This is a thread about my ex. This place is personal to me so I figured I'd share here.
I'm likely not gonna read anything negative, just needed to vent, and I don't really care if this isn't the place for it, I've been here for nearly 10 years now and despite all that's happened this is the only place I feel safe sharing this.
2 years going on 3, seems like yesterday we were laughing, having fun, holding one another and playing video games, makin silly-ass jokes and picking each other up when we were down, the realization I'm never gonna see you again sinks in every single day. The realization you are gone and I'm stuck here, listening to songs like this reminiscing about all the good times we shared, how I used to send you stupid screenshots and how you'd laugh and "xD", even the bad times were good when they were with you. Even the worst times were great when it was with you. Even at my worst you found a way to laugh, and when I'd cry you'd wipe my tears away and hold me and tell me you loved me. Even now I still look at our conversations, do you remember what you said?
"dani needs sleep, got up for the bathroom but wants you to know how much you mean you her. Loves you so much and really couldn’t live without you at all. Is very grateful to even have met you in the first place and honestly feels blessed for ever day after that, that she got to say that you are hers"
"Xioth01/11/2018
horny caveman
[11:29 AM]
XD
kawaiighostie01/11/2018
XD corny holeman .."
"YEH I bit your CHeek >.>
[11:24 AM]
My Jeff >.>>>> so I do wut I want
[11:24 AM]
Muhahaha
[11:24 AM]
No stopping meh
[11:24 AM]
-goes all crazy and bites a chuck of his neck-
[11:24 AM]
JK
[11:24 AM]
XD"
"I love you ok.
Always.
I’ll keep repeating it.
If you don’t believe me.
Then that’s your choice.
But I love you unconditionally.
No matter what.
Time goes by.
Things happen
But that does not change
It’s constant
I know you worth everything
That’s why I’m still here
I’m not dragging you along each day
I’m hold you with me
Because I love you that much
I’m sorry if you feel neglected
I never meant for that to happen
I’m not doing it purposely
You have every right to feel how you do
It’s up to you what you want to believe
If you don’t love me
Or feel differently
But I care about you."
I still look at that every other day on our old discord convo, legit has made it kind of hard to move on. I even had trouble having stuff removed like our relationship status, even when people kept begging me to move on, to get over it, to me all of that is acting like it never happened, like we never happened.
People say it's nothing, that we were just kids, "imagine what it's like losing a wife after 60 years", and yeah, I get that, but I felt what we had was special.
Even when people badmouth you to this day I stick up for you. I still watch that song I sent to you, we didn't really have a "song", but if there was any song that would be it, you told me you loved it:
"I love that
[10:07 PM]
You sent it
[10:07 PM]
One time"
The biggest lie in this world is "I love you." Never ever believe anyone that says this to you.
It is ephemeral, it is temporary and it is conditional. And women in general use it to get what they want and what they want is your lifeforce, and when they get what they want, they never want it again.
Idk man, normal parents who say it it's pretty unconditional. Normal meaning they aren't abusive, an enabler, or a psychopath/sociopath.
Like, normal parents don't stop loving their kids even if said kid is hunting them down with a knife and threatening to murder them and bathe in their blood.
Disowning, kicking out, dropping someone, does not mean you do not love them, it means you were pushed to a point and had to take action.
The sad thing is I too had collected all the letters and notes and various things my Ex gave me in the course of a relationship and kept that stuff for a long time until I got wise and went out to the garbage barrel and burned all that to ashes. It was a way to get that last little hope out of my system, burn it down dude, you'll feel better.