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Chuck "The Badass" Norris [Merged]
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BackFire
Blood. It's nature's lube

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Location: Huntington Beach, CA

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Vin Diesel is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.

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Dec 23rd, 2005 06:26 AM

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REXXXX
Networking

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Location: San Diego

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quote: (post)
Originally posted by BackFire
When Vin Diesel was born, the nurse said, "Holy crap! That's Vin Diesel!" Then she had had sex with him. At that point, she was the third girl he had slept with.

Hot damn.

Vin Diesel's urine is the main ingredient in Yellow #6.

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Dec 23rd, 2005 06:26 AM

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Hazardous
Senior Member

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Chuck Norris solved a rubic's cube so fast someone watching exploded immediately.

Dec 23rd, 2005 06:27 AM

BackFire
Blood. It's nature's lube

Gender: Male
Location: Huntington Beach, CA

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The popular videogame "Doom" is based loosely around the time Satan borrowed two bucks from Vin Diesel and forgot to pay him back.

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Dec 23rd, 2005 06:27 AM

REXXXX
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The only word in the English language that rhymes with "orange" is "Chuck Norris".

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Dec 23rd, 2005 06:27 AM

Hazardous
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Mr. T is supposed to be on the American dollar bill, but the bill would become so valuable that no one but Mr. T could afford it.

Dec 23rd, 2005 06:27 AM

Hazardous
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There is a 11th commandment, edited out of the Bible, that says "None of the above applies to Mr. T."

Dec 23rd, 2005 06:28 AM

Dusty
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Gender: Male
Location: The United States. I <3 U

Chuck Norris solved Pi. It actually ends with "CHUCK".

Dec 23rd, 2005 06:30 AM

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Dusty
Senior Member

Gender: Male
Location: The United States. I <3 U

One time Chuck Norris went to the mall to tell Santa what he wanted for Christmas; a Jean-Claude Van Dam punching bag and a bucket full of screaming year old children. When Santa said he couldn't do it, Chuck Norris ate Santa's elves, ****ed Mrs. Claus and then roundhouse kicked Santa in the face.

laughing out loud

Dec 23rd, 2005 06:30 AM

REXXXX
Networking

Gender: Male
Location: San Diego

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Chuck Norris once beat Mike Tyson's Punch Out in the desert while trimming red hair from his taint with a box cutter. What? You say there are no outlets for the Nintendo in the desert? Tell that to Chuck Norris.

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Dec 23rd, 2005 06:30 AM

Hazardous
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Vin Diesel doesn't count it as rape if you survive.

The only substance known to cut Vin Diesel is another Vin Diesel.

Every morning, Chuck Norris is woken up by a beautiful supermodel. Chuck Norris, however, likes to sleep late, so he usually pushes the snooze button. (Chuck Norris defines "push the snooze button" as "punch in the face".)

Dec 23rd, 2005 06:31 AM

Dusty
Senior Member

Gender: Male
Location: The United States. I <3 U

It is a myth that Cher and cockroaches can survive a nuclear holocaust. Only Chuck Norris� beard can.

Dec 23rd, 2005 06:33 AM

REXXXX
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The newest episode of Fear Factor involved a staring contest with Chuck Norris. The episode was thrown out due to lawsuits including the contestants turning into stone.

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Dec 23rd, 2005 06:33 AM

Hazardous
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quote: (post)
Originally posted by Mando
One time Chuck Norris went to the mall to tell Santa what he wanted for Christmas; a Jean-Claude Van Dam punching bag and a bucket full of screaming year old children. When Santa said he couldn't do it, Chuck Norris ate Santa's elves, ****ed Mrs. Claus and then roundhouse kicked Santa in the face.

The atomic bomb that hit Hiroshima was actually Chuck Norris's most severe and deadly martial arts move. That day he promised to never again do that move. A few days later it was confirmed Chuck Norris occasionally lies.

Dec 23rd, 2005 06:33 AM

REXXXX
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Location: San Diego

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quote: (post)
Originally posted by Mi�t

The atomic bomb that hit Hiroshima was actually Chuck Norris's most severe and deadly martial arts move. That day he promised to never again do that move. A few days later it was confirmed Chuck Norris occasionally lies.

So THAT's what we dropped out of the plane...

Chuck Norris built Rome in a day.

Originally Vin Diesel had a show on the food network, but after a mishap when he kicked it up too many notches, he was replaced by Emeril Legasse; Vin Diesel is still unwelcome at the food network.

Mr. T flushing his toilet is in fact what caused the tsunami in Indonesia

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Dec 23rd, 2005 06:35 AM

Hazardous
Senior Member

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Chuck Norris can shoot rockets out of his penis. This bit of intelligence caused Russia to drop out of the Cold War.

Chuck Norris' sweat repels mosquitoes and other irritating insects, such as William Shatner.

Chuck Norris once took a dump and instead of containing bits of corn, it contained Ashlee Simpson, Britney Spears, and the girl from Blossum. laughing

Dec 23rd, 2005 06:35 AM

Dusty
Senior Member

Gender: Male
Location: The United States. I <3 U

quote: (post)
Originally posted by Captain REX
The newest episode of Fear Factor involved a staring contest with Chuck Norris. The episode was thrown out due to lawsuits including the contestants turning into stone.

The very first CSI was going to be titled "CSI: Chuck Norris", but there was no crime scenes and no investigating. Just Chuck Norris kicking ass and being totally awsome. So they renamed it Walker, TR.

Dec 23rd, 2005 06:36 AM

Dusty
Senior Member

Gender: Male
Location: The United States. I <3 U

Chuck Norris, a preist, and a rabi waled into a bar. They both got their asses roundhouse kicked by Chuck Norris.

Dec 23rd, 2005 06:40 AM

REXXXX
Networking

Gender: Male
Location: San Diego

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quote: (post)
Originally posted by Mando

The very first CSI was going to be titled "CSI: Chuck Norris", but there was no crime scenes and no investigating. Just Chuck Norris kicking ass and being totally awsome. So they renamed it Walker, TR.

Mr. T does not have sex, for fear of splitting each woman in twain. He instead reproduces in a cloud of spores.

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Dec 23rd, 2005 06:41 AM