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To be continued.......

Let me know what you think.

I see people have read, anyone have advice for me? Please be as blunt as you like.

What do you think of the story? Characters? Pace of the action?

Personally, I hate it when people explain the characters at the beginning of a story, it irritates me. You should write about the characters in the story instead of a paragraph before it.

I'm not to sure about the pace of the action, I think in scripts, you cant make the story flow like in a story. But thats my opinion, others will differ.

dont ask for advice in this forum, you wont get any. Everyone on this board is only concerned about their own work

Where would I go to get advice?

im still looking for a good forum the only good ones i can find cost money

i like it i only read a bit, and i thought the character descriptions were great, mainly because i didnt have time to read it all, and am not a big star wars fan it helped me understand sorta what was going on lol, so if enyone doesnt like character descriptions then why the hell did you read them. ill read more later if u want i can attempt advice

ps stealthagent lol u make me LoL!

Unfortunately, what Steatlh says if very very true...

Anyways, looked decent enough to me. As DraconianDevil said, it's less interesting to have a 'This is who this is!' paragraph before the story, instead of someone being described in the story.

Originally posted by boobsmagee
i like it i only read a bit, and i thought the character descriptions were great, mainly because i didnt have time to read it all, and am not a big star wars fan it helped me understand sorta what was going on lol, so if enyone doesnt like character descriptions then why the hell did you read them. ill read more later if u want i can attempt advice

ps stealthagent lol u make me LoL!

Cool, ya for sure. I'd really like to get comments before I move on to part II.