Lady in the Water Review
by Steve Rhodes (Steve DOT Rhodes AT InternetReviews DOT com)July 19th, 2006
LADY IN THE WATER
A film review by Steve Rhodes
Copyright 2006 Steve Rhodes
RATING (0 TO ****): * 1/2
>From his smash hit, THE SIXTH SENSE, to his latest production, LADY IN THE WATER, writer and director M. Night Shyamalan has been on a steady descent, with each of his films being of significantly lesser quality than the one before. His last picture, THE VILLAGE, was a big disappointment, but his latest movie, which also stars Bryce Dallas Howard as the leading lady, is a bigger letdown still. Why he casts such a minimally talented actress like Howard is a bigger mystery than the movie itself, which is completely predictable. It's also silly and sappy and likely to induce slumber in most viewers. Neither the characters nor the story are something that you'll care about in the least.
The convoluted plot involves a water nymph called Story (Howard), who shows up on land and needs to be saved. Story is a wimpy woman with pasty-colored skin. This fairy tale, which plays like an ever so slightly scary version of SPLASH, involves a beast who looks a wolf having a bad hair day and a kid who interprets the hidden meaning of cereal boxes. Story is a "Narf," but not just any Narf. She is none other than the "Madame Narf," which comes only once in a generation.
As the male lead, Paul Giamatti (SIDEWAYS) plays Cleveland Heep, a super with a stutter -- no, not a superhero, but a superintendent (read maintenance man) at an apartment complex in Philadelphia. Cleveland, whom everyone needs -- but only to fix their toilets and lights, finally finds his calling when Story needs him to organize the occupants of the apartment complex to play various roles on her rescue team.
Alfred Hitchcock was smart enough to stick to cameos in his movies. As Shyamalan becomes increasingly self-indulgent, he keeps finding bigger parts for himself. This time, he cast himself in a key role of a writer and eventual martyr, whose best selling book, bizarrely called "The Cookbook," will change the world forever. One suspects that Shyamalan sees his films as having a similar power.
The movie does have one completely satisfying scene and one that critic-hating audiences worldwide will love. As a pompous film critic named Farber, Bob Balaban looks the movie's one monster straight in the eye with the confidence of a man who has seen enough bad horror movies to know exactly what will happen next. In scenes like these, the guy always escapes at the last minute, he reckons. Of course, you can guess what really happens this time -- to the great glee of the audience. Glee, however, is something that is in short supply in this tedious tale.
LADY IN THE WATER runs 1:50. It is rated PG-13 for "some frightening sequences" and would be acceptable for kids around 10 and up.
The film opens nationwide in the United States on Friday, June 21, 2006. In the Silicon Valley, it will be showing at the AMC theaters, the Century theaters and the Camera Cinemas.
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