wonder who was paid to figure that out.)

An ostrich's eye is bigger than its brain.
(I know some people like that.)

Starfish have no brains.
(I know some people like that too.)

Polar bears are left-handed.
(Who knew...? Who cares! )

Humans and dolphins are the only species that have sex for
pleasure.
(What about the pig?)

lol

ok heres 1


a man walks into a doctors office and says
"doc, after 5 children i decided i wanna get castrated."
"well ok, just step into my office...."says the doc.
so after a while the man pulls through his surgery and comes out with a special clip where "it" used to be. he starts to walk down the hall and notices a man with the same clip.
"oh got the same thing done, eh?" says the 1st patient
"yeah curcumsisions really hurt" says the 2nd
the 1st patient stops walking and says to himself
"SHIT! thats what its called".......

OMG im blonde cry

I have some famous last words, but its about roleplaying though. Does anyone want to hear them?

Okay, here's one:

A boy and his mom were watching TV when two of the characers started having sex. the boy turned to his mom and asked what they were doing.

"Oh, they're making cakes, honey." The mom said.

Several time in the future the boy asked the same question and got the same answer, "they're making cakes."

Well one night the boy's mom and dad were having sex when they thought the boy was alseep.

The next day the boy came up to his mom and said, "I saw you and Daddy making cakes last night!"

The mom said, shocked, "how do you know were making cakes?"

"Beacuse I licked the frosting!" the boy said happliy.
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Q. How do you circumcise a Mexican?








A. kick his sister in the chin

May i need to add dearest tht i am blonde....And lame-o jokes like tht will not get you on my goodside.............

if thts how you see us blonde as something tht gives it up so easy....then maybe you need to open your eyes and see us for what we really are. joke or not scott im offended

poor nicci.

woah. Thats alot

yeah... i told you ARCHIVE....

what do you call a mexican with a rubber toe?

A: Roberto

i know

wouldnt it be smart to... you know, actually post a joke in the joke section?

i can't thin of anything

its not hard... i mean look:

saddam, George bush, John kerry, and osama bin laden are on top of the mountain

"i will do the best for my country" saddam says, and he jumps off the mountain

john kerry does the same "i will do the best for my country" and jumps off

bush then says "i will do the best for my country" and throws osama off the mountain

see, not hard, just thought that off the top of my head

Yo Mama is so fat she could sell shade. OOOOHH!!!

oh no you did not just talk about my mom.....

your momma is so ugly she went into a haunted house and came out with a job application

your momma is so fat i drove around her with my car and ran out of gas..

your momma is so stupid she got locked in a grocery store and starved to death

your momma is so fat when she wore a red dress outside people yelled "COOL AID!"

shall i go on?

Yo mama is so fat she gotta iron her jeans on the driveway

you moma is so fat she got babtised at sea world

she make olympic sumo wrestlers look anerixic.

she has TB ... 2 bellys.

try the edit button

your momma is so fat people bungie jump with her painties at 40,000 feet and hit the ground

Yo mama is so fat, she deep fries her toothpaste.

Yo mama is so fat she uses diet soap.

your moma has so much dandruff, a fly landed on her head and thought it was Christmas

well i guess we know who won

i saw that Red Sox before except when i read it... It was the yankee hat the officer kept looking under.... and when the hat is a yankke hat... the jokes much funnier

Yo momma so old that when god said let there be light she was there to flick the switch

Yo momma is so poor she strip dances at chuckie cheese for tokens....

yo momma is so poor when some walked in her house and flicked a booger off the wall she said "hay thats our family portrait!"

yo momma is so fat she plays pool with the planets

yo momma is so fat she turns an airplane into a boat...

yo momma is so big fat and clumsy when she was going to K-mart she tripped over wal-mart and landed on target

yo momma is like a shotgun... two cocks and shes ready to blow

yo momma is so stupid she went to Pay Less and payed more

go to www.jokes.com millions and millions of jokes

A guy was visiting Spain. He needed a camel to explore the city. He goes to the camel place and says "how much is a camel?"
"5 bucks for one day, but we don't call them camels, we call them asses. And you have to scratch it if you want it to stop." say the lady.
The man goes on and see a hot dog stand. he asks for a hot dog. The lady say "2 dollars, but we call them weaners down here."
The man goes over to a bench to eat his hot dog. He then sees that his camel is running away.
He say to the old lady next to him, "OH! Quick hold my weaner while i scratch my ass.

ahhh a formidibal opponent:

your momma is so old, her brest milk is powdered

your momma is so poor when i rang her door bell the toilet flushed

your momma is so poor when i went to her house 2 roaches tripped me and a rat stole my wallet

your momma is so stupid she got fired from the m&m factory for throwing out all the w's

your momma is so old and fat when god said let there be light he told her to get her fat ass out of the way

your momma is so old she sat behind jesus in the fourth grade

your momma is so fat she saw a school bus full of white kids she yelled STOP THAT TWINKIE

your momma smells so bad the U.S army can use her bathwater as a biological weapon

your momma is like a bowling ball, pick her up, finger her, throw her down an alley and she still comes back for more

Your mom is like a big mac, gressy mostly fat and costs under a buck

lol, your mom is like a hardeware store, you go there for a screw

That las one wasn't funny OK.

That las one wasn't funny OK.

Yo mama is so dumb, she thought a quarter back was a refund.

Yo mama is so fat, she's the reason they declared world hunger.

Yo mama is like a hockey player she doesn't change her pad for three periods.

Yo mama so short, she did a suicide jump off of the curb.

Yo mama so dumb, she tried putting M&Ms in alphabetical order.

Yo mama so dumb she climbed a glass wall to see what was on the other side.

here is the funniest joke ever okay u reading......................................................Life...............

A husband and wife, out enjoying a round of golf, were about to tee off on the third hole, which was lined with beautiful homes. The wife hit her shot and the ball began to slice - her shot was headed directly at a very large plate glass window. Much to her surprise, the ball smashed through the window and shattered it into a million pieces. They felt compelled to see what damage was done and drove off to see what happened. When they peeked inside the house, they found no one there. The husband called out and no one answered. Upon further investigation, they saw a small gentleman sitting on the couch with a turban on his head.

The wife asked the man, "Do you live here?"

"No, someone just hit a ball through the window, knocked over the vase you see there, freeing me from that little bottle. I am so grateful!" he answered.

The wife asked, "Are you a genie?"

"Oh, why yes I am. In fact, I am so grateful I will grant you two wishes, and the third I will keep for myself," the man replied.

The husband and wife agreed on two wishes - one was for a scratch handicap for the husband, to which the wife readily agreed. The other was for an income of $1,000,000 per year forever.

The genie nodded his head and said, "Done!"

The genie now said, "For my wish, I would like to have my way with your wife. I have not been with a woman for many years, and after all, I made you a scratch golfer and a millionaire."

The husband and wife agreed.

After the genie and wife were finished, the genie asked the wife, "How long have you been married?"

To which she responded, "Three years."

The genie then asked, "How old is your husband?"

To which she replied, "31 years old"

The genie then asked, "And how long has he believed in this genie crap?" ___________________________________
_____________________________________
A blonde went to an appliance store sale and found a bargain. "I would like to buy this TV," she told the salesman.

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

She hurried home and dyed her hair, then came back and again told the salesman, "I would like to buy this TV."

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

"Darn, he recognized me," she thought.

She went for a complete disguise this time: a brown curly wig, big baggy clothes, and big sunglasses. Then she waited a few days before she approached the salesman again and said, "I would like to buy this TV."

"Sorry, we don't sell to blondes," he replied.

Frustrated, she exclaimed, "How do you know I'm a blonde?"

"Because that's a microwave," he replied. _______________
__________________________
Three guys: a Canadian, Osama bin Laden, and Uncle Sam are out walking together one day. They come across a lantern and a genie pops out of it.

"I will give each of you each one wish. That's three wishes total," says the genie.

The Canadian says, "I'm a farmer, my dad was a farmer, and my son will also farm. I want the land to be forever fertile in Canada."

With a blink of the genie's eye, *POOF* the land in Canada was forever made fertile for farming.

Bin Laden was amazed, so he said, "I want a wall around Afghanistan, so that no infidels, Jews, or Americans can come into our precious state."

Again, with a blink of the genie's eye, *POOF* there was a huge wall around Afghanistan.

"Uncle Sam" (A former civil engineer), asks, "I'm very curious. Please tell me more about this wall."

The Genie explains, "Well, it's about 15,000 feet high, 500 feet thick, and completely surrounds the country; nothing can get in or out - it's virtually impenetrable."

Uncle Sam says, "Fill it with water." ____________________
___________________________________
"Did ya hear I got married?"

"Oh, that's good."

"No, that's bad! She's ugly!"

"Oh, that's bad."

"No, that's good! She's rich."

"Oh, that's good!"

"No, that's bad! She won't give me a cent."

"Oh, that's bad."

"No, that's good! She bought me servants and a big house"

"Oh, that's good."

"No, that's bad! The house burnt down."

"Oh, that's bad."

"No, that's good! She was in it."________________________
_________________________________________
370HSSV 0773H(look at it upside down.)_____________
__________________________
There was this man walking on the beach and he found a bottle. He rubbed it and a genie came out and said, "I will grant you 3 wishes."
The man said, "No Shit!"

Then he all of a sudden had to use the bathroom but couldn't because there was a big cork in his ass. ________________
___________________________________
3 men died and went to Heaven. When they all got there, Jesus was waiting for them. He told them, "I need you to all tell me how you died, then I will decide if you get to stay in Heaven or not." He walks up to the first man and he told him his story, "Well, I thought that my wife was cheating on me. When I got home from work one day, I went in our bedroom to see if anyone else was in there. My wife was taking a shower, but no one else was in there. I went out on the balcony of the apartment I live in and I saw this other man hanging on the edge of my balcony. I was so angry that I started jumping up and down on his hands to make him fall. He fell down 15 stories and landed in a bush, but he was still alive. I went into the kitchen and grabbed the refrigerator and threw it on top of him, then he was dead. After that I felt so bad that I grabbed the gun out of my drawer and shot myself. That's how I died." "Very well," said Jesus. He walked up to the second man and he told him his story. " Well, I was doing pull-ups on the edge of my balcony and I slipped and grabbed on to the balcony below. I was trying to pull myself back up, when all of a sudden, this psycho man came out and started jumping up and down on my hands. I fell down 15 stories and landed in a bush, but I was still alive. Then he came back out and threw a refrigerator on top of me. That's how I died." "Very well," said Jesus. He walked up to the third man and he told him his story. "Well, I'm a robber, and I was in this guy's apartment stealing his stuff. Then when the owner came home I didn't know where to hide, so I hid in the refrigerator." __________________________________________________
__________________________
Mississippians are walking down the street. one is carrying a bag. the first one says "what ya got in that bag?" the second one says "just a couple of chickens."
"if I guess how many there are can I have one?" asks theecond one.
"shoot you can have both of them if u guess right."
"Ok mum..... five? "__________________________
____________________________ A man named JJ was driving down the road one day when he saw this duck walking along the road. JJ stopped and pick the duck up and put him in the front seat with him. Then drove off. The duck was looking out the window when JJ passed a policeman, which come after JJ and stopped him. The officer said JJ had to take that duck to the zoo. JJ agreed so off they went. The next day JJ went out driving again and took the duck along. And again the duck was looking out the window and passed the same policeman. Which stopped JJ again. He said to JJ "I told you yesterday that you had to take that duck to the zoo " JJ responded politely, " Yes I know officer you did. And I took him to the zoo. Today I am taking him to the ballgame. " __________________________________________________
__________________________________

A blonde, brunette, and a red head are stranded on an island. Finally they decided to swim across the 100 mile ocean to their home. On the day they swam the brunette swam 25 miles and drowned. The red head swam 50 miles and drowned. The blonde swam 75 miles, got tired, and swam back. ______________________________________
__________________________________
Two American guys Bob and Jake where sitting on roof laying shingles when all of a sudden a gust of wind blows the ladder down. Bob says "hey Jake I have an idea how bouts we throw you's down there and you can pick up that ladder." "Do you think I am stupid?" Jake says. "I have an idea.....I'll shine my flashlight down to the grass and you can climb down on the beam of light. "Do you think I am stupid Jake? You'll just turn the flashlight off when I am halfway there! __________________________________________________
_______________ Two blondes were at a bar. They decided to cruise around in their new cherry red convertible,but then they realized they locked their keys in the car. After about an hour of trying to get in one blonde says to the other- you better hurry up! there is a storm coming and we left the top down!"

A first-grade teacher asks her students to give her a sentence with the word fascinate in it. A little girl stands up and says, ''Walt Disney World is so fascinating.''

The teacher says, ''No, that's not correct. I said, fascinate.''

Another little girl stands up and says, ''There's so much fascination when it comes to sea life.''

The teacher again says, ''No, the word is fascinate.''

So a little boy in the back of the room stands up and says, ''Well, my sister has such big boobs that she can only fasten eight of the ten buttons on her shirt.''
_____________________________________________
________________________________________
There was a woman who was interested in getting a boob job, so she went to her doctor, Dr. Smith and questioned him about implants. He explained that, before you do anything too serious, there is a method that has worked for a lot of my patients. Every morning when you wake up rub your boobs and say ''Scoobie doobie doobie, give me bigger boobies.'' She did this faithfully for weeks and noticed one day that they actually were getting bigger, she was very impressed.

One morning she woke up, late for work and very rushed. By the time she got on the bus she realized that she forgot to go through her routine. So standing on the bus, while rubbing her boobs she says ''Scoobie doobie doobie, give me bigger boobies''. The man standing next to her says, ''You go to Dr. Smith?'' ''Yes,'' she said, ''how did you know?'' He replies ''Hickory dickory dock!'' ______________________________
________________________________________
There was a man who loved baked beans, but they always had an embarrassing and lively reaction on him.

One day he met a girl and fell in love. When it was apparent that they would marry, he thought to himself, "She'll never go through with the marriage with me carrying on like this." So he made the supreme sacrifice and gave up his beloved beans.

Shortly after that they were married. A few months later, on the way hame from work, his car broke down and since they lived in the country, he phoned his wife and told her that he would be late because he had to walk.

On his way home, he passed a small cafe and the wonderful aroma of baked beans overwhelmed him. Since he still had several miles to walk he thought he would walk off any ill effects before he got home.

He went in and ordered three extra large helpings of beans and all the way home he farted.

By the time he arrived home he felt reasonably safe. His wife met him at the door and seemed somewhat excited. She exclaimed, "Darling, I have the most wonderful surprise for you for dinner tonight!"

She put a blindfold on him and led him to his chair at the head of the table and made him promise not to peek. At this point he was beginning to feel another fart coming on.

Just as his wife was about to remove the blindfold, the phone rang. She again made him promise not to peek until she returned and went to answer the phone.

While she was gone, he seized the opportunity. He shifted his weight to one leg and let go. It was not only loud, but ripe as a rotten egg. He had a hard time breathing, so he felt for his napkin and fanned the air about him. He had just started to feel better when another urge came on. He raised his leg and "Rriiipppp!" It sounded like a diesel engine and smelled worse. To keep himself from gagging, he tried fanning his arms a while, hoping the smell would dissipate.

Things had just about returned to normal when he felt another urge coming. He shifted his weight to his other leg and let go. This was a real blue ribbon winner, the windows shook, the dishes on the table rattled and a minute later the flowers on the table were dead. While keeping an ear tuned in on the conversation in the hallway and keeping his promise of staying blindfolded, he carried on like this for almost ten minutes, farting and then fanning each time with his napkin.

When he heard the phone farewells he neatly laid his napkin on his lap and folded his hands on top of it. Smiling contently, he was the picture of innocence when his wife walked in. Apologizing for taking so long, she asked if he had peeked at the dinner table.

After assuring her he had not peeked, she removed the blindfold and yelled "SURPRISE!"

To his shock and horror, there were twelve dinner guests seated around the table for his surprise birthday party. __________________________________________________
______________________________
There was this Indian chief who was straining to blow a fart but it wouldn't come out.

So he sent his little messenger boy to the doctor and he says, ''Big chief, no fart.''

The doctor gives him a can of beans and tells him to come back tommorrow to tell him what happened.

The messenger boy comes back the next day and says, ''Big chief, no fart.''

The doctor gives him 10 cans of beans this time.

The messenger boy comes back the next day and says, ''Big chief, no fart.'' The doctor gives him 100 cans of beans.

The messenger boy comes back the next day and says, ''Big chief, no fart.''

The doctor gives him 10, 000 cans of beans and says, ''If this doesn't work then nothing will.''

The messenger boy comes back the next day and looks at the doctor.

The doctor anxiously asked, ''Well, did it work?''

The messenger boy says, ''Big fart, no chief!"

Sorry for alll the jokes..... but i wanted to have u guys reading for a while.

In Dutch paarden means horses. Its prenounced pardon.

Inteview with Bill Clinton:

Dutch interviewer: I heard you f***ed horses

Bill Clinton: Pardon?

Dutch interviewer: Yes, paarden

This stupid girl kept tellin us this ova & ova & ova & I SO COULD OF KILLED HER

So I thought I would piss u all of with it!

Knock Knock
Whos there
Me
Me WHO
ME SAY HI!!!!!!!!! SO NOT FUNNY!!!!!

i got the jokes from www.jokes.com i didnt make them up

How man guys does it take to open a beer?

None, it will be open when she drinks it!

yo mammas so skinny she plays holla hoop with cheerios

Yo momma is so ugly se fell on the ground and got a ticket for littering.

Im pretty sure no one else said that... i dont feel like looking

Did you here Monica Luinski is voteing Republican?

Yeah the Democrats left a bad taste in her mouth

Your mom is so small, she can hang glide from a Dorito!