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RoguePw25
Hogwarts Headboy
 Gender: Male
Location: Degrassi Street |
The character really do act like themselves, I mean, I can really picture Ron saying some of things you wrote. Good story! I liked it!
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 Learn from yesterday...
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Apr 17th, 2006 05:15 AM |
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iluvhp1_7
Fourth Year
 Gender: Female
Location: Gryffindor Girls Dormitory |
yea i it pretty good. But for Esaul- just think about it would Harry be the one to cry in front of a whole lot of people. Maybe in front of Ron and Hermione but not a lot of people. He was sobbing too i can understand a little crying i mean what do you expect Dumbledore died I cried too. But sobbing in Harry's position Harry's not that sensitive about that kind of stuff
__________________
Take what you can from
your dreams, make them
as real as anything
-Dave Matthews
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Apr 17th, 2006 09:04 PM |
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joelsef
all u people are vampires
Gender: Male
Location: Trapped |
i never said he made any noise when the tears fell, so it wasnt really sobbing. um, harry is very sensitive about dying, he kind of moped around in his bedroom for a month after sirius died. plus it was only four people he was with, and they were close friends. but anyway, if thats how you feel then thats perfectly fine, it really doesnt matter, its such an insignificant part of the story. heres more.
Harry led the others top the front of the train, where they were met by five Dementors who were circling the train exit as if awaiting their appearance. ‘Ok, think of something happy, something happy,’ Harry told himself nervously, but it was so hard to find a happy memory amidst the immense sadness he had been feeling. Just then, the feeling that he had when Ginny had run up to him and kissed after the Gryffindor Quidditch Team had won the cup rushed through him, and he knew that he was about to produce the best Patronus of his life just before he bellowed, “EXPECTO PATRONUM!!!” with the rest of the D.A.
The five Dementors in from of the train were evaporated instantly when ten bright white animals of various forms charged right through their cloaked bodies. Once the five were down; however, they were faced with hundreds more, all gliding directly towards them.
“Where the bloody hell is the ministry!!” screamed Dean while guiding his fox Patronus through three Dementors, whose cloaks then fell harmlessly to the floor.
Harry sent his stag in the direction of Lavender who was faced with at least twenty Dementors, a force of which her platypus could not hold off on its own. “I dunno!” he yelled back, “You’d think they’d at least be able to break through the magic placed around the platform entrance.”
“That would mean a lot of memory modifying!” shouted Luna from behind them, her unicorn breezing through a Dementor that had snuck up behind Seamus. “Imagine all the Muggles in Kings Cross who would be looking on, unless of course there’s a colony of Slithering Synekdytes out there somewhere. That would easily fix their memories; of course, they might be out of it for a few years.”
“I don’t give a damn about the Muggles!” Dean screamed in anger, totally ignoring Luna’s absurd comment about the Slithering Synekdytes. “Ten kids cannot hold off five hundred Dementors!”
“Harry, look!” Neville shouted to him from across the platform. He was doing quite well with his toad Patronus, and was fighting off the Dementors quite brilliantly. Harry looked to where Neville was pointing. About fifty Dementors had broken away from the group and were now attempting to break into the back of the train.
“No!” Harry shouted, and he began to run towards the back, dodging several Patronuses along the way.
He was nearly there when he tripped over something on the ground and smacked the front of his head hard on the concrete. Stars danced in front of his eyes and he tried to clear his head by shaking it. And then he felt it: a hot, smelly, morbid breath had enveloped his face. Sitting up quickly, Harry reached for his wand in his pocket, but could not find it. He tried to call his Patronus over, but when it didn’t come, he knew that in his broken concentration it had dissipated. When he looked up he could see that the Dementor had pulled back his hood and its hideous face was inches away from Harry’s.
Time seemed to stand still as Harry stared blankly into the eyeless face of a Dementor, it’s skin crusted and black, its circular mouth open wide, preparing to give the kiss. ‘I can’t believe that it’s going to end like this,’ thought Harry angrily. ‘I could have died any other way, now I don’t even get to start looking for the Horcruxes. Now I won’t be able to do Dumbledore’s memory justice.’
And then, Harry began to feel a strange tugging in his chest, the same kind of feeling he had when he had watched Dumbledore topple over the Astronomy Tower a few days ago. It was as though someone had grabbed onto his heart and was attempting to rip it out through his mouth. A strange warmness seemed to flow up Harry’s windpipe, it was eerily peaceful. This was offset by the cold and hollow feeling in his chest, as though he had not eaten for a week. But just as quickly as the feeling came, it vanished. Harry looked up and saw the Dementor’s cloak falling to the ground slowly, its body gone. He scanned in front of him to see what had saved him, but there was no time to search. Pulling himself up, he raced towards the back of the train, where the Dementors had just succeeded in opening the door.
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Just pretend the camera is a wand!
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Apr 17th, 2006 10:36 PM |
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iluvhp1_7
Fourth Year
Gender: Female
Location: Gryffindor Girls Dormitory |
that was good but i dont think I would use stars dancing in his eyes. Thats just in cartoons. I would have said- Harry saw bright white lights for a second and then Platform 9 3/4 with the hundreds of dementors focused into his view again.
__________________
Take what you can from
your dreams, make them
as real as anything
-Dave Matthews
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Apr 18th, 2006 12:00 AM |
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iluvhp1_7
Fourth Year
Gender: Female
Location: Gryffindor Girls Dormitory |
and no i chose the wrong words. Harry wasn't sobbing but it says that tears were falling down his face and he buried his face in his arms. He's being too much like a drama queen. I dont think the real Harry would do that. He would take his anger and sadness out on someone else.
__________________
Take what you can from
your dreams, make them
as real as anything
-Dave Matthews
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Apr 18th, 2006 12:04 AM |
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Midnight109
Senior Member
 Gender: Female
Location: Dreaming |
That was Wonderful! Post more soon!
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Previously Hermione202 and Midnight_Miss
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Apr 18th, 2006 12:51 AM |
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joelsef
all u people are vampires
Gender: Male
Location: Trapped |
ok iluvhpsomuch, i clearly remember JK using the term "stars exploding in his eyes" or something along those lines several times. i do not think it resembles cartoons in any way, i mean, i never said that there were starts in front of his eyes cirlcing his head like in the cartoons. besides, i dont like your 'alternate' sentence, it clearly doesnt fit into the story like mine does. and fyi, there is no real harry. harry potter is fictional, and this is my interperation of the books using my style. it does not have to be EXACTLY like JK Rowling would have written. if all the storeis here were, no one would bother to read them, the point of this place is to see peoples interpretations. ive already explained that harry can cry in really sad situations like he did at the funeral; hes not a raging ball of fire everytime someone dies. if you want to make him unable to cry in your stories then thats fine, but ive already explained why i made him cry in mine, so please let it go. like i said, its not a significant part of the story, so you neednt keep bringing it up. im tired of tryin to explain my view.
thanks midnight miss, ill try and get some up soon!
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Apr 18th, 2006 01:09 AM |
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Midnight109
Senior Member
Gender: Female
Location: Dreaming |
Good.
Calm down, these little things could at times develop into arguments. 
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Previously Hermione202 and Midnight_Miss
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Apr 18th, 2006 01:15 AM |
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joelsef
all u people are vampires
Gender: Male
Location: Trapped |
haha yea you're right, i remember StueyG. i dont want there to be another argument at all. Water under the bridge i luvhp?
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Just pretend the camera is a wand!
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Apr 18th, 2006 01:21 AM |
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joelsef
all u people are vampires
Gender: Male
Location: Trapped |
ok , heres a bit more, its kinda short, but im really tired.
Harry looked over his shoulder to see how everybody was fairing against the horde of Dementors, and from what he could tell everyone was holding off the Dementors pretty well. He suddenly remembered the thing he had tripped over in the first place, but he could not see it. Hoping very much that it wasn’t one of the D.A. he turned his head around and continued running for the back of the train, where more and more Dementors were filing in.
He pictured himself using Sectumsempra on Malfoy and screamed, “EEXPECTO PATRONUM!” Once again, the dazzling stag erupted from his wand and destroyed the Dementors that were waiting to enter the luggage car.
“HARRY!” shouted a voice from within the train, a voice Harry recognized as Hermione’s. He felt as though his stomach had fallen into his feet as he prayed that the Dementors had not kissed anyone inside the train. He tried directing his Patronus inside the car, but it was too small for the door.
“Time to see what you can do,” he said to his Patronus, and he directed it to advance through the side of the train. The stag broke into a run and hit the side of the train, causing it to break open, revealing a socking scene to Harry.
He saw Ron, Hermione, and Cho all using their Patronuses to try and ward off the front of Dementors, but he could see that they could not hold off all of them. He became very sick to his stomach as he saw Dementors bending over here and there, and a few students looking grayish pale and quite expressionless. He then saw a couple advance towards Hermione, whose otter was fading away.
“GO!” he screamed to the stag, pointing in the direction of Hermione. The stag charged through the Dementors that were surrounding her, and circled around to take out a few that were closing in on a group of first years who were looking absolutely terrified.
“Take that, and that!” he heard Ron shout exuberantly as his rat took out five Dementors with a powerful swipe from its tail. There were now fewer than twenty Dementors in the train, and they all lined up to attack Cho, whose swan had now completely vanished and she was backed up against the train wall, looking horrified.
“Harry, help me!!” she screamed, her whole body shaking as the mass of Dementors closed in around her. Just as he was about to send his stag over, he heard a loud ‘BANG!’ behind him, and he was hit in the back with something very large and heavy. He heard Ron yell in pain just before everything went black.
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Just pretend the camera is a wand!
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Apr 18th, 2006 01:38 AM |
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Midnight109
Senior Member
Gender: Female
Location: Dreaming |
Nice Cliffy!
I hate Cliff Hanger;s though...too much suspence...
Post more soon! Like...tonight!
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Previously Hermione202 and Midnight_Miss
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Apr 18th, 2006 01:54 AM |
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iluvhp1_7
Fourth Year
Gender: Female
Location: Gryffindor Girls Dormitory |
what the heck is your problem. I was trying to help. I knew it would. I'm just tryin to help and your taking it too offensively. And about Harry crying. I wasn't nessicarily talking to you. I was talking to Esaul. And I'm sorry for helping. Well trying to help actually. And just thought it would sound better that way. And you know what else. There is the real Harry. J.K.'s Harry is the real one because thats the one we base all our stories on. J.K. owns him so hes the real one. Stop being such a prat. I was just trying to help.
__________________
Take what you can from
your dreams, make them
as real as anything
-Dave Matthews
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Apr 18th, 2006 09:15 PM |
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joelsef
all u people are vampires
Gender: Male
Location: Trapped |
ok ok ok simmer. i was just sayin not all our stories have to be just like JK would have written them, thats the beauty of these forums. it just seemed like you were bein really picky. this combined with my bad mood these past couple of days has not led to a happy me  , so im sorry once again for making it seem like im angry, cause im not, i hav no problem with you offering your advice, i just thought that you were bein a little too persistent on one little detail. im sorry for being a prat, i honestly dont want to be one . 
ill hopefully get more up tonight, but ive been feelin unhappy all day, long story, but ill try to get more up. 
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Just pretend the camera is a wand!
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Apr 19th, 2006 01:24 AM |
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Midnight109
Senior Member
Gender: Female
Location: Dreaming |
Anyways....hope you post more soon.
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Previously Hermione202 and Midnight_Miss
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Apr 19th, 2006 08:34 PM |
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iluvhp1_7
Fourth Year
Gender: Female
Location: Gryffindor Girls Dormitory |
im glad you agree with me that you were being a prat. But like I said i wasn't nessicarily talking to you about the crying. I entended for it to go to Esaul. But seeing that he'll never get on! Grrr I'm mad at him. Me and him are good friends. I'm pissed off because I'm doing a role play with him and Im just starting and I need the link. He can't give it to me because HE'S NOT ON! lol
Oh and I never said that i wanted all of our stories to sound like J.K.'s. No story will sound like hers. I have no clue where you got that from but I never said that.
__________________
Take what you can from
your dreams, make them
as real as anything
-Dave Matthews
Last edited by iluvhp1_7 on Apr 19th, 2006 at 09:43 PM
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Apr 19th, 2006 09:40 PM |
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joelsef
all u people are vampires
Gender: Male
Location: Trapped |
i guess i just wasnt used to hearing people point out my story's weak spots, so i reacted in the wrong way. i hope we can put it all behind us because i think offering some pointers is helpful every now and then. i miiight post more tonight, my friend might hav a bonfire tho. if he does not ill be sure and get more up!
__________________
Just pretend the camera is a wand!
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Apr 19th, 2006 09:51 PM |
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iluvhp1_7
Fourth Year
Gender: Female
Location: Gryffindor Girls Dormitory |
do you have a screen name?
__________________
Take what you can from
your dreams, make them
as real as anything
-Dave Matthews
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Apr 20th, 2006 12:17 AM |
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Midnight109
Senior Member
Gender: Female
Location: Dreaming |
Good to see everythings sorted out.
iluvhpsomuch, when you say you need a link to a roleplay, do you mena Dark Lords Return?
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Previously Hermione202 and Midnight_Miss
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Apr 20th, 2006 01:30 PM |
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iluvhp1_7
Fourth Year
Gender: Female
Location: Gryffindor Girls Dormitory |
yea thats the one
__________________
Take what you can from
your dreams, make them
as real as anything
-Dave Matthews
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Apr 20th, 2006 09:00 PM |
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Midnight109
Senior Member
Gender: Female
Location: Dreaming |
Oh and I was the one that sorted you by the way....if you wanted the link I could give you! But then PMs doesn't let Proboard or ************ links on it.
Wonder if it'll work on here...
http://s15.************.com/Dark_Lo...turn/index.php?
Edit: Hmmm...didn't work. But all you have to do is replace the stars with invision free.
__________________
Previously Hermione202 and Midnight_Miss
Last edited by Midnight109 on Apr 20th, 2006 at 11:51 PM
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Apr 20th, 2006 11:47 PM |
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