League of Extraordinary Gentlemen Review
by Jerry Saravia (faust668 AT aol DOT com)May 3rd, 2004
THE LEAGUE OF EXTRAORDINARY GENTLEMEN (2003)
Reviewed by Jerry Saravia
RATING: One star and a half
Sean Connery reportedly turned down roles in "The Matrix" and "Lord of the Rings." Apparently, he did not understand them (what is so blindingly complex about "Lord of the Rings"?) So instead of turning down "League of Extraordinary Gentlemen," which he did not understand, he takes on the coveted role of Alan Quartermain. That's understandable since Connery is perfect for that role, but the movie is a lumbering bore with the most infrequent sparks of excitement.
Now for a slight digression: a friend of mine liked "LXG" (a suitable abbreviation used in ads for this movie) but he hated "Highlander 2: The Quickening." I liked "Highlander 2" for its witty exchanges courtesy of Sean Connery. But there is nothing to take away from "LXG." The characters are filled with no inner life or distinctive personality. For example, we have Connery as Alan Quartermain, the aging adventurer, who will do anything for the British Empire (as he proclaims early on, "Long Live the Queen!") But he still has reservations because he lost his son to the Empire. Nevertheless, Quartermain joins a league of gentlemen that includes former pirate Captain Nemo (Naseeruddin Shah); the Invisible Man aka Rodney Skinner (Tony Curran); Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde (Jason Flemyng); the sophisticated Dorian Gray (Stuart Townshend); a mature Tom Sawyer (Shane West), who fires a gun like an American (thank you, Mr. Quartermain); and vampire Mina Harker (Peta Wilson). Wait a doggone minute! Mina is no gentleman!
Based on a graphic novel, "LXG" begins with a hint of promise. After a while, all promise is thrown to the winds when Quartermain fights with his bare fists and a rifle against machine-gun-toting villains! Now this tale is set in 1899 so where do these machine guns come from? But really bothered me is that the gunfight is right at the beginning of the movie - it is saying something when 1985's "King Solomon's Mines" (featuring Richard Chamberlain as Quartermain) had more pizzazz and subtlety than what transpires in all of "LXG." For action, we get the requisite explosions (including a series of dirigibles exploding in unison), a futuristic looking "automobile" that looks more like Connery's limo, a humongous looking ship called the Nautilus that seems to occupy more space than it should (especially when traveling through the canals of Venice), and one too many whizzing bullets.
To make matters worse, we have some unintended laughs from the humongous Mr. Hyde, seen at first galloping through the rooftops of the Rue Morgue with his tuxedo ripped apart and hat intact. Ha! Then Mr. Hyde fights a bigger hulk at the climax! Then the curious Mr. Gray is apparently immortal (or dead, take your pick) because bullets pass through him like flypaper! I am sure some of you know that the literary Mr. Gray made a deal with the devil where he would stay young forever while his portrait would age. Okay, but where is it written that it also makes Gray impervious to bullets? Perhaps readers of the comic can enlighten me. And Mina Harker has a knack for biting necks - does that mean she is also powerless like the literary Dracula during daylight? And why the rambunctious Tom Sawyer comes to the rescue of this league when he is uninvited still vexes me.
Of course, none of this would matter if the movie was fun on some escapist level. What we get are a series of unrelated action setpieces with no sense of urgency or level of adventure. Since the adventure is ambiguous at best (we never know what is really at stake outside of the destruction of Venice) and the characters are thinner than paint thinner, we are left with a whole lot of nothing. It is the League of The Invisible Story.
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