Kingdom of Heaven Review
by "Steve Rhodes" (Steve DOT Rhodes AT InternetReviews DOT com)May 28th, 2005
KINGDOM OF HEAVEN
A film review by Steve Rhodes
Copyright 2005 Steve Rhodes
RATING (0 TO ****): *
So when you woke up this morning, did you think to yourself that you'd like to see a movie about Jerusalem in the 1100s? After last year's abysmal KING ARTHUR, you'd think the studios would have realized that costume dramas without interesting scripts turn movie watching into little more than long exercises in tedium. So it is with KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, the first of this year's summer blockbusters, which is a confusing dud of enormous
proportions.
The murky plotting in KINGDOM OF HEAVEN is so baffling that even scholars of twelfth century history will have trouble following it. About all that is certain is that there are various factions fighting over Jerusalem, with rival religions somehow at the heart of the struggles. Every once in a while, someone says something scandalous such as, "To kill an infidel is not murder. It is the path to heaven."
But this movie isn't the least bit interested in the issues surrounding a holy way between Christians and Muslims. It proves this by wasting over an hour and a half of our time in an exceedingly dull back story about a new knight named Balian. Orlando Bloom, whose supporting performance was so lame in TROY last year, proves to be a terrible choice as the film's lead in the character of Balian. Eva Green, as his love interest is so incredibly awful, however, that Bloom's acting does appear a bit better in comparison.
Although directed by GLADIATOR's Ridley Scott, KINGDOM OF HEAVEN is completely devoid of GLADIATOR's energy and reasonably lucid storytelling. Scott never provides any reason whatsoever as to why we should care about these characters, this movie or this period in history.
If you must see KINGDOM OF HEAVEN, don't enter the theater until the last thirty minutes. This way you can still see the whole point of the picture, a twenty-minute special effects laden battle sequence that relies mainly on noisy firebombs to provide the film's lone excitement. Your understanding, or lack thereof, will not be hampered in any way by your late arrival. You'll be scratching your head in the lobby afterwards with the rest of the audience, as you try to figure what that was all about. Even last week's pathetic XXX: STATE OF THE UNION was more fun and even made more sense than KINGDOM OF HEAVEN.
KINGDOM OF HEAVEN runs a butt-numbing 2:25. It is rated R for "strong violence and epic warfare" and would be acceptable for older teenagers.
The film opens nationwide in the United States on Friday, May 6, 2005. In the Silicon Valley, it will be showing at the AMC theaters, the Century theaters and the Camera Cinemas.
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Originally posted in the rec.arts.movies.reviews newsgroup. Copyright belongs to original author unless otherwise stated. We take no responsibilities nor do we endorse the contents of this review.
