as much as i dislike kids and shit in the same sentence...
when i met my girlfriend she told me she didn't want kids for two reasons: she has a tiny frame, her hips are very narrow (like a typical small asian woman) and that she had a bad heart, so she was scared shitless of having kids.
i didn't want kids either, because i didn't want to end up like my father (long story)
time went on... and one day she turned to me and told me she wanted kids with me once we got married, and i realised i wanted the same thing...
it may seem sappy but for the two of us to have a family would be the most special thing in the world...
Gender: Male Location: between apathy and indifference
I'm sorry big guy, accidents like that happen all the time. The only 100% fool proof way to guarantee not having children is to not have sex.
Great theory, but many woman who are dead set against having kids change their mind when they actually become pregnant.
You are 19 or 20 years old and you have the whole "it will never happen to me" and "I will never feel different about having kids" attitude. I'm not saying that you are wrong, maybe you will always stay the same, but you seem intelligent enough to experience continued growth, and when that happens attitudes change.
You gave me reasons why it won't happen. But I still ask you, what will you do if the woman you sleep with does get pregnant and does decide to have the child?
__________________ "I made a typo bif deal" - JacopeX
Gender: Unspecified Location: With Cinderella and the 9 Dwarves
Well I think the point of having children is that some peopßle like children
Others might argue though that they are important for the future of humankind, which is true of course
But well I think only people that really want children should have them.
"Great theory, but many woman who are dead set against having kids change their mind when they actually become pregnant."
I don't date or hang around with flip floppers. Most of the girls I know either hate kids or just don't want them.
"You are 19 or 20 years old and you have the whole "it will never happen to me" and "I will never feel different about having kids" attitude. I'm not saying that you are wrong, maybe you will always stay the same, but you seem intelligent enough to experience continued growth, and when that happens attitudes change. "
Why does everyone seem intent on trying to say "Wait and see"? Why can you not accept someone does actually not want children? Putting it down to age might help you come to terms with the fact that another human being doesn't want kids, but I don't. Can you just drop it? Why is my decision (coz it is mine and it will remain unchanged) something that needs to be debated?
"You gave me reasons why it won't happen. But I still ask you, what will you do if the woman you sleep with does get pregnant and does decide to have the child?"
The keyword is What if, if I meet someone who I choose to be intimate with on that level, long term, before we have get to doing it I will let them know that there is no way I want kids, and how do they feel. If they say they do not want kids, then it's good. I will be using protection, so will she. If she got pregnant, she could have an abortion.
You can keep using that old failsafe of "What if she won't?". I can't say because it hasn't happened. But all you are doing is saying "Yeah but what if it does?". What if it doesn't? The chances of it NOT happening given the protection I use and girls I'm with use, are greater than an accidental pregnancy. I leave no base uncovered with pregnancy, I leave nothing to chance. I am not gonna ever be a father, so if a girl I'm with wants kids. I'm not gonna risk having sex with her. There are many girls who I know that do not want kids.
Maybe you want kids and your buddies are of similar mindset, none of mine are. So that's why you can't comment on the girls I know and the possibilities of it happening. Only statistically, which is solved by abortion.
There. Done. Is it ok with you that I decided against fatherhood? Genuine question.
Gender: Male Location: between apathy and indifference
You know AC, I generally like debating with you, but this time I think it's a little arrogant (no where near as bad a philo can be though) to actually think that you know what you'll want say 5, 10 20 years from now.
Everybody changes, I am not saying that your stance on this issue will, but time and experience changes desires and opinions, nothing we say or believe about ourselves now is written in stone.
__________________ "I made a typo bif deal" - JacopeX
*shakes head smiling*I know I'm only 10 years older than you AC and I'm certainly not arguing with your descision, in fact I admire your tenacity to stick with it.
I'm just warning you from experience that sometimes things change because that is human nature...
Gender: Unspecified Location: With Cinderella and the 9 Dwarves
well maybe he is one person that knows what he wants for the future. Its a little arrogasnt of you KD (nowhere as near as philo of course) to say thnat he can'T
AC - you are not actually listening to what others are saying on this, re-read what they have posted and re-read your responses.
As for not wanting kids EVER, funny thing that, my sister-in-law said the same thing and she found her perfect husband in someone else who NEVER EVER wanted to have kids, they were together for many years, she just had her first child this week - things DO change, you should not say that you will NEVER change your mind. I'd like you to do me a favour, contact me again in 15 years, if you have not already changed your mind by then I will buy you a beer as an apology for suggesting that you will change your mind and you will eventually have kids.
The Blessing part of it comes from the fact that the child did not mos-carry in the wonb, or die during birth.
Gender: Unspecified Location: With Cinderella and the 9 Dwarves
Well not according to Lobo but anyway.
But maybe he knows alread, he could have taken actions to make sure too, we don't know, just because our minds change doesn't mean that ACs has too. He might be sure and maybe he will be till the end of his life. He belives though, I can't really argue with that since I don't really know huim.
"Everybody changes, I am not saying that your stance on this issue will, but time and experience changes desires and opinions, nothing we say or believe about ourselves now is written in stone."
Everyone changes, agreed completely. Not everyTHING changes however. I know that I'm not having kids, that's not arrogant. It doesn't affect you.
"As for not wanting kids EVER, funny thing that, my sister-in-law said the same thing and she found her perfect husband in someone else who NEVER EVER wanted to have kids, they were together for many years, she just had her first child this week - things DO change, you should not say that you will NEVER change your mind. I'd like you to do me a favour, contact me again in 15 years, if you have not already changed your mind by then I will buy you a beer as an apology for suggesting that you will change your mind and you will eventually have kids."
When did it get to the point that I now have to prove to you that I am genuinely not having kids? That's one thing the older generation tend to do wrong. You've had more life experience than me granted, but that does not warrent you to say what I will and won't do. If I say I'm not having kids, that is the way it is and the way I see it being forever. I do not want to be a father. Why is it such a hard thing to just accept?
Things change, yes. But not everything. I am willing to stand up and say that no kids is the ONE iron clad thing I AM sure about in my life. I don't want them.
"The Blessing part of it comes from the fact that the child did not mos-carry in the wonb, or die during birth."
But that's not a blessing, that's reproduction being successful. A perfectly natural occurance. It's on a much smaller scale, like saying "Oh thank God that shit came through and I didn't get constipated."
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Feb 2nd, 2005 01:47 PM
