Lea: Penis! Penis! Pe - oh shit. Here they come!
Vinny: (sights down arrowhead) Excellent.
Lea: This f*cking blows. I can't even see over the parapet to shoot, let alone watch the fun.
David: Aw, there there.
Lea: Shut up David.
David: Yes ma'am. Oh wait. I'm company commander. SHIT!
David: ARROWS READY! AIM AT PENIS! FIIIIIIIIRE!
(Arrows loose)
Uruk-Hai 2: F***CK! AHHH! Man, that other dude was right. I'd rather have a pussy than last through this. Worst. Pain. Ever.
(Uruk-Hai 3 crawls up beside 2)
Uruk-Hai 3: "You do not know pain", he says. "You do not know fear", he says. Well, I say: "BULL! SHIT!"
Uruk-Hai 2: Amen to that, bro.
David: LADDERS!
Lea: Yay!
(Ladders fall, a bunch of UH berserkers jump off)
(shots of David kneeing one in the gut and throwing him off the Deeping Wall)
David: Use your axe, Lea!
Lea: Why? I see you didn't use your sword.
David: At least I didn't kick them in the balls and b*tchslap them until they fell off!
Lea: Well, I'm a woman, David. What do you expect?!
David: Good point. Where's Vinny?
(Vinny trips over a sword and accidentally lets arrow fly, which clips short a rope and sends a ladder falling to the plain below.)
Vinny: Woooooooow.
Vinny: *sees UH charging toward him* Oh. Oh shit.
Uruk-Hai: RAAAAAAAAAAR!
Vinny: One more step and I'll shoot you in the pee-pee!
Uruk-Hai: ARRRRRRrrrgh......*whimpering*
(Lea shoves UH off wall)
Lea: Vinny, you're such a pussy.
Vinny: Hey, hey, hey. I didn't see YOU take out a score of orcs with a single shot.
Lea: Maybe because I don't have a bow?
David: We saw that anyways. It was a fluke.
Vinny: Aw, damnit.
(Later on)
David: KILL HIM! VINNY!
Vinny: Wha?
David: That guy with the sputtering blue torch!
Vinny: Oh right. (aims, fires, hits UH's shoulder)
David: You f*cking retard! The penis, remember!
Vinny: Too late! Run!
(Everyone runs)
Vinny: ROYALGUARD! JacopeX! GTFO! It's gonna blow!
(They give him the finger)
Vinny: Oh, well....f*ck you too.
David: Oh shit! I forgot my iPod back there!
(David runs back)
Lea: David, you idio -
(BOOOOM)
David: (lands heavily 100 feet away) Oh my God. Oh, that was bad. But at least I got my iPod.
(David reaches into his pocket and pulls out a smashed wreckage of an iPod)
David: Oh, f*ck it!
(UH start charging through the breach)
Lea: Oh shit! David, I'm coming!
(Jumps down and crashes into a bunch of UH, taking them down instantly)
David: Oh my God, what a crazy ass b -
David: Oh.
Uruk Hai 4: Sheesh, how is it you're so damn small and weigh a f*cking ton?
Lea: Shut the f*ck up n00b. *beheads*
Lea: What the hell, a pithole? *trips*
Gender: Male Location: Sailing the seas of cheese.
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
LANCE WINDU: I'm gonna tell you this one time, Vinny feckin' Twist, an' I ain't foolin'. What I don't know - all them things I don't know - could get you killed if I come to know them. I mean it.
VINNY TWIST: Yeah well try this one, and I'll say it just once!
LANCE WINDU: Go ahead!
VINNY TWIST: Tell you what, we coulda had a good life together! Feckin' real good life! Had us a place of our own. But you didn't want it, Lance! So what we got now is Brokeback Mountain! Everything's built on that! That's all we got, boy, feckin' all. So I hope you know that, even if you don't never know the rest! You count the damn few times we have been together in nearly twenty years and you measure the short fecking leash you keep me on - and then you ask me about Mexico and tell me you'll kill me for needing somethin' I don't hardly never get. You have no idea how bad it gets! I'm not you... I can't make it on a coupla high-altitude fecks once or twice a year! You are too much for me Lance, you sonofawhoreson bizzneratch! I WISH I KNEW HOW TO QUIT YOU.
LANCE WINDU: [crying] Well, why don't you? Why don't you just let me be? It's because of you that I'm like this! I ain't got nothing... I ain't nowhere... Get the feck off me! I can't stand being like this no more, Vinny.
Mist: Happy anniversary, Vinny.
Vinny: Mist, we broke up two months ago.
Mist: Well, that doesn't mean we can't still go out, does it?
Vinny: Well, it does actually, that's what breaking up is.
Mist: But we can still make out, right?
Vinny: Of course we can
Ken: [talking to teammates outside cave] Okay guys, these eggs have given us a lot of trouble in the past, does anybody need anything off this guy or can we bypass him?
David: Uh...I think Vinny needs something from this guy.
Ken: Oh, does he need those Devout Shoulders? Doesn't - isn't he a paladin?
David: Yeah, but that will help him heal better, he'll have more mana.
Ken: [sighs] Christ. OK, well what we'll do, I'll run in first, gather up all the eggs, we can kinda just, ya know blast them all down with AOE. I will use Intimidating Shout, to kinda scatter'em, so we don't have to fight a whole bunch of them at once. When my Shouts are done, I'll need Anfrony to come in and drop his Shout too, so we can keep them scattered and not have to fight too many. When his is done, Bass of course will need to run in and do the same thing. We're gonna need Divine Intervention on our mages, so they can do area of effect damage. So, we can of course get them down fast, cause we're bringing all these guys, I mean, we'll be in trouble if we don't take them down quick. I think this is a pretty good plan, we should be able to pull it off this time. What do you think Alpha? Can you give me a number crunch real quick?
Alpha Centauri: Yeah, gimme a sec... I'm coming up with thirty-two point three three, repeating of course, percentage, of survival.
Ken: That's a lot better than we usually do. Alright, you think we're ready guys?
Vinny: All right chums, I'm back! Let's do this!
Vinny: (deep WWF announcer voice)NUMBER SIXTEEN, VINNNYYYYYYYY VALLLEENTIIIIIIIIINNNE!
(runs in)
Ken: Oh, my God. He just ran in.
David: Save him! Oh jeez, stick to the plan. Oh jeez, let's go, let's go! [follows]
NineCoronas: Stick to the plan guys, stick to the plan!
Ken: Oh jeez, oh f*ck.
(Three dozen dragonlings spawn and attack.)
H.S.6.: Gimme a Divine Intervention, hurry up.
Ken: Shoutin'!
(The dragonlings scatter.)
Lana: I can't cast! I can't move, am I lagging, guys? I can't move!
Ken: What the—what the hell?
David: I can't AoE!
Lana: I can't move!
Ken: Oh my God...
David: The eggs keep respawning! More respawning!!
Mist: I don't think you can cast with that shit on!
KMC Community Forums
May 30th, 2006 02:01 AM
That's all for today, folks, I'm getting off. 
