The Italian Job Review
by Jon Popick (jpopick AT sick-boy DOT com)May 27th, 2003
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What's the deal with taking cool Michael Caine films from the '60s and remaking them with sub-par American talent? First we had to watch Sly Stallone grunt through Get Carter, and now we get Mark Wahlberg in a new version of 1969's Golden Globe-nominated The Italian Job. You know why he's called Wahlberg? Because his range falls somewhere between a wall and an iceberg. His New Kids On the Block brother has it going on way more than ol' Marky does. This is his third consecutive limp remake, following The Truth About Charlie and Planet of the Apes. Somebody stop him before he stumbles upon that Shakespeare dude.
Job is a by-the-numbers heist flick whose only notable aspect is that its trailer gives away approximately 98% of the entire film, including the clever opening scene in which a safe containing $35 million in gold bars is lifted from a Venice warehouse. This job signals the passing of the torch in the six-man crew that was formerly led by John Bridger (Donald Sutherland, Final Fantasy). The Venice heist was the first designed by his replacement, Charlie Croker (Wahlberg), and it all goes down without a hitch (save the extended boat chase through the canals) until the men decide to have a champagne celebration in an isolated part of the Alps accessible by a single bridge.
As portrayed in the trailer, Steve Frezelli (Edward Norton, The 25th Hour) pulls a double-cross, snatches the gold and moves to Beverly (Hills, that is). The rest of Job portrays Croker's attempt to re-steal the twice-stolen gold before Steve is able to ditch it all in the pawn shops of Los Angeles (how likely does that sound?). To round out his team, which already consists of a getaway driver (Jason Statham, The Transporter), an explosions expert (Mos Def, Brown Sugar) and a computer specialist (Seth Green, Knockaround Guys), Croker recruits Bridger's daughter (Charlize Theron, Trapped) to be the safecracker. She's not a criminal, but...oh, it's a long story. Just download the trailer for the rest.
The big finale, which the infernal trailer shows in detail, one-ups Caine's Mini Coopers by having them drive through the Los Angeles subway system . Incredibly, this is the sole believable part of Job since LA is the only city in the world with an underground so devoid of commuters, you can drive three cars around its platforms. I was expecting some kind of twist ending, like you usually get in a heist film, but Job wasn't clever enough to do that.
Norton has made no secret of his hatred of Job, but the studio threatened to sue if he refused the gig (because of an unfulfilled three-picture deal). He can either smell a dog from a mile away, or perhaps he was just pissed off about a douche like Wahlberg getting top billing. Another lifeless dud from director F. Gary Gray (A Man Apart).
1:45 - PG-13 for violence and some language
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