Now as I logged in on my hotmail, I found a message from a friend of mine from my LieroX days. We've exchanged a few rows back and forth regarding our life situations before. But this made me feel really bad. So bad in fact that I translated it word by word from Swedish to English just to share with you guys.
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Hi. I don't know exactly how to being. I sit here with tears running down my cheeks, something I've done for a couple of days now. Everything feels hopeless, lost, meaningless, disgusting. I don't know even know what I should feel, think or do.
I've been together with my girlfriend for just over 2 years, we own a 2 bedroom apartment and we have two cats together. We've considered engagement since we fit so well together though it never happen, luckily so.
She is 25 years old, and I 27. She's my third real partner and honestly the best girl I've ever been with, or well, to what I'll tell you about happen.
Caring, nice, loves children, happy, frisky, forward, social, positive, I even thought she had good morals.
She was in other words the dream girl. Until ...
About two months ago we were at a pub together, something that doesn't happen too often. My buddy had gone home, and it was just she and I left, everything was well, we hadn't had a fight in months. To spare you boring details I'll get right to the point:
Just before we're about to go home I accidently bump into a guy with my shoulder, he gets furious, and he must have been on drugs or something, while I'm wondering why he's so upset and trying to calm him down, it ends with that the guy pushes me, I push back to mark my position to which he responds by decking me. He also manages to get in 1-2 kicks on me as I'm down before the bouncers comes and take him away, he was incredibly aggressive and totally uncontrollable so even the bouncers had a bit of a problem with him despite being three on one. I hear him yelling but luckily he's not left outside once we go home.
So far it's not too bad, I mean, I didn't receive any serious injuries, most of us have gotten beaten up during our pub years, nothing too concerning.
Now comes the worst part:
The following week my girlfriend was out with some of her friends, apparently they had been at the same place we were that night. The day after I noticed that she had added a new guy on facebook, to my surprise it was the guy I had a fight with.
I can't be completely sure since I was under the influence of alcohol, but it really looked like him, so I asked her if it was true. Apparently it was true, it was this guy who had struck me down the week before, and kicked me while I was down, as my girlfriend watched it happen, in other words I think that she shouldn't like him!
The answer I got was that she only had exchanged a few words with him at the pub, nothing more, she thought that he was a dork unable to admit that he's wrong, it was also he who had added her and not the other way around, and I cite: "I don't care about facebook, I don't give a shit about who adds me."
OK. I thought it seemed very odd but I didn't really want to overanalyze things.
What followed was however very odd. Suddenly she started clearing her SMS inbox on a daily basis on her cellphone, her call-list, everything. I asked her why she did this to which she gave me the answer: Meh, I just think it's unnecessary to keep all the old stuff.
I and my girl had always been open with this, I could have lend her my phone whenever she wanted, and she hers, and we could both read each other's SMS if we felt like it, we had nothing to hide was both of ours argument, so it doesn't matter.
I thought this was very odd.
She also started spending a lot of time in front of the computer, sometimes she sat a number of ours in a row with headphones on, completely separated from the rest of the world. And each time I checked out what she was doing she sat with a newspaper site up. Now I really started to feel that she was hiding something.
We had less sex and she had now stopped initiate it completely, she who always was so horny, one night it was even impossible to get her wet, she was completely dry down there despite the long foreplay.
The SMS deletion continued, and now she also started spending a lot of time at a friend's house, according to her that is. She could come home late at nights with the excuses that she and her friend had watched a very good movie, been drinking wine, and watch cute kittens on the Internet, among others.
I hate being controlling and jealous, but a friend told me to install a key-logger on our computer to find out what's going on.
Said and done!
A few days later I started check her logs when she wasn't home. It was here that it felt like my heart stopped, my stomach harden, and for a few seconds it felt impossible to breathe, my body went completely cold.
She had apparently only a week after I've been decked by this guy, started to talk with him frequently over facebook. Directly had he started flirting with her, in the beginning she seemed cold, but as the days passed I started noticing that she was flirting back, and it was apparent that they were seeing each other based on the text which said: "Tonight baby <3", "You were wonderful last night" and "You're so evil, poor guy your boyfriend is not knowing anything", etc.
My entire world had collapsed, how the **** could the ***** do this to me?! SHE of ANYONE?! She is REALLY not the cheating type, cute, cares about everybody, and is the nicest girl you'd know. Not a bitchy ****. But she is ****ing with someone else, and not only that, but it is also the guy that hit me just because I walked into him!
I confronted her which resulted in that she cried and told me that she didn't know what it was but that our passion felt to be gone and that we felt more like friends than partners, she need time to reconsider things, she was completely uncontrollable. She have started backing a few things, and went off to her parents to think about things for a few days.
We'll obviously break up now, this isn't acceptable, I'll just have to sell the apartment, she can keep the cats, I don't care for them anyway. I don't care about most things anymore, what I can't understand is how she could do this, it feels unreal, something that shouldn't happen.
What's really annoying is that she has to sleep with the guy that at least I thought was a complete nutcase. WHY is she now has to be unfaithful does it have to be with the biggest idiot I've come across in a while.
I don't know what I want to say, I just want to lighten the load a bit. It feels rather empty now, this was the girl I planned to marry in a few years if it had continued as well as it went in the past. I never thought I'd be out on the dating market again, my life has gotten a 180 turn.
Well, it was nice to vent a bit. Thanks for taking yourself the time to read through the message.
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I mean what the hell do I tell this guy? If my girlfriend did to me I would've snapped. Please, help me, what should I say to him?
Closure rarely exists in the real world, and can't easily be found by confronting someone. Remove yourself from the whole thing as much as possible and let time do its thing.
Also, take any advice you get on the internet - or from others in general - with a grain of salt. Only you know you.
i would tell him to listen to music and find ways to distract himself. This happend to me this month as well, if it wasnt for my friends and family I would probably be sick in bed.
Ive been reading emails trying to look for clues. I even found my ex-password and looked into his emails and that made me even sicker, the fact that he could talk to me then start talking to strangers about sex.
I finally confronted him. We talked and he had told me how he felt. How it wasnt me and just him. How he couldnt be with just one person and had to be free. He made me feel like a little kid starting my first relationship but I realized something, I realized I was not the problem, he was.
I haven't looked into him for a few days now. Ï feel like shit but I feel alot better and I can eat whole foods now. I dont think the hurt will stop soon I dont expect it but I think I'll meet new people and make new friends and that alone with help me towards understand.
So, distract himself from thinking about his girlfriend. Force himsself to be strong. Time does heal all wounds but you never forget.
The saddest thing ive heard was when some guy broke into a family home and tied up the husband and kids. He then raped there mother as everyone was forced to watch because they were tied up to chairs facing the bed. he then killed her and left.
The story does say the protagonist tried to make the girl wet, but failed after being beaten down by another/better man.
"one night it was even impossible to get her wet, she was completely dry down there despite the long foreplay." -Protagonist
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Did anyone else find this extremely odd: "and watch cute kittens on the Internet, among others." If a 25 year old woman used that excuse on me, I'd not be fooled.
I don't think the guy is aggressive. But I did find his spying to be a bit too much.
We only read one side of the story. I'm sure the lady would have something to say about things he had done which drove her away. He might shit and not flush, verbally abuse her, have unreasonable demands, and so forth. For me, I can't ever take sides in these types of things until I hear both sides and then get a third party to back up some things.
It is not the end of the world. This guy will get over it. Tell him that in his next relationship, she should not be such a doucebag. he seems controlling. He may do better if he finds himself a rural chinese gal or a Vietnamese gal: they are generally very submissive to their husbands. Seems like he wants that type of person.
KMC Community Forums
May 7th, 2012 12:21 AM
