I don't buy the whole thing of blaming the parents man. Here's why...
Parental methods don't determine the outcome of a kids life in any concrete way. It depends highly on the kid. It's time people realised kids aren 100% innocent things and do bad stuff too.
Example.
If a girl or boy has a terrible homelife with terrible parents, when they get older they should have the presence of mind to see what their parents are like and say "Yo this isn't how I wanna live my life. I wanna make something of myself."
Flipside is that if you have parents who smother affection on their kids and give them everything they want, then shelter them too. The kids are gonna wonder what they are being protected from. There's nothing more pleasing to MOST young teens than the prospect of proving your elders/parents wrong. Which is why alot of kids go off the rails.
Parents shouldn't think they have to be proven wrong or right. It should be about sharing responsibility. A parent should know that they are only responsible for guiding the kid. You can't enforce rules like a prison coz one day they'll hit 18 and can do whatever the hell they want. Which they WILL use against their would-be oppressors. You gotta know that it's gotta be 50/50. Teach the kid and guide them yes, but don't live for them coz when they are at the stage of living for themselves they'll either struggle or go off the rails.
I hate this damn hypocricy about "Ohh are our kids dressing too raunchily?". Listen, society complain about how disgusting and filthy paedophilia/pedophilia is. Yet the people that complain are the ones dressing their kids up like 18 year olds to go to beauty pageants. Perfect example is The Olson Twins. All this bullshit about them being sexy all of a sudden. Newsflash folks, you don't instantly become sexually attracted to someone or think they are nice in a physical way, JUST as they hit legal age. What happens is, the millions of people who do like under aged girls/boys in the public eye don't say anything coz they know they'd be the first ones to call someone sick if they said it.
People need to start actually blaming kids too. Any kid above 5 knows what they are doing. If a 6 year old punches a kid in the face and says "I didn't mean it" or "I didn't know what I was doing", they'd be lying. Kids contrary to mass belief, are not gifts from Heaven and they are not angels.
I know a girl who had a terrible homelife. But when she reached adolescence she could have looked at her life and said "I don't wanna be this way". She CHOSE to go out and sleep around and get pregnant. That's not her mother or fathers fault, that's hers. She knew what sex was and knew the risks. She did it coz she wanted to.
So before we all blame TV, the movies or anything else. We should blame those committing the wrongs. Coz none of the above are wholly to blame, including parents. If my parents were alcoholics and I watched pure violent movies, I wouldn't wanna go out and get pissed to start fights. Why? Coz I'm not a moron and anyone who reaches adulthood with the failure to understand BASIC right and wrong, is one.
But then who raises the kids? the parents, it is how the parents bring up there kids, it matters if there too lenient or too strict, so therefore it is also more of the parents fault, not just the media's
__________________
Made by the awesome transforming Hegemon
Don't mess with The Force, because I ownz you. -The Force
"But then who raises the kids? the parents, it is how the parents bring up there kids, it matters if there too lenient or too strict, so therefore it is also more of the parents fault, not just the media's"
While you need a good balance of lenient parenting and strict parenting, the point I'm trying to make is that there's responsibility between parent and child. Parents could be the best in the world, yet if the kid gets to ages where they are thinking for themselves and decide to do drugs blindly or sleep around or lower and degrade themselves, it isn't the parents fault.
What people need to realise is kids aren't holy, they are to blame also. Cut the child worship.
Media is only capable of being blamed up until a certain age right? Coz by rights children should get to the age where they know things aren't imitatable and think "Right, that guy shot that guy with an uzi, but it's not something I should do in real life" or "That guy raped that woman. Not right, I wont be doing that." Right? So who do you blame when kids are becoming young adults and then reach adulthood and are still being influenced. Who you gonna blame? The media still? The parents? No. Coz they for the most part, aren't to blame.
Like I said, I've known girls and boys of adolescent age with terrible homelives who have made the right choice. I have also known girls and boys who have had similar homelives and gone out to be involved in crime or worse. There comes a time when it goes beyond being able to put it down to bad parenting. A big part of bad parenting is blaming the wrong people. All society is doing by not looking at why things go wrong, are just doing the bad parenting thing on a larger scale.
Back to lenient/strict parenting though...
That's all very well and good. But some parents consider leniency to be letting their kids watch a movie with a sex scene. Others consider leniency as letting their kids openly be exposed to harmless pornographic material. Some people view strict as sending their kids to bed at a certain time. Others may view it as laying down the law on what is wrong and right about sex, drugs and whatever else.
Parenting is about not only balancing out leniency and strict rules, but what parameters they extend into and also shared responsibility. Not living for the kid but guiding them. Recognising that as they get older you need to find out if your methods of parenting have worked and they become a good person without your aid.
It's not as black and while as being lenient, strict and focusing on the media. The way to shape up is to realise first of all, as I have been saying, that kids aren't innocent or holy or gifts from God just because they are a result of reproduction. They are humans and responsible for their own action also. So if they act like morons, blame THEM for doing so.
If a 40 year old man watches an X-Men movie, goes out and stabs someone in an imitation of Wolverine, he's called insane. If a kid does it, the movie is banned. The kid is just as at fault as the man. You either believe in punishment equaly for all ages or you can shut the hell up.
To me this is neither a trend (because if it was the case it would mean that in 5 years all teens could dress as they used to in the 50's,...), nor a Media-caused phenomenon. We have the same problem here, to a smaller extent, but still, and we don't have Oprah, we don't have half of a third of a fifth of the Reality shows people gets in America. My lil' sister has been asking for a cellphone for months now because most of her friends at school have one.(And our mother is likely to buy her one within a few months) She's 10
Children are not necessarily growing up too fast, because looking like and actually growing are 2 different things. We're in a civilization/society that promotes the "image" before anything else (sorry that's the word we use in French, I don't know if it has also this meaning in English : a global idea that people get of you). You are only what you look like. It has always been true, but not always so important. Today, groups are creating that exclude people just because they aren't dressed in a certain way. Clothes had become in the 80's a sign of identification, of belonging to a group and a way to express these. They are now your ID. There come the media. Among others. This is an evolution of the way people think.
Second is the disappearing of the family, at least as a value. The family, as an environment you live in has dramatically changed since the 50's for example. Have a look to a TV program from the 50's showing a (perfect) family. Now compare it to what we have now: a good family today is a family that is as close as possible from a company (there is a hierarchy, but parents and children talk as if they were equals. The latters don't see why they'd get a different "treatment" as their parents.)
Then comes a last evolution in the society. There was a time when all these attributes (clothes, Cellphones, behaviours) clearly meant something. This kind of clothes was used by "free" women -if I may put it that way, as opposed to the model of American wives of the 50's and early-60's)-, whores (Remember the movie "Pretty woman" and the way J.Roberts is dressed at the beginning of it) to claim that they were, well, free (liberated) and that they can be physically/sexually attractive, etc.
The cellphones were created for businessmen who had to stay in touch...and became the proof of an higher position on the social ladder. It was an aim, not a means.
Gangta's behaviours were...of course products of a African-American and Spanish-American culture developped in ghettos, etc.
Now all these things are meaningless: Mothers don't explain their daughters the meaning of wearing a thong or skimpy clothes. And what does 'being sexually attractive' mean when you are an 11 year old girl ?
So if you want, you can blame the parents for this disappearance but they're not necessarily totally responsible for that.
All these complicated explanations to come to the same old conclusion: Of course the world is changing. It may be for the worse, but still values are disappearing and are replaced by others. Here the fact that the look matters more than everything and the fact that many objects lose their meaning are the causes of the phenomenon (but it's a combination of many factors). Acting differently doesn't mean that kids are growing faster or are more mature: they are just using the codes (like dress codes) of their time. Growing too fast would mean to act in a mature way and to make decisions before the normal age. They don't. Being pregnant at 15 is a proof of immaturity.
PS: This may seem very confused and unclear. Therefore if someone wants me to be clearer, I'll be happy to make it simple
Ahhhh....if you don't think the parents share a good chunk of the responsibility for that, you're sorely mistaken.
1) It is the duty of all parents to openly communicate with their children. Parents need to educate their kids on such matters, and not just leave it up to the junior high health teacher. If parents start talking to their kids early (and often) about sex, drugs, pregnancies, etc, and really educate them as to the dangers and what not, they will listen. But, if the parents clam up because they're too embarrassed to talk about things like that, well...that's just asking for trouble.
2) Along the same lines as communication, it is totally on the parents to always know where their kids are, and who they're with.
So no, it's not solely the fault of the children. I tell you what, if I have a daughter that gets pregnant at 15 or whatever, I will know that I've failed miserably at being a decent parent.
Main Entry: [1]stu·pid
Pronunciation: 'stü-p&d, 'styü-
Function: adjective
Etymology: Middle French stupide, from Latin stupidus, from stupEre to be numb, be astonished more at TYPE
Date: 1541
1 a : slow of mind : OBTUSE b : given to unintelligent decisions or acts : acting in an unintelligent or careless manner c : lacking intelligence or reason : BRUTISH
2 : dulled in feeling or sensation : TORPID > still stupid from the sedative>
Gender: Male Location: Huntington Beach, California
too much talk...no points being made
Kids think they are older and more mature than they really are. 12 year olds with cell phones, full make up sets, and more skirts than the average adult has work pants.
If a child wants to take the responsibility of having sex at an age so early that they can't actually provide for the child....it's their fault...not their parents. I know because it was my fault...not my parents. Shifting the blame on the parents is utter bullsh!t. People need to take responsiblity for their own actions....even if they are only 13-15.
I do feel it is the parents job and not the school's job to properly educate their children about sex and drug use, but it's up to the kids to let that stuff sink in. No one ever likes to hear it, but sometimes experience is the best teacher in the world. It's not like 16-17 year olds haven't been getting pregnant for centuries, it's just now....they're considered too young.
You only chose to accentuate choice (c) in definition 1, when the one that refutes your point is choice (b) [acting in an unintelligent or careless manner]
Gender: Male Location: Huntington Beach, California
Wanna teach a kid why you don't want to have a kid at an early age???
Get them a pet...a real pet. Not one of those gold fish you feed one time per night, not a cat that cleans itself and hides all day....get them a dog, a big, stinky, drooling, crapping on the carpet dog. And make them raise it and house train it. Then tell them to imagine a human.....parenting complete
Well in my opinion a young child with perfect knowledge of the consequences or possible consequences of sex, yet still goes out and does it, is indeed careless and stupid. Not to mention unintelligent.
Yet who are the ones to blame? Either parents or culture. Culture can't mess up any mind that isn't easily persuaded anyway.
when I was in 8th grade I went to a 5-8 school and there was a 10 year old girl who had already been ****ed and fingered if you ask me thats way too young. she was the typical pre teen girl your talking about, she dressed in skimmpy clothing, gallons of make up, and the saddest thing was was that the guy who fingered her was 16
__________________
Rob Owns You, Barbarossa, Tired Hiker, Fearnix, Ronny, Raven Guardia, Wolflet, DEM, spidergrl, Dr. Strangelove, eggmayo, Filth, Korri, JM, Ken Kenobi, ~Sir Mist~, Lana
"you ever done it without a condom?? If you have, then you know, you really can't blame the kids. "
Call me crazy but no. The idea of having to take permanent care of a human from now till the day I die is a bit too early for me yet. Maybe a while from now. So now I haven't. Always take precautions.
Physically and mentally, it is the kids fault. Morally, it's the parents fault.
Unless said kid has emancipated themselves from their parents, hold a steady job, and has proven to themselves that they can foster a child of there own, I don't see any kid in their right mind willingly wanting to throw away their childhood in hopes to grow up faster than expected.
Both parents and the kids are to blame, especially with the first two points of mine, when it comes to emancipation, being illegal until you're 18, I believe. Any parent that would rightfully emancipate their own child, so they can have a kid before the age of 18 shouldn't have ever been parents in the first place.
Gender: Male Location: Huntington Beach, California
1st. Ashton Kutcher DOES NOT deserve a 4.5 outta 10, let alone 5.
2ndly. I agree, with your very first sentence exactly. Mentally and Physically (what counts most) it is the child's responsiblity. Morally it's the parents, but i don't think it's as important as kids exercising common sense.
KMC Community Forums
Jul 5th, 2004 08:10 PM
if you ask me thats way too young. she was the typical pre teen girl your talking about, she dressed in skimmpy clothing, gallons of make up, and the saddest thing was was that the guy who fingered her was 16
