-KMC referee Mills Dark tells us of how he wasn't always KMC's most annoying, let somehow likeable (like a small cat) peacekeeper.
Those are the headlines!
The KillerMovies Community Forum proudly presents, in association with some obscure brand of lemonade:
THE AC TODAY! (please log in to view the image)
With me, Alpha Johannson Centauri.
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OI! WHA'S GOIN' ON 'ERE?!
Our first story this evening focuses on KMC's much not-heralded but fun, philosophy forum. I use this recreational forum once in a while on a purely interest basis; fine. The effects in the short term are minimal, but what happens when you become addicted? One unfortunate KMCer discovered. I report, report, report.
AlcoholicPoet was a normal poster, just like you and me. Very reliable and he also owns a moustache. He doesn't sound troubled...*Dramatic camera zoom*...but he is. Infact, he has a brain-wrong as large as a planet and an inhuman mind as curved as a boomerang. A few months ago the philosophy forum was quiet, a nice place where people could gather round and talk about all kinds of smart topics. Such as aliens and what happens if you just eat chips. Now, however, it's taken a horrifically funny turn.
Mr. Poet's brain grew a separate and brand new chamber due to all the philosophy in his head. It became independant and decided to play a prank on him. It woke him up, and told him to go on KMC. What followed was a transformation into General QuiteClearIf YouLookCloseEnough....C-captain Obvious.
He went into the philosophy forum, wearing odd socks, and created the very non-interesting and obvious thread of "Would the absence of humans and Earth change the universe?" The poor old rumplug had no idea that it was such an obvious thread. Now a slave to his brain, he thought it was worthy of winning a nobel prize. But it wasn't was it? You silly cock. I catch'd up wif him.
AC: Don't you agree that unless YOU REGAIN CONTROL, the forum gets stuffed?
AC: You must try much harder...
AC: Yeah but try REAAAALLY hard.
He cried and ran off, like some crazy actress, but thanks for talking to us. Back to the studio, Alpha?
Thanks myself. One more quick story before the headlines, AC?
AC: The curse of the 05 member. Are we too nice, or too bloody like crazy animals? The answer is, the last one. KMC's most famous Mr. T impersonator, BackFire , tells us what he thought.
AC: Serious indeed. In other news, conspiracy theorists are a bunch of...
Shut it you! I want you to stop talking. Why? Because it's time for our headlines!!!
KMC's resident music moderator, Deathblow, has taken a leave of absence for quite some time. Plunging the music forum into total, head-rolling chaos.
We couldn't get a hold of the man, who's real name is Wisconsin Rotunda, but sources like Darth Revan who asked to not be named stated that he ran away at the sight of all the shit threads. He's reportedly suffering from a compound fractured mood.
Ahp neeeext: Find it funny at the pain of others? Do you laugh when a man falls over and smashes his bloody skull open? Yes, it's funny. KMC's very own Cinemaddiction (dependancy on visual images, pending) being injured is a completely different mass of sadness however. The movie forum king took part in a thread entitled "Best dance scene in a movie." It was for fun at first, but Cine (Real name Clutch Broadway) took his addiction way too far. He left the forum after a hard days work, then wanted to settle down and watch a movie. The choice? The Sound of Music, oh yeah. During the famous song performances he tried turning into Cine Astaire, dancing on the table and laughing while people watch amazed. Horror stuck the paddock when he slipped off a table after shouting "I'm Cine Wilder" and broke the axel of his left foot. Our injury correspondant Jeffrey Murdockfromtheateam caught up with him.
Jeff: Awoight mate, tell us what happened eh?
Jeff: So what about your mod job? Your ankle's been smashed. Snapped. BANG! Like a stick of dry pasta in a cage with a lion.
Jeff: What movie are you finishing?
Jeff: Excellent stuff...*Makes bomb noises*. Back to you Alpha, in the studio.
Thanks, you bastard.
*Crazy camera action*
GANG MENTALITY AND KIDS!!!!!
"Stop!" you might think, but shut up. Because for some criminalists the biggest invitation to commit wrong-happenings is attempted apprehension.
Le Crew are a gang. Consisting of Ken Kenobi (No relation to that Obi one), Lana, Stefan tha Fro, Rex, Roberto, SlipknoT (not the band, although we cannot guarantee that they aren't affiliated), Ronny the harlot, Irene and Deano. Are these young hellraisers truly raising hell? Or bringing down heaven so that we can all meet God himself and slap him across his face for neglection? Here's the answer:
They cause trouble and they want to kill most of the annoying newbies. Murder is wrong, lives matter, you say? Not in the case of annoying socks. I for one, back Le Crew, but what of others who do not share this vision? Religion specialist Heysoos Christofer reports from inside the churches, like some crazy idiot.
HC: One of Le Crew's congregations has just be adjourned, so I'm going to attempt to get a word from Le Crew (which refers to Lee Croux the groups founder, translated) leader, Ken Kenobi. Ken, what happened? I could sense the air of aggression during this sermon.
*He turns to the side in an attempted cool manner*
HC: It's just like other religions, they're just really more violent and caring. So what does God think? Does he really care? Is he even listening? Or is he dead? Back to you Alpha Johannson Centauri in the KMC news dome high above the city.
Well done then.
And inter-luding: Traffic and nuisance report now! All threads on the welcome forum have been stopped due to Tex spilling his make-up all over the bloody information super-highway, causing all info and threads to skid on it and crash. Posters are piled up for miles. The OTF forum, home of our very own studios, experienced it's very own annoyance-plague, at the hands of Mastrix. Mastrix is currently trying to push "hero-cookies", if you see this man, don't buy any. They don't taste too good and they are made of clay. Poetry forum experiencing NO traffic.
ONE! That's the number of stories we have left tonight, but it's a dramatic one. The one you've all been waiting for...
Mills Dark is KMC's resident really friendly guy. Like the best friend you played with when you were bored until your actual best friend came back from vacation. He hates fighting and tries to solve it where ever he can, though he ends up getting twatted around the apex for it. He wasn't always the Mills we know today, he used to be very different indeed. Past reporter Micky Faeces? How's it all looking? Like a story?
Micky Faeces: Yes indeed Alpha, it looks pretty much like a story here.
Thanks. Tell us about it.
MF: Mills Dark, the attempted but failed continuously peacekeeper of KMC, never used to be so nice. He used to be a proper shitarse. Mills sat down and told me what caused his reversal of role.
MF: MILLS! Talk me some story.
MF: Bloody hell! Murder?
MF: Admirable indeed matey. Thanks for talking to us. Stop touching my leg.
MF: After we were done he tried to calm me down because he thought I had tried to bully him into the conversation. Thank christ he's not like he was before, or things could end up in a mess. Like Milla as a global mod in a forum full of idiots, going mental. Alpha-tron, back to you.
We've just got time for headline predictions, some threads that could possibly be coming up in the world of KMC.
"Bill O' Reilly in George Bush fellation." says KidRock in the Republican Times. This should provide some entertainment.
"Milla starts her own country. 'Doomed to fail' says Lana" that's in the HopefullyWeCanGetTheseGirlstoCatFight Weekly.
"They ignored my strip antics so I streaked the forums" that's the explicit article on KMC's Ronny.
And finally "I used to believe that guys could be really close, just as friends. But I lost all faith when Rex tried biting my arm." That's A1Sauce's guy-friend hell in the KMC Tribune.
Thank you for reading, this has been The AC Today on the day that The AC Today posted it's first broadcast.
I've been your host, Alpha Cristobel Centauri. Goodnight!
-AC
PS: Copyright AC Productions. All rights reserved.
Feedback: [email protected]
Hmmmm, I thought Deathblow had left so he could go through that sex change thing; thus he could finally live out his lifelong dream of becoming a Deftones groupie.
But my sources could be wrong. You are a real reporter.
__________________
“As flies to wanton boys are we to the gods, they kill us for their sport.”
It took me an hour to find the strength to get up off the floor after reading that, that is the ****ing funniest thing i think i have ever been subjected too. Nice one Aceface.
On the tantrum side of things, its still a little storm this side of the water. "ass".
Korri, overly obnoxious sarcasm only works with me sweety. It doesn't work when you do it. Get over whatever it is that supposedly pissed you off, or if it didn't, quit acting the drama queen. I got no problem with you, it's minor. Just drop this whole "I'm a bad ass" thing, because it's really not you, you know it's not and we know it's not.
KMC Community Forums
Aug 12th, 2005 05:00 PM
