House of D Review
by Steve Rhodes (Steve DOT Rhodes AT InternetReviews DOT com)April 26th, 2005
HOUSE OF D
A film review by Steve Rhodes
Copyright 2005 Steve Rhodes
RATING (0 TO ****): *
HOUSE OF D, written and directed David Duchovny, is a cacophony of completely false notes that end in a tear-jerking crescendo.
The movie, which starts in the present in Paris, is told in extensive voice-over by Tom Warshaw (Duchovny), as he explains the coming of age incidents that happened to him just before he turned thirteen. Anton, who looks and is two to three years too old for the part, plays the lead character of Tommy Warshaw, who lived in Greenwich Village in 1973.
Families in movies generally come in two flavors: dysfunctional or single parent. Yes, you guessed it. Tommy's family is both. Tommy's mother (played by Duchovny's real-life wife, Téa Leoni) is a pill-popper and a chain-smoker that might as well have "Not long for this world!" tattooed on her forehead. One of the first of the movie's false notes occurs in his mother's bedroom. In order to pull her out of her depression, Tommy does an impression of President Nixon with a fake hard-on.
The story's most unbelievable moment occurs at St. Andrew's School, a private preppy academy where dirt poor Tommy attends on a much needed scholarship. The students are bored, so they rip pages out of their bibles during religion class and, as Reverend Duncan (Frank Langella), their equally bored teacher, looks at them, they toss the pages out the window like softballs -- not one or two but dozens. Meanwhile, the reverend is doing his best to connect with his students by making all of the religious jokes he can muster, while they look at him with complete disdain, disgust and disinterest. Later, this same minister, after asking one of the female students to dance, remarks to her, "You better leave some room for Jesus, Miss Johnson," when she accidentally gets a little close. Another groaner of a moment in a cloying and pretentious film filled with them.
Tommy's mentor is a female prisoner at the house of detention, hence the film's title, to whom he comes regularly for advice on his life. She conveniently sees him through a long, sharp mirror sliver -- Right! -- which she uses from her second floor cell.
In yet another plot contrivance, there is an old blind woman who keeps all of her money in wadded up bills in a paper sack. She has her meat delivered by Tommy and his friend, Pappass, who have the responsibility of digging into the bag and getting out just the right amount. Pappass, who has the official title of assistant janitor at Tommy's school, is a "retard" played with gawky, fake teeth by Robin Williams in one of his more cheesy performances. At the end, the script issues a politically correct apology by having Pappass, in the present, explain how his status over the years had been upgraded from "retard" to "handicapped" to "challenged." Pappass goes on to explain that this will undoubtedly be changed again in the future.
The movie has but a single saving grace, Robin Williams's daughter Zelda, who gives a genuine and sweet performance as Melissa, Tommy's new girlfriend. She does her best to breathe a little life into a movie with none.
HOUSE OF D runs 1:36. It is rated PG-13 for "sexual and drug references, thematic elements and language" and would be acceptable for kids around 12 and up.
The film opens in limited release in the United States on Friday, April 15, 2005.
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