Die Another Day Review
by Jon Popick (jpopick AT sick-boy DOT com)December 20th, 2002
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The James Bond franchise celebrates its 40th year on the big screen with the release of the 20th installment featuring Ian Fleming's martini-swilling secret agent. Die Another Day has it all, if, by "all" you mean the same exact thing over and over and over again. Nothing has been altered in the Bond formula over the years, and Day doesn't even begin to suggest the campy blueprint will be abandoned anytime in the near future. As a result, the new film isn't nearly as good as the worst episode of Alias.
I get suckered into this whole Bond thing every time one of the new films is released. Why? Because it's a Bond film. I think men born after 1960 have some kind of Bond excitement gene programmed into their DNA. But, with few exceptions, most of the Bond films released in my lifetime have been supreme letdowns. License to kill? Bond has a license to offer barely adequate entertainment. Day is just XXX with an older, less buff guy as the lead. What does it mean when a no-talent like Vin Diesel can make a flick just as good as a Bond film? And what does it mean when a spoof of Bond (Austin Powers) would crush it in a head-to-head battle?
I almost thought Day was going to stray from its clichéd roots, but the excitement was short-lived. The film starts with Bond (Pierce Brosnan, The Tailor of Panama) surfing (!) his way into Korea's DMZ before botching a diamonds-for-arms swap that results in him being held prisoner and tortured over Day's opening credits. 14 months later, he's finally released in a hostage exchange, but finds himself on the outs with MI6, who think Bond may have revealed international secrets under the duress of torture. But our hero won't have any of MI6's suspension, and before you know it, the cagey old pro is globetrotting around to places like Cuba and Iceland in pursuit of a nefarious baddie who looks a lot like Breaking Away-era Dennis Quaid (Toby Stephens, Possession).
Along the way, there are lots and lots of explosions, cool gadgetry and, of course, a couple of slinky women delivering plenty of sexual innuendo via double entendre. The beginning was kind of interesting, but it's all downhill from there. Sean Connery's rumored cameo found its way to the editing room floor, but there was enough space to include both a song and a brief appearance from Madonna, who is legendary for involving herself in only the highest quality cinema. The person generating the most buzz from Day is Oscar winner Halle Berry (Monster's Ball), whose Jinx makes a first appearance that is a nod to Ursula Andress's arrival in Dr. No. Producers are already talking about spinning off a project for the character, who dresses like schoolmarm compared to Berry's last two roles (from Ball and Swordfish).
Aside from the ending, which elicited unintentional laughter by having Stephens's character wield a magic glove that makes that purple lightning stuff when he touches people (just like Return of the Jedi), the best part of Day was when Bond strolled through Q's (John Cleese - apparently he was promoted from R) office and longingly gazed at the old gadgets from his previous adventures. Day seemed like it was going to end two or three times, but then continued to prolong the explosions and wince-worthy puns. But you sick bastards still won't be able to get your fill, will you? Another film is already in the works, with Brosnan signed on for what is supposed to be his last installment.
2:13 - PG-13 for action violence and sexuality
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