Kangaroo Jack Review
by Jon Popick (jpopick AT sick-boy DOT com)February 14th, 2003
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A bizarre, PG-rated blend of Tommy Boy, Weekend at Bernie's, Knockaround Guys and Gus Van Sant's upcoming Gerry, Kangaroo Jack is, at its very best, an impossibly stupid movie. Not only is it a dumb film, but it'll probably be the worst picture ever made about a kangaroo who steals money from the Mob.
I have to admit something here: I was actually anxious to see Jack when I saw the film's tagline, which I thought read, "He stole the monkey... and he's not giving it back," implying the story was going to be about a kangaroo and someone else's monkey, which made me happy. The problem is I misread the thing - it's "money," not "monkey." This made me very sad.
You know those old cartoons with Sylvester and that kangaroo that was always escaping from the circus/zoo and being mistaken for a giant mouse? They're all light years better and funnier than Jack. And even though those animated shorts were pretty violent, parents never had much of a problem plopping their kids in front of the television to watch them. They might want to think twice about Jack, which boasts a plethora of non-PG material, including gunplay, boob squeezing, the Mafia, airport security screeners, jokes about testicle removal, grand theft, camel farts, alcohol abuse and wet, see-through tank tops. Did I mention Jack was produced by Jerry Bruckheimer?
Jack's story involves a hapless Brooklyn hairdresser named Charlie (Jerry O'Connell, Tomcats) and his slightly more hapless best friend, Louis (Anthony Anderson, Barbershop). The film's opening scene - a flashback to 1982 - shows the latter saving the former from drowning (And why is the young Charlie so skinny? I remember him being a porker in Stand By Me). Now, 20 years later, Louis never lets Charlie forget his selfless act. He also uses the ancient history to playfully blackmail his pal into bailing him out of his various get-rich-quick schemes, the latest of which involves a truckload of hot televisions.
Long story short, Charlie inadvertently leads the cops to a warehouse owned by his mobster stepfather (Christopher Walken, who delivers another weird soliloquy about a mouse). Stepfather is angry and sends Charlie and Louis on a Mob job to prove their worth. The duo are to head to Australia and deliver an envelope to somebody named Mr. Smith. When they get Down Under, Charlie and Louis accidentally run over a kangaroo (it's not like Cruisin' USA, where they just turn to chunks) and mistake him for dead. But, of course, the Jar Jar Binks-inspired marsupial isn't dead at all, and when he wakes up, he makes off with the envelope, which we now know to contain $50,000. Somewhere along the way, they gain the help of a buxom blonde played by Estella Warren (Planet of the Apes), who might actually be a worse actress than Gillian Anderson.
The rest is one long chase sequence that is pure comedic gold. Wait...did I say "gold"? Sorry. I meant "shit." And forget that "comedic" part, too. It's pure shit. But I guess that's the kind of thing one should expect from a screenplay written by Steve Bing (best known for knocking up Liz Hurley) and Scott Rosenberg (best known for getting into a bar fight with Steve Buscemi and Vince Vaughn).
1:29 - PG for language, crude humor, sensuality and violence
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