Sure, everyone loves 'Harry Potter' books and movies ... we're talking about the people who dress up like wizards and witches, or talk about which dorm of Hogwarts they'd live in. Or the kind of people who just corrected us for saying "dorm" instead of "house." It's a great series, but is it really life-ending to not know what Ron's oldest brother does for a living?
19. 'Lost'
It's one thing to watch the show every week, but it's another to burn out your TiVo by pausing it each scene to figure out more clues about the island. Yes, the 'Lost' producers put in little secrets ... but guess what? You won't know anything big until they tell you. Ease off the obsession, people, or we'll leave you for the Others.
18. High School Musical
Go Wildcats! Not that we're not fans of the movie, but you have to admit, 'High School Musical' pretty much out-lames any other musical. So to see people wearing East High School T-shirts or Wildcats hats or whatever, that just makes us sad. And not in a 'When There Was Me and You' sad way, but more of a pathetic 'Bop to the Top' sad way.
17. Anime
Naruto, Fullmetal Alchemist, Inu-Yasha, Rurouni Kenshin ... what do these all have in common? They're fun shows. What do the people who dress up like the characters from these shows all have in common? They're huge dorks. Seriously, dressing up like a ninja-in-training makes you a full-on geek master.
16. Celebrity Gossip
We can't exactly judge too harshly here, since we can't resist the pull of Paris Hilton ourselves. But the first step is admitting you have a problem, and that's we're doing. Do we really care what kind of lives the rich and famous are living? Well, usually only when they mess up somehow. But does that make us feel better about OUR lives? ... Yes. And there's our problem.
15. 'The Simpsons'
'The Simpsons' TV show is one of the smartest satires we've ever seen ... but it never fails that a huge 'Simpsons' dork comes along and ruins it for us. You know that person who has a Simpsons line ready for any occasion? "Worst conversation ever."
14. Bobbleheads
So let us get this straight ... they're like little statues of things, only all cartoony. And their heads bounce up and down on little springs? Well, hey, you've won us over right there. We couldn't think up crap this lame, but thankfully, there's always someone around to do it for us. And for all of you out there with a half-million of these, please ... avoid us on the streets.
13. Comic Books
Comic books as a whole might have a more dorky rep than they deserve ... after all, there are lots that are actually high-quality. But superhero comic books can get pretty dorky. And their fans, the ones who argue about who would win, Superman or the Hulk? There's a level of dork hell reserved for those people, and the shower they never used.
12. Disney Mania
This would be another dork obsession that we're pretty into, but why apologize? We love Disney stuff, even if it's made for children three and under. Just because we have eight Mickey ear hats on our desks and an expensive 'Pirates of the Caribbean' snow globe doesn't mean we don't KNOW that we're huge dorks. We do, and we're totally OK with it. If you don't mock us, we'll even send you a postcard from Disney World.
11. 'Lord of the Rings'
Yes, 'Lord of the Rings' introduced us to Orlando Bloom and Viggo Mortensen, but it also made fantasy fans think that things like elves and hobbits were cool again. Sorry, but a.) we still refuse to read the books, and 2.) knowing what an Uruk-Hai is just makes us want to cry for you. Like, big crocodile tears.
10. 'The Sims 2'
It's like real life ... even down to having to go to the bathroom! Wow, who knew video games could be so completely annoying! We mock, but there's lots of other fun stuff you can do in 'The Sims 2': get a job, mow your lawn, walk your dog ... How could you NOT be a huge fan? Given that we know a lot of people who've played long enough to have had GRANDCHILDREN in the game, we sadly don't know.
9. Celine Dion
Our hearts might have gone on at one point, but Celine Dion is much better known for annoying the crap out of anyone in earshot under 65 years old. So why are some people just completely obsessed? Is it the French-Canadian-ism? Is it her being married to a man old enough to be her father? Both good reasons, we guess ... to never speak to her fans again.
8. 'Star Wars'
The force is definitely with us, because we love the three original 'Star Wars' movies like they're the dog we had growing up. And the new movies are like when that dog died. But anyone who dresses up like a stormtrooper or Darth Vader or something 'Star Wars'-ish is just asking for a lightsaber up their Millenium Falcon.
7. 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles'
We're still not sure how this concept ever took off, but wow, did it ever. Except just like every other flash-in-the-pan cartoon, 'Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles' pretty soon became lame. Now it's back in both movie and cartoon form, but c'mon people ... that doesn't make it right.
6. 'Transformers'
You know what else is more than meets the eye, 'Transformers'? Our fickle nature. 'Cause we liked the movie and all, and we used to like the cartoon, but we still don't accept anyone walking around with Autobot T-shirts or Decepticon stickers on their cars. And don't ... just DON'T ... make the transforming noise. For any reason. NO.
5. 'Battlestar Galactica'
Look, an updated show from the '70s with robots that look like people! Yeah, yeah, we've heard all the fans moan about how well-written 'Battlestar Galactica' is. But if we hear one more idiot tell us to "frak off" or that some politician is actually a cylon, they're gonna get a little Starbucks in the face.
4. 'World of Warcraft'
Not only is it a massively dorky role-playing fantasy game, but you can amass huge NUMBERS of dorks to play with you! Want to go hunt a huge dragon on a Saturday night? Don't worry, you'll have your pick of players ... they're all free. And yeah, that 'South Park' episode? Much too real.
3. 'He-Man'
OK, not that we're judging here, but it's a cartoon where a buff, high-pitched purple and pink-wearing guy with long hair turns into a half-naked Adonis who rides around on his giant cat. Do we have to paint you a picture here? If you have no idea what we're talking about, no worries ... you're probably already a 'He-Man' fan.
2. 'Dungeons and Dragons'
We're going to roll a savings throw vs. losing any sort of cred we ever had just by talking about this. 'Dungeons and Dragons' has grown so big it covers dice, little miniature elves and crap, computer games, movies and cartoons ... not to mention way too many sleepless dork nights. You're not a lawful evil paladin HERE, my friend, so if you keep talking like Shakespeare, we're gonna stick your +1 Sword of Doom where the two suns of Azararath don't shine.
1. 'Star Trek'
Yes, it's the KING of all dorky obsessions! The 'Star Trek' phenomenon has been around for decades, and while the show might have been halfway decent at the start (cool guy gets it on with alien babes), it quickly evolved into Dorks in Space. Even worse, though, is the craziness: Fans learn alien languages? Fans get MARRIED in costume using alien customs? Fans kill our will to live?! That last part might not be on purpose.
Well, us comic fans didn't do so bad.....
I wonder how they would rank comic fans who post regularly on an Internet forum to discuss comics...
Oh, I'd say about -34.....
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Last edited by Draco69 on Jul 15th, 2007 at 05:23 AM
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Jul 15th, 2007 05:20 AM
