Let's write another screenplay . . .

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Tired Hiker
First lets set some GUIDELINES and see how it works-


Keep it simple, original, and don't submit two posts in a row. In fact, try to let three or four people go before you go again. I'll start it.



Dry cracks web throughout the desert surface like veins. A black crow struts here and about in the hot sun, pecking at the ground, finding nothing to eat. Off in the distance a rumble is heard. The foreground begins to shake. Dust unsettles from the desert floor as the crow flies off and circles the unstable area from above. A bright amber glow streaks into the dusty sky from below the earth's cracks. The ground shakes even more as one of the cracks opens and the desert splits like the Red Sea. The bright glow increases, and up from the vigorously shaking earth arises, that's right, a dancing banana.
Happy Dance
Okay, now you continue . . . .

cue saturday night fever music

The distant rumbles continue like huge footsteps....
Suddenly towering above the horizon a giant gorrila appears carrying a giant stereo from which the music comes from.
He spies the banana....
The music goes quiet, the banana stops dancing, looks around, sees the improbably large ape, tries to make a run for it....
But alas is not quick enough, the ape siezes the banana and bites off an arm and a leg......

The poor banana cries out in agony as the gorilla slowly eats him, enjoying the sweet sweet flavour.
Banana looks up towards the heavens and almost imagins an angel taking him to peace. But Banana snaps out of it to realize the the gorilla has now eaten half his body...

laughing out loud die banana die! laughing out loud

Tired Hiker
Suddenly the gorilla hiccups and then regurgitates the dancing banana's chewed up body and arms and legs. The gorilla then pukes out another dancing banana, but this banana is all in tact, must have been swallowed whole.

BANANA ONE: Andy is that you?

BANANA TWO: Yes, it's me, Derrek!

Andy picks up the pieces of his damaged brother and begins to reassemble him. All the while, the gorilla sleeps in a puddle of his own vomit. As Andy reaches for his brother's arm, the crow from the beginning flies down and swoops the arm away with its claws!

Happy Dance Happy Dance

Both bananas watch the crow fly away in horror as Derrek frantically runs around with a missing arm. Andy tries to calm him down, but Derrek just can't stop running around. After an hour of this, Derrek starts screaming a high pitched scream and starts runnning around faster. The gorilla starts to get annoyed....

"Argh my stomach. I must have eaten something bad!" Tommy (the gorilla) says.
Just then Tommy sees Derrek running round like a demented lunatic.
I'm not putting up with this he says and tries to stamp on Derrek in vain attempt of obliterating him but instead slips on Derreks skin. With an almighty crash Tommy hits the ground causing it to split open....

An intire colony of dancing bananas looks up through the crack in the ground...

Seeing the murdering gorilla they attack with their lil banana machete's

"You will reap the power of the banana", one fearless banana screams as he slashes at the gorilla.
"IM HIT", another banana cries..

Tired Hiker
Suddenly, a giant scoop of icecream falls from the sky and lands on all the bananas.

"SPLIT!" (get it?)one banana screams

"Yay its raining ice cream" the banana shout whilst still chopping at Tommy "All hail the god of ice-cream!"

Tired Hiker

Gorilla: (with a heavy english accent) "I wish I had a silver spoon to to eats all these ice cream and eats all these bananas. The spoon would be mine and only mine and it would be a special spoon indeed!"

The bananas continue chopping at the gorilla, but the gorilla isn't really a gorilla. A loud zipping noise is heard. The bananas look up at the gorilla with sudden curiosity. They realize it isn't a gorilla at all as Backfire 349 climbs out of the gorilla suit holding a chainsaw and wearing a mask made of banana flesh! He pulls the cord on the chainsaw as the bananas scatter in fear.

Backfire: (losing the english accent and speaking in so-cal tounge) "I'll cut you, I'll cut you good, bananas."

HE takes the chainsaw and slices all the bannanas to bita as blood splatters all over the place

Die you f***ers!

He takes more chainsaws and throws them insanely intot he crowd of screaming bannanas, chisling them down to thier bannany bones, blood splashing forming a river of red. Suddenly, F-15s fly over the area dropping bombs, which seem to not effect BACKFIRE. Suddenly, BACK FIRE takes out uzis and shoot up at the F-15s, sending them crashing down to the surface.


OK. We got a gaint guy killing off all of our bannanas.

Tired Hiker
GENERAL - Okay, send our top ops to Backfire's house and turn the place upside down until we find something to blackmail him with.

BANANA SOLDIERS - Sir, yes sir.


The two banana soldiers quietly break into backfire's house. The bananas are disgusted with the skull candle holders (probably real) on the mantle. They cringe with even more disgust at the furniture made of bones and the couches made of banana flesh rather than leather. The two banana soldiers find a photo album binded in banana flesh as well. They open it and discover the most disturbing photos a banana could ever see.

Happy Dance

Tired Hiker
Pictures of tortured bananas, dead bananas, women bananas suffering, children bananas crying for help as backfire looms in the background of each picture with his signiture crome plated chainsaw he nicknamed, 'tickle guts'.

One of the banana soldiers named Perry says,

PERRY - "Hmm, he must not work alone. Someone had to take these photos."

The other banana soldier named Anamaria Bombachagalupe says,

ANAMARIA BOMBACHAGALUPE - "These couches make me soooo horny. Let's spread these photos around the room and have sex on them."

Perry is surprised by Anamaria Bombachagalupe's remark. He thinks to himself, "she must be a double agent."

Suddenly a knock at the door is heard . . .

Tired Hiker
Just as Perry is about to open the door there is a huge earthquake and everyone dies!


Tired Hiker
I decided to finish it since it got old quick. I still don't think backfire is aware that he had one of the most important roles in this movie. Most people would kill for a roll like that.

Tired Hiker
Okay, well . . . looks like I'll go sit in THE BIG LOSER'S corner, or something.

good... this whud be considered the worst thread resurrection

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