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Supernovadragons Poetry Thread
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SkellegtonJ
The King of Christmas

Gender: Male
Location:

Supernovadragons Poetry Thread

right dont be mean and just pass my poetry if u think it is crap. embarrasment

Assasin
Creeping slowly in the darkness
hidden in the shadows
He waits for the right moment
on which to make his move
He finds his target
Attaches the silencer to his pistol
and pulls the trigger
the trigger makes the hammer strike and the bullet is away
It hits the target in the head and strait into the brain
One shot was all it took

Srry it is so dark and evil but they wont all be like this laughing

Aug 15th, 2005 03:47 AM

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Coldfire
<3 <3 <3

Gender: Female
Location: Vancouver, Canada

I find this one has lots of imagery smile

Lol and don't worry about if its dark and evil or not... I kinda felt that way a couple times this weekend myself...

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Aug 15th, 2005 03:53 AM

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SkellegtonJ
The King of Christmas

Gender: Male
Location:

quote: (post)
Originally posted by Coldfire
I find this one has lots of imagery Lol and don't worry about if its dark and evil or not... I kinda felt that way a couple times this weekend myself...

thx i feel that way most of the time at skool Coldfire

Aug 15th, 2005 03:56 AM

SkellegtonJ
The King of Christmas

Gender: Male
Location:

feel free to add comments and your own poetry

Aug 15th, 2005 04:01 AM

Coldfire
<3 <3 <3

Gender: Female
Location: Vancouver, Canada

quote: (post)
Originally posted by supernovadragon
thx i feel that way most of the time at skool Coldfire

That's not right at all... Although I've felt like that at school many a time myself....

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Aug 15th, 2005 04:22 AM

SkellegtonJ
The King of Christmas

Gender: Male
Location:

quote: (post)
Originally posted by Coldfire
That's not right at all... Although I've felt like that at school many a time myself....

well if u went to my skool and stayed in my class u would understand

Aug 15th, 2005 07:06 AM

Coldfire
<3 <3 <3

Gender: Female
Location: Vancouver, Canada

quote: (post)
Originally posted by supernovadragon
well if u went to my skool and stayed in my class u would understand

I already do understand hun... my class has got to be one of the worst I've seen... and they get worse as the years go on... My what a world we live in eh? erm

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Aug 15th, 2005 07:27 AM

intoxicatedpoet
Senior Member

Gender: Male
Location: France

Re: Supernovadragons Poetry Thread

quote: (post)
Originally posted by supernovadragon
right dont be mean and just pass my poetry if u think it is crap.

But if those who think your poetry is bad do not judge it and offer advice on improving it, how will you grow and learn as a poet? IMO, your 'Assasin' poem, could have used some softer words to create more of a flow for the reader to follow, especially on the line: "Attaches the silencer to his pistol". Please don't be offended, I'm trying to help you, in no way am I trying to be cruel.

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Aug 15th, 2005 08:08 AM

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Coldfire
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Gender: Female
Location: Vancouver, Canada

quote: (post)
Originally posted by intoxicatedpoet
But if those who think your poetry is bad do not judge it and offer advice on improving it, how will you grow and learn as a poet? IMO, your 'Assasin' poem, could have used some softer words to create more of a flow for the reader to follow, especially on the line: "Attaches the silencer to his pistol". Please don't be offended, I'm trying to help you, in no way am I trying to be cruel.

I'm afraid I have to agree with you; only others who read your poetry can help you improve

Offering advice is not meant to be cruel... Like intoxicatedpoet here did with one of my poems... and after I changed what he suggested it sounded better big grin

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Aug 15th, 2005 08:17 AM

SkellegtonJ
The King of Christmas

Gender: Male
Location:

ok u can say stuff to help me improve, oh and wtf does IMO mean

Last edited by SkellegtonJ on Aug 15th, 2005 at 07:59 PM

Aug 15th, 2005 07:56 PM

Coldfire
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Gender: Female
Location: Vancouver, Canada

quote: (post)
Originally posted by supernovadragon
ok u can say stuff to help me improve, oh and wtf does IMO mean

Ok good

IMO means 'in my opinion'

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Aug 15th, 2005 09:29 PM

DreamingWarrior
Knight Errant

Gender: Male
Location: Holding on tight, never lettin go!

Very Freakin Awesome dude! glad to see your thread up and runnin! hahaha bring it on!

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Aug 16th, 2005 12:33 AM

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Tassie
Senior Member

Gender: Female
Location:

It's short and the imagery fits, I especially like the line "the trigger makes the hammer strike and the bullet is away", and, like ap said, to set the tone even better you could probably use some more effective words to replace "waits", etc. smile

Otherwise, well done. thumb up

More. XD

Aug 16th, 2005 03:15 AM

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SkellegtonJ
The King of Christmas

Gender: Male
Location:

Thx guys u are all the best

Aug 16th, 2005 03:17 AM

SkellegtonJ
The King of Christmas

Gender: Male
Location:

Bass Songs
The feel
The Rattle
The shaking
U know its bass
When u get that bass feeling

Aug 19th, 2005 06:55 AM

DreamingWarrior
Knight Errant

Gender: Male
Location: Holding on tight, never lettin go!

haha nice. yeah, be careful about anger and schools dude. had a big problem with mine till 11th grade. wanted to take out most of my class, and sought some counseling. if it is getting you that angry, go talk to your school counselor or to a minister. get it out. and bring some more poems man!

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Aug 19th, 2005 09:56 PM