Knock Off Review
by Jamey Hughton (bhughton AT sk DOT sympatico DOT ca)September 30th, 1999
KNOCK OFF
* (out of five stars)
A review by Jamey Hughton
Starring-Jean-Claude Van Damme, Rob Schneider,
Lela Rochon and Paul Sorvino
Director-Tsui Hark
Rated 14A
Released 1998
Sony
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Once upon a time Jean-Claude Van Damme was a decent action hero. The
Muscles from Brussels bursted into the Hollywood market with mindless
adventure films, boasting his spectacular martial-arts ability. Some of
these excursions were fun. But now it seems like watching a Van Damme
movie has become a painful chore, with no rewards but the virtually
guaranteed helping of mind-numbing action. And when the action goes
sour, what is there left to enjoy?
I’ll explain. Knock Off is about a pair of counterfeit jeans salesmen
working out of an office in Hong Kong. Marcus Ray (Van Damme), a
babe-magnet and stylish dresser, heads up the company with an annoying
weasel of a partner (Rob Schneider). They become part of a plot
involving microbombs implanted in counterfeit jeans, seemingly by a mole
in the business. I’m going to reveal about everything in the next
paragraph, so if you want a review devoid of spoilers, skip onto the
next one. I’m not quite sure who gives a crap, but I’ll issue a warning
anyhow.
Tommy is really working with the CIA. His boss (a very hammy and flat
Paul Sorvino) is the mole, and he wants to cause carnage with these tiny
but immensely powerful super weapons. He even stoops so low to put them
into children’s toys. If you thought this plot outline sounded
intriguing, then you probably will enjoy Knock Off. If you think that
this ridiculous set-up couldn’t even fill five minutes of screen time
without causing you to roll over laughing, this might not be your cup of
tea.
Knock Off sucks. It stoops to ridiculous levels that most individuals
could only conjure up in horrific nightmares. It amazes me how far these
producers will go to sell something, simply because Van Damme is the
star. The plot is pathetic garbage strung together by inane action
sequences that will baffle your mind, the performances are so wooden you
could use them to row a canoe, and the action itself is an absolute
catastrophe. Director Tsui Hark (who teamed with Van Damme in the
superior, but still lame-brained Double Team) is at the helm, and he
would rather attempt to dazzle us with fantastic camera angles than
engage us with the plot. I suppose I enjoyed some of the camera work,
but the incessant desperation of it all made me rather nauseous. The
picture freezes in the middle of an action sequence, speeds are altered
consistently, and the camera tricks mostly apply to traveling up gun
barrels as the weapons are fired. It all sounds very cool. Trust me, it
isn’t.
As much as it scars me to say this (har, har), Van Damme is terrible.
Sure, he does lots of fancy kickboxing moves and dodges giant crates
with the greatest of ease. He looks like he’s doing a bad impersonation
of Jackie Chan, and his performance is stiff and tired. I hate to say
it, but perhaps it’s time for Mr. Van Damme to give up his day job.
It’s really a test of endurance watching Knock Off. I suppose there’s
some enjoyment derived from Schneider’s character, who is extremely
annoying, but provides the film’s better moments. And what is the
beautiful Lela Rochon doing in this movie? Hopefully she grabbed her
paycheck and then fled the premises like an Olympic sprinter. Knock Off
doesn’t even stand strong as a mindless but entertaining action film,
like a handful of Van Damme’s others. No, this movie is an embarrassment
to the entire action genre of modern filmmaking. And considering how low
Hollywood has stooped as of late in that department, that is certainly
not saying much.
Note to self: Avoid Universal Soldier 2: The Return upon release in
August ‘99.
(C) 1999, Jamey Hughton
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