Rules for Surviving a Horror Movie

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Next Venom_girl
ala Scream, List here the helpful tips on horror survival: evil face
1. Sex = Death
2. Don't drink or do drugs.
3. Never say "I'll be right back".
4. Don't split up.
5. Abandoned Cabins aren't.
6. Don't play mysterious tape deck (Evil Dead).
7. Listen for musical changes.
8. It's always behind you.
9. When running from the killer it is generally a bad idea to trip and fall in the mud.
10. Don't mess around with the house keys either, just kick the door down.
11. The killer is already in the house.
12. For nearly assured survival BE the killer. The killer almost always will manage to somehow survive for sequals.
13. The human body contains 30 gallons of blood, even more under high pressure.
14. Don't go upstairs.
15. Nightmares dream sequences are rarely ever "just a dream."
(Got anymore? Keep 'em numbered. stick out tongue )

Dont bother with the wont work smile

whatever you do dont pick up hitchhikers in texas

Next Venom_girl
18. No matter how fast you run, the killer will be infront of you despite the fact that (s)he is traveling at a slower and more dramatic pace. This is attributed to the killer knowing all the shortcuts.

19. You can survive just long enough to scream after your guts have been ripped out.

20.if your friends go missing out in the woods dont bother looking for them,cause they are already dead and looking for them will only result in u ending up the same way

21. It's important to remember the words Klaatu barada nikto especially when it involves an evil army of the undead.
22. Never pick up hitchhikers. You're just asking for it if you do.
23. If a guy says that a man's best friend is his mother, leave the area immediately!
24. You can't reason with the villain, so it's useless to beg for your life.
25. Listen to that crazy guy who keeps warning you about the dangers that lie ahead. HE'S RIGHT!

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26. You don't have to run faster then the killer, you just have to run faster then all of your friends.
27. Don't go near anyone wearing a hockey mask.

28. If people say a house is haunted, it most likely is.
29. NEVER watch a movie with a missing label.
30. If a door is taped shut, don't remove the tape.

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31. If you get bitten by some mysterious monster out in the woods, buy some silver chains and contact your local witchdoctor IMMEDIATELY!
32. Never test a new, untested scientific breakthrough on yourself.
33. If someone is complaining of chestpains and they recently had a spidery alien stuck to their face kill them or leave the area before it comes popping out of their chest.

Darth Nauj
31. after having sex or if not going to the shower naked never leave the door open or unlocked while your alone. the killer will always come out no matter what!! (this goes for the girls with big boobs especailly)

32. If you hear a noise, don't go and investigate.

Originally posted by Darth Nauj
31. after having sex or if not going to the shower naked never leave the door open or unlocked while your alone. the killer will always come out no matter what!! (this goes for the girls with big boobs especailly)

laughing out loud Happy Dance laughing

Next Venom_girl
36. The scary things pop out after long uncomfortable silences...

37) Never be in back of a group of people
38) Never turn your back when opening a door that your friend couldnt open to show off because 50 zombies will be ready to eat you
39) Never go down a mysterious hallway
40) If you see the killer/monster never just stand there and wait for it to eat/kill you hall ass

41.never trust clowns
42.never take your wheelchair bound brother with u into the woods at night,he will only slow u down

43. If you can hear a black man's voice inside your head, stay the **** away from your father.

44. Don't bother with a gun.

45.Never talk to strangers

46.Dont even bother trying to call the police

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47. Pets or small children are usually safe.... USUALLY. But not always in especially messed up ones...

48)If you think you kil the killer or monster be posotive like throw them in an insinerator never turn your back and walk away

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49) The killer or monster will usually "die" at least a couple of times before it's really dead... of course it's not really dead if the writer decides to make sequels...

50) Never be the Black guy

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51) Explosives are generally good for killer / monster destruction or at least killer / monster deterrents.

52) If you go to some place that is somewhat scary run the other way

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53) Stay home on dark and stormy nights.

54. Power tools make very effective weaponry.
55. Never...I repeat...NEVER get revenge on a child murderer by setting him on fire.
56. If your kid's head starts spinning and he/she is speaking in a foreign language that he/she has never learned, call a priest.
57. Remember, the villain can defy the laws of physics and biology. Conventional ways of killing him/her/it might not always work.
58. If you hear kids singing/chanting eerily, then things are gonna go from bad to worse.

59if the hitchhiker you just picked up invites you around for dinner and he tells you headcheese is on the menu,throw him out of the van immediatley and drive like ****

60) never ever ever go dancin gand playing monoploly with the kille rhe shall kill u anyway

Originally posted by BaronOBeefDip
54. Power tools make very effective weaponry.

Hell yeah!
lets just see which characters survived the worst; Lionel and his lawnmower just totally owned a full house of zombies, Ash and his chainsaw/boomstick combo smoked legions of demons, even Shaun got out of pandemonium with just a cricket-bat. Stand and fight instead of run and fall, that's the trick to being the last man standing (or at least getting the coolest death)

never eat french fries in diners on desolate highways as there is probably a finger in it

Originally posted by Pandemoniac

Stand and fight instead of run and fall, that's the trick to being the last man standing (or at least getting the coolest death)

hell yea stand and fight just like in halloween ressurection whre busta rhymes kicked mmyers ass. did that movie ever make it to theaters anyways

Yeah,but it shouldnt have

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62) Coat hangers are also effective instruments of death (i.e. Halloween) but make a poor substitute for power tools.

63) If you know you are going to die by watching the video tape in your hand, don't watch it!

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64) If it's not behind you... then it's above you.

65) if its a desiease u have and there no cure your ****ed my freind the only thing to do spread it aorund like the gay who had aids

66 If the basement light is not working, reframe from continuing your journey down the stairs

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67 If you feel something dripping from the ceiling, vacate the premices immediately!

68) If the scary music just turns off your ****ed

69) If the house you are about to move into has killed all of its previous owners, don't move into it!

70) Listen to the creepy old guy who warns you about the upcoming danger.

71) Running up the stairs and out on the roof is never the best escape. this will only end up making the psycho killer much more angry.

if ur black ur first to go...
and if ur latin (mexican like me lol) than u'll be fine cause ur not in the films much so u can't die.

50) If you are running away from 'something', don't bother stopping a car for the car could ignore you.
51) Never swim in a dark lake at night. Who knows what is under there?
52) Never go to a disco and picked up a strange girl/guy who catches your eyes and likes u though you look like s***.
53) Never leave anywhere alone with a guy or girl unless telling a friend.

73) if your the nice funny guy you will die

74) if you have sex and get pregnate you will die!!!!!

the numbers are getting mixed up. we are now on ..

79) if you see a deserted little cottage deep in the middle of the woods, run away and ask yourself what the f*ck you are doing in the middle of the forest.

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80) Refrain from wandering in the woods when the moon is full.

81) When on a spaceship or among alien ruins if one of your fellow teammates is complaining of stomach cramps (and has recently had a spidery alien attached to their face) shoot them and run.

82) If you are blonde, you will inevitably end up being the dumb blonde who can't remember what keys open the door to your house and fumbles with them, screaming like Faye Ray as the psycho killer comes creeping up behind you.

83) when the monster/killer gets back up dont stop and wait for him to start chasing you again

84)if there on the floor and you've stabbed them dont slowly walk up to them with the short little knife take out the shotgun

85)make sure your gas tank is full

86)always keep keys handy if they break no how to hotwire

87)dont stop at the local police station they never believe you

88) If the community is built up of 14 or less hicks then there is a killer among the crazed inbred family

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89) Never pick up hitchhickers.

90) Masked, psychotic killers are immortal and impervious to pain and injury. If ever you set them afire, shoot them with large amounts of large caliber bullets, run over them with a two ton truck, or push them out of a three story window onto their neck, be extra careful because they are not dead but merely laying extra still until the impending victim is very stupidly about to inch toward them to see if they are really dead. at which point the killer will suddenly sit up for either one last scare, or get up dust himself off and run after them like Jesus. and probably spawn about 3 or 4 more shitty sequels.

91) If a killer is in the house NEVER hide under the bed, in the closet, or behind a door.

92) Also when hiding try your hardest not to do any heavy breathing.

if your going to holiday, dont do it in the wilderness, go into a city and see the sites. trust me, the chances of some nut with a bomb is heaps higher than some immortal super being wandering around looking for you in a city

don't hide in an encosed space (closet, Garage, Shed)
you'll have no room to escape big grin

don't bother fighting the killer/monster just run like hell happy

black robb
Always listen to the creepy old guy

Dont live on ancient indian burial grounds

Hang out with black guys so the killer can kill them while you run away

Do not fall in love with any of the other people you meet running from whatever you are running from because then you will be the next to die. ESPECIALLY if you are a girl.

98. No matter how tiny or where it happens, if you get cut, you will bleed a lot.
99. The villain will usually find a way to come back...even if the explanation as to how or why isn't very clear.
100. You can fight off whole armies of the undead with just a cricket bat.

101 do not scream. no one will here you and that only makes it more fun for the killer and easier to find you.

102 if your the killer say marco and hope that the victem will get soo scared that they do something really stupide o and for u killers say it really kreepy

103) If someone calls asking do you want to die tonight immediately hang up and dial *69.

104) Also try not to be the big breasted stupid blonde. ((They ALWAYS get it))

105) Try not to be the "tough guy" jock cause they almost always get killed with little or no resistance.

106-If you are running away rom the killer and get to your car...the car will NEVER EVER start....

107-If a character lights a match or a candle in the dark room, it has a power of about 100W lightbulb

108-If you know how to stop a killer, or his weak spot, you will die before you can tell everyone...

109. If it's dead, leave it alone.

110. Small children tend to be abnormally cute, innocent, or creepy...unless said child is possessed or Satan's child. Of course, then the creepiness factor still applies.

111. Even if the monster/killer is moving at the speed of a two-toed sloth, he/she/it will still managed to catch up to you.

112. For reasons unknown, birds will attack you at random and peck your eyes out.

113. Never stay at a hotel with a guy who's obsessed with his mother.


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