Jonah Hex Review
by Homer Yen (homeryen88 AT gmail DOT com)June 22nd, 2010
"Jonah" - What the Heck?
by Homer Yen
(c) 2010
Let me give you four things that you can do that requires about 81 minutes. And, then let's take a look at which option might be the most enjoyable.
a) having a Christmas dinner with dysfunctional in-laws;
b) Waiting for an international flight, which includes full body scans, check-in procedures, and all that jazz;
c) doing the monthly water change for your 75-gallon saltwater fish tank; d) watching "Jonah Hex".
Well, having a holiday meal with the in-laws can always lead to tension and/or outrageous moments. Waiting for the flight fills the traveler with anticipation as they ready for their trip. Monthly water changes to save your expensive saltwater fish from perishing gives you a sense of purpose. Watching "Jonah Hex" provides you with absolutely none of the abovementioned qualities.
Bad writing and flat characters dominate the film such that nothing can breathe life into "Jonah Hex". The film is about a vengeance seeking-civil war soldier (the titular Jonah Hex) whose family was ruthlessly murdered by his nemesis. Josh Brolin is the anti-hero, in his patented, full-on, I-must-brood mode like he does in many of his other films. Imagine Marge Simpson's sisters verbalizing their disdain for Homer Simpson, and you kind of get the tonal inflections of the Brolin character. His nemsis, Quentin Turnbull is snarkily played by John Malkovich who applies his patented Malkovichness. And, yet, he doesn't get to unleash his full-on snarkiness (he rocked in "Beowulf") that we usually so enjoy. Megan Fox is the eye candy that's needed in these types of tough-guy films. She is required to do very little and I think that the most challenging part of her role was fitting into that corset-costume with the 18" waistline. Doing so is probably one of the biggest accomplishments of the film.
The film's failings have nothing to do with the actors. It is just a poorly written film. The story is about as deep as a 3-panel comic strip. The characters are as two-dimensional as the pages from which these characters were lifted. Good villains possess this kind of slow-burn, but this one just seems to act callously for no reason. Good guys usually carry a compelling reason to succeed, but vengeance alone can only take you so far.
This is an interesting time and place when the antebellum era saw an emergence of rampant lawlessness and corruption. But the film has chosen to focus on everything that is NOT interesting. Everything is so chaotically edited and the story barrels from one set up to the next. There were certainly some people that deserved more screen time such as Turnbull's sadistic right-hand man as well as the weaponsmith that created such neat-o gadgets like the crossbow with dynamite-infused cross bolts.
These 81 minutes sure do seem tedious as there is very little for the audience to invest in. None of the characters are memorable, none of the dialogue is especially witty, the story runs as straight as an arrow, and the film only has one speed. If anyone feels a need for vengeance, it's certainly the audience,
Grade: D
S: 1 out of 3
L: 0 out of 3
V: 2 out of 3
Originally posted in the rec.arts.movies.reviews newsgroup. Copyright belongs to original author unless otherwise stated. We take no responsibilities nor do we endorse the contents of this review.
