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Inconceivable.
Started by: Grinning Goku

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Grinning Goku
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Gender: Male
Location: J. Edgar Hoover Building

Inconceivable.

Hey. This my first time sharing my work. I wrote this for an ex-girlfriend. It's not really my speed, but I felt I needed to write something to make her feel better. The rhyme scheme is all over the place and I have stuff that's much better than this. The beginning is pretty rough, but it gets better. It's pretty mushy gushy and not me at all. But here it is, in all it's glory.


Inconceivable.

It is inconceivable for the rose to trace or fathom the impact of its scent,
Implausible for the lion to measure the decibel of its din.
It is impossible (but within reason) for the Earth to demand ‘haughty’ humankind rent,
Inconceivable for the bullet to have providence as it slices through the wind

It is hard for the slaves to know they built more than just walls, brought over more than just pain,
It is tragic that the guinep will never taste its sweetness,
Difficult for a child to understand where the sunlight resides in the rain.
Absurd for the Ringneck to resent its meekness.

It is hard for the mother to measure her reach,
Whether she is slapping or clapping.
Easy for the forlorn to beseech,
The hard to reach hand.

It’s futile to attempt to measure tears or sadness in a cup,
Kindness in a thimble,
Impossible to count every grain of sand,
Or hatred in a dollop

It is hard to end this thing I commenced,
This thing I began to curb your incense
Mmm…can’t call it that
But just though you should know

It is hard for the planter recall the name of each seed he sows.
So I can’t blame you for being hard on yourself
We are our harshest critics
Circumventing anyone else

It is an act of empowerment,
An act of control
But despite all of this,
I’ll be here to console.


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Old Post Sep 28th, 2007 01:38 AM
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miss_swann
wheeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee

Gender: Female
Location: West Kensington, London

I like it.


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Old Post Sep 28th, 2007 09:04 PM
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Grinning Goku
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Gender: Male
Location: J. Edgar Hoover Building

quote: (post)
Originally posted by miss_swann
I like it.


Thanks a lot. big grin


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Old Post Sep 28th, 2007 10:38 PM
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Critic
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Location: Brazil

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It was good. I liked the concept behind it.


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Old Post Oct 2nd, 2007 01:35 AM
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chillmeistergen
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Very good work. Though I'd like to see more of a consistent rhyme structure, the same kind used perhaps in the third verse.
I particularly like the use of elements to articulate feeling, like an extended use of pathetic fallacy.

The last verse was the only particular verse that disappointed me, and I know, as a writer it's always the hardest. I feel it should have had less of a definite end, to keep the reader thinking. Though of course, when the subject is close to your heart a definite end is by all means the desirable thing to achieve.

All in all, I believe this to be a good piece of poetry, good demonstration of catharsis and the sense of mind to not let it become too pretentious.


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Old Post Oct 2nd, 2007 02:58 AM
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Grinning Goku
**********.

Gender: Male
Location: J. Edgar Hoover Building

quote: (post)
Originally posted by Critic
It was good. I liked the concept behind it.


Thanks a lot, bro.




quote: (post)
Originally posted by chillmeistergen
Very good work. Though I'd like to see more of a consistent rhyme structure, the same kind used perhaps in the third verse.
I particularly like the use of elements to articulate feeling, like an extended use of pathetic fallacy.

The last verse was the only particular verse that disappointed me, and I know, as a writer it's always the hardest. I feel it should have had less of a definite end, to keep the reader thinking. Though of course, when the subject is close to your heart a definite end is by all means the desirable thing to achieve.

All in all, I believe this to be a good piece of poetry, good demonstration of catharsis and the sense of mind to not let it become too pretentious.


I appreciate your learned and well thought out critique. It was very encouraging.


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Old Post Oct 8th, 2007 10:57 PM
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~Forever*Alone~
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omg that was beautiful. rhyme scheme never mattered so little to me.


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does this work?

Old Post Oct 14th, 2007 06:10 AM
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Grinning Goku
**********.

Gender: Male
Location: J. Edgar Hoover Building

quote: (post)
Originally posted by ~Forever*Alone~
omg that was beautiful. rhyme scheme never mattered so little to me.


Thanks, boo. You're quite welcome.


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PSN handle: B_B_Kang

Old Post Oct 16th, 2007 12:04 AM
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