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Tassie
Senior Member
Gender: Female
Location: |
 The Secret Diary Of Aragorn Son Of Arathorn
THE SECRET DIARY OF ARAGORN SON OF ARATHORN
Day One:
Ringwraiths killed: 4. V. good.
Met up with Hobbits. Walked forty miles. Skinned a squirrel and ate it.
Still not King.
Day Four:
Stuck on mountain with Hobbits. Boromir really annoying.
Not King yet.
Day Six:
Orcs killed: none. Disappointing. Stubble update: I look rugged and manly. Yes!
Keep wanting to drop-kick Gimli. Holding myself back.
Still not King.
Day Ten:
Sorry no entries lately. V. dark in Mines of Moria. Big Baelrog.
Not King today either.
Day Eleven:
Orcs killed: 7. V. good. Stubble update: Looking mangy.
Legolas may be hotter than me.
I wonder if he would like me if I was King?
Day 28:
Beginning to find Frodo disturbingly attractive. Have a feeling if I make a move, Sam would kill me. Also, hairy feet kind of a turn-off.
Still not King.
Day 30:
In Lothlorien. Think Galadriel was hitting on me. Saucy wench.
Nice chat with Boromir. He's not so bad.
Took a shower. Yay!
But still not King.
Day 32:
Orcs killed: none. Stubble update: subtly hairy.
Legolas told me that a shadow and a threat had been growing in his mind.
I think Legolas might be kinda gay.
Nope, not King.
Day 33:
Orcs killed: Countless thousands. V. good.
Boromir killed by Orcs. Bummer. Though he died bravely in my arms, am now quite sure that he was very definitely gay.
Not so sure about Gimli either.
RIP Boromir.
Still not King, but at least Boromir seemed to think I was. Might however have been blood loss.
Day 34:
Frodo went to Mordor. Said he was going alone, but took Sam with him. Why?
My God, is everyone in this movie gay but me?
Not so sure about me either.
Still not King, goddammit.
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Nov 8th, 2003 09:47 PM |
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Exabyte
Senior Member
Gender: Female
Location: There and back again |
I love the diaries
But the one of the One Ring is one of the best 
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Life is complex: it has both real and imaginary components.
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Nov 8th, 2003 09:54 PM |
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.Dance_Inside.
Senior Member
 Gender: Female
Location: The Island. |
lol 
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EDWARD CULLEN IS MY LIFE.
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Nov 8th, 2003 09:54 PM |
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The Inkeeper
Senior Member
 Gender: Male
Location: With You |
i like theodens
on gandalf " gandalf ruined glorious death scene today, retaliated by telling men he is wearing fishnets under those robes, first to snap the garter wins, who wields the flame of arnor now you poncey tosser"
exa post the 1 about the one ring please
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Im Back 
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Nov 8th, 2003 10:01 PM |
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BingaBonga
**-Away-**
 Gender: Female
Location: U.S. |
could u post the site for them, do they have more now? i've read them all but i just want to add them to my favorites... lol
__________________
**~Bekah~**
◦~The KMC Sisterhood~◦
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Nov 9th, 2003 12:24 AM |
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Ariadne
Frodo Lives
 Gender: Female
Location: US |
I love the diaries!!! My favorite LotR fanfiction. Does anybody know if there's a TT one?
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Ash nazg durbatulūk, ash nazg gimbatul,
ash nazg thrakatulūk agh burzum-ishi krimpatul
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Nov 9th, 2003 12:36 AM |
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BingaBonga
**-Away-**
Gender: Female
Location: U.S. |
yes they are some! i read them like 1 month ago, but sadly i don't know where i found it, just type in Very Secret Diaries in Google, and eventually u'll find them...hopefully...
__________________
**~Bekah~**
◦~The KMC Sisterhood~◦
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Nov 9th, 2003 01:07 AM |
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BOPRecruit 16
Hunter By Nature
 Gender: Female
Location: City of Angels |
"legolas may be kinda gay."
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Nov 9th, 2003 02:35 AM |
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Naz
Super Senior Member
 Gender: Female
Location: |
have you read legolas's his by far the funniest!
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Nov 9th, 2003 02:09 PM |
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Naz
Super Senior Member
Gender: Female
Location: |
hehehe go ringwraiths!
V. Secret Diary of Ringwraith No. 5
Day 1
Just opened Christmas pressie from Sauron. Pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty ring!
Day 1,000,967
Got box of chocolates as Christmas bonus from Dark Lord, again. As per usual, Sauron ate all the toffees and left the strawberry creams. How I detest this life of vile servitude.
Still disembodied.
Day 1,001,056
V. bored in Barad-Dur. Nothing to do but play Scrabble with Orcs. Is v. annoying as Orcs only know Black Speech of Mordor. You try spelling Azg Nazg Gimbatul for a triple word score. Yeah, I didn?t think so.
Day 1,001,102
Suspect Sauron gearing up for something. Walked in on him applying ceremonial sparkly mascara. Suspect he will be v. happy when he has body back and can really dress up again.
Day 1,001,105
Yes, Sauron definitely gearing up for something. Have been given orders to sally forth and hunt down hobbit and close personal hobbit friend, who have somehow gotten hold of Ruling Ring.
Witch-King of Angmar?s suggestion to place pictures of Ruling Ring on milk cartons and wait for calls to come in was ignored.
Day 1,001,106
Have been given brand spanking new horse.
Not for spanking, of course.
Go me!
On minus side, still disembodied.
Day 1,001,107
V. close to nabbing Ringbearer tonight, but head Nazgul suffered attack of giggles while observing excessive cuddliness of Ringbearer and his three ?companions.?
Suspect Gandalf chose Ringbearer on account of big blue eyes and pouty lower lip, rather than possession of heroic-type fortitude.
Will catch up with pretty-boy Hobbit and harem of pint-sized boyfriends in Bree. V. much looking forward to post-slaughter booze-up.
Day 1,001,109
Drat that Aragorn. Drat Isildur and all his Heirs. Generations of pervy Hobbit-fanciers, of no use to anyone. Son of Arathorn has Hobbit-napped the Ringbearer. To combat disappointment at failure to achieve goals set by Sauron, spent all night boozing it up in Bree. Breelanders v. informative.
Drinks: 10 Mai Tais (then impaled innkeeper on swizzle stick)
Killed: 17 human men. Go us!
Day 1,001,115
Have been following Isildur?s heir and pack of Hobbits for six days.
Aragorn obviously into Ringbearer. Sam will kill him if he tries anything.
Day 1,001,116
Got slightly over-frisky with Ringbearer at Weathertop. Aragorn went all wonky and possessive and set me on fire. And indeed, Sam did try to kill me although did not notice had been hit in knees with frying pan until later on.
Day 1,001,119
Met she-elf girlfriend of Isildur?s Heir today. Was so busy laughing at concept of Aragorn the Hobbit Fancier having ?girlfriend? that inconveniently got washed away in stream.
Horse dead, armor all rusted. Must return to Mordor for oiling.
No, not that kind of oiling.
Rather a pervy wraith-fancier, aren?t you, what?
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Nov 9th, 2003 02:11 PM |
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Naz
Super Senior Member
Gender: Female
Location: |
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Nov 9th, 2003 02:15 PM |
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The Inkeeper
Senior Member
Gender: Male
Location: With You |
the best is sauron and elronds,
elrond marched last alliance against me, just cos i sed purple made him look like eggplant, which it does no need to get all prissy
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Im Back
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Nov 9th, 2003 02:19 PM |
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Naz
Super Senior Member
Gender: Female
Location: |
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Nov 9th, 2003 02:34 PM |
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The Inkeeper
Senior Member
Gender: Male
Location: With You |
couls not invite arwen or she would see i hav stolen tiara
__________________
Im Back
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Nov 9th, 2003 03:09 PM |
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Tassie
Senior Member
Gender: Female
Location: |
Can some1 plz post Legolas' if u hav it?
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_________"Viggo used to call me 'elf boy', and I'd call him 'filthy human'. As an Elf, I never got a scratch on me, never got dirty. And Vig would come out with blood and sweat all over him. And he'd say to me, 'Oh, go manicure your nails." -- Orlando.
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Nov 9th, 2003 08:31 PM |
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Naz
Super Senior Member
Gender: Female
Location: |
ok, just a sec
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Nov 9th, 2003 08:36 PM |
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Naz
Super Senior Member
Gender: Female
Location: |
The Very Secret Diary of Legolas
Day One: Whee!
Day Two: I like to run!
Day Three: I look good when I run!
Day Four: I also look good standing still. Running across Riddermark v. good excercise. I swear my butt has just gotten firmer. Is that even possible?
Day Six: Is Gimli staring at my butt?
Day Seven: No wonder he's always lagging behind.
Day Eight: Unnerving moment when bumped into Eomer. Thought he might be prettier than me until he took off helmet. Fortunately he looks like an aardvark. He hit on Gimli but I warned him right off. Nobody tries it on with my dwarf.
Am still the prettiest.
Day Nine: Pile of dead and smoking Orc corpses so not pretty. Aragorn showed off and went on and on regarding hobbits laying about tied up. Do not know why he thinks kinky hobbit games so important.
Still prettiest.
Day Ten: Bother! Fangorn Forest. Leaf mold terrible for my complexion.
Still prettiest but a bit on clammy, unwashed side.
Day Eleven: Bumped into Gandalf who is all sparkly white now. Asked him, "Who do you have to blow to get last bottle of bleach in Middle Earth anyway?" Gandalf said, "The Balrog." So not worth it.
Am rethinking, though. Roots are showing.
Still prettiest although at this rate for how long?
Day Twelve: Asked Gandalf for Balrog's number. Gandalf said I couldn't call him. I told him not to be jealous and posessive. He said he wasn't, it was just that he killed Balrog last week.
Note to self: never date Gandalf.
Day Fifteen: Arrived in Edoras. V. upset. Suspect Eowyn may be prettier than me. Most unexpected as always thought shield-maidens were more hefty, pear-shaped types.
Not the prettiest! V. bitter.
Day Nineteen: Aragorn stood up to Theoden today. Aragorn so butch. Have goosebumps.
Day Twenty: Poke bonnet absolutely hideous. No longer even remotely pretty. Considering suicide.
Day Twenty-seven: Exeunt Aragorn, pursued by wolves of Isengard. On con side: Am stuck with ugly necklace. On pro side: No longer have to wear poke bonnet. Am pretty again!
Day Twenty-nine: Aragorn back. Apparently taking header off cliff not as deadly as one would have thought. Told him to throw me down and shag me senseless, but he just clapped me on the shoulder in a manly fashion and said, "Yeah, it can get a little chapped sometimes but just put some lotion on it."
Aragorn just kind of a wanker, really.
Day Twenty-Nine: Battle of Helm's Deep so embarassing. If was not bad enough to face thought of death at the hands of smelly Orcs in backwater rural province, have now been saved at zero hour by Haldir showing up with really bad weave.
On plus side, Eowyn stuck in rancid cave. Perhaps will develop cave blight. Then I will be prettiest forever.
Day Thirty Battle over. Gandalf always fashionably late it seems. Hopes for after-battle quickie dashed because Aragorn sulking over postcard from Faramir. Is jealous over Ringbearer. Told him Sam will kill Faramir if he tries anything but Aragorn not cheered up.
Sod him. Have received suggestive note from Eomer. Will go see if what they say about men of Riddermark is actually true.
No one has bothered to get Eowyn out of cave yet. Still the prettiest by far!
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Nov 9th, 2003 08:36 PM |
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Naz
Super Senior Member
Gender: Female
Location: |
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Nov 9th, 2003 08:37 PM |
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fini
Hurricane stalker
 Gender: Female
Location: Trinidad |
lol those are sooooooooooo damn funny.
Aragorn:
Stubble so manly , even turning self on.
__________________
Thank you god for the blessing me with Chanel.
She is back with you now, so take care of her
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Nov 9th, 2003 08:51 PM |
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