Kangaroo Jack Review
by Ronald O. Christian (ronc AT europa DOT com)January 20th, 2003
Kangaroo Jack (2003)
A Jerry Bruckheimer Film (which explains a lot)
Zero stars.
My daughter tested Saturday for her yellow belt, finally terminating what has to be the longest stretch a regularly attending student had remained a white belt in any martial art. As a treat she was allowed to pick one CD, one DVD, and one movie. She hasn't decided on the DVD yet, but the movie was no contest -- I was obliged to take her to Kangaroo Jack on Sunday afternoon. Wife stayed home, as it was my idea to offer daughter a treat for passing her test, and besides, football was on. (I am officially a football widower.)
So, tattered matinee tickets in hand, leaving a trail of popcorn from the Regal "kid's pack", we sat down for what was to be the most excruciating film experience of 2003, so far.
Mind you, this film could have worked. The plot, although a bit simplistic, does have it's clever aspects. In the hands of, say, Quentin Tarantino, with some decent writers and some actors who know the difference between "acting" and "mugging furiously", this could have been Pulp Fiction in Australia. Instead, we got Snow Dogs from Hell, complete with the obligatory talking-animal hallucination.
So lessee, ya gotcher fart jokes, and yer breast jokes, and yer gay jokes, and penis jokes and fecal jokes and fat jokes, and... lessee, have I left anything out? Oh yeah, the requirement that every gag must be performed at least twice. After awhile we were saying "that's a gag... we're gonna see that again... wait for it... yep, there it goes..." Except of course the fart jokes, which go on and on and on until you want to turn your cell phone back on and beg someone to call you.
I mean really -- it'd be different if the jokes were actually funny. We rented Super Troopers the other night and I enjoyed it in a lowbrow sort of way. Kangaroo Jack in contrast tries for a kind of PG-7 lowbrow humor with a few homophobic references thrown in for the parents and ends up being tame and offensive at the same time. It's hard to imagine what demographic they were trying for.
Super Troopers, by the way, proves that a naked obese man *can* be funny in the right circumstances, something the writers of Kangaroo Jack couldn't apparently get a handle on.
I have to ask -- is there an official story of what happened to Estella Warren's lips? Was it a cosmetic procedure gone horribly wrong? I didn't really pay too much attention to her in Planet of the Apes, but all during the obligatory limpid pool/waterfall/wet t-shirt scene in Kangaroo Jack, I was constantly distracted by what appeared to be a livid scar across the top of her mouth that didn't move naturally when she talked. If she was born that way, she ought to get it fixed. If she had it done, she ought to sue. I mean, she's otherwise very pretty, and has a nice speaking voice, but ye gods. It's a terrible thing when you can't even enjoy the gratuitous wet-t-shirt scene. (Albeit, curiously devoid of nipples...)
And in the name of all that's holy, someone please tell Anthony Anderson to get that damned tooth capped. It may be endearing in person but on the big screen he looks like The Drive-Thru Tree.
The one bright spot of the whole experience was that daughter's pick for her CD was "the one with 'down under'" which allowed me to introduce her to Men at Work. She's been listening to their "greatest hits" all evening and loves it. Now I just have to work on her taste in films.
Kangaroo Jack: Zero stars. It'll take awhile for me to get the taste of that one out of my brain.
Ron
Originally posted in the rec.arts.movies.reviews newsgroup. Copyright belongs to original author unless otherwise stated. We take no responsibilities nor do we endorse the contents of this review.
