License to Wed Review
by Steve Rhodes (Steve DOT Rhodes AT InternetReviews DOT com)July 2nd, 2007
LICENSE TO WED
A film review by Steve Rhodes
Copyright 2007 Steve Rhodes
RATING (0 TO ****): **
In the broad, slapstick comedy LICENSE TO WED, Mandy Moore is so likable, while Robin Williams is so not. John Krasinski, the third lead, is so incredibly bland that his performance isn't worth commenting on. Krasinski is like wallpaper. He's just there.
Very predictable and without a single genuine moment, the movie does offer a few good laughs among the many groans.
"For a lot of people, marriage is like sticking your tongue on a frozen flag pole," Reverend Frank (Williams) explains to us in voice-over in the story's introduction. The Reverend Frank is an obnoxious character who likes to break down relationships so that he can heal then. He is the sort of free-wheeling priest who likes to teach the Ten Commandments to catechism classes by turning the scriptures into game show questions, complete with a game board and cheesy sound effects.
Before couples can get married in Reverend Frank's church, they have to pass his rigorous and invasive marriage course first. Since his church is so fully booked, he offers lovebirds Sadie (Moore) and Ben (Krasinski) a choice of two dates -- three weeks away or two years away. They pick the nearer date, which forces them to attempt to pass the grueling three month marriage course in just three weeks.
The Reverend puts his students through an arduous regimen. They have to report to the local bar, where the men are taught how to carry their wives for long distances in preparation for carrying them over the threshold. They also are shown how to fight, even if they've never had a single disagreement before.
One rule of the course is that there is to be no sex, once the course has begun, until the ceremony. Since Sadie and Ben live together, Reverend Frank and his Mini-Me sidekick, a pudgy kid played gratingly by Josh Flitter, bug the apartment where Sadie and Ben shared their most intimate moments. If any of their thoughts turn to hanky-panky, the reverend comes instantly to the door to throw a verbal cold shower on the idea.
In perhaps the most disturbing part of the film, Sadie and Ben are given twin babies to care for in order to test their parenting potential. The babies are incredibly ugly and fake. These mechanical beasts are absolutely awful, doing all of the sort of gross stuff that you can easily imagine. The movie's biggest laugh comes when Ben shakes one of the twins violently in order to make it stop crying and then bash its head on the counter when the crying doesn't subside. Personally, I was embarrassed by my audience's laughter during this episode.
Yes, there are some good parts. My favorite comes in the inscription that Ben has placed on Sadie's ring, "Never to part." Since he doesn't completely close the circle on the "p," the jeweler thinks it is an "f." When Ben picks up the ring and complains, the jeweler brings various people over to give their opinion on exactly what the customer wrote. Needless to say, everyone thinks it is an "f."
Most of the humor, however, is as bad as Reverend Frank's dog. This slobbering bulldog is supposed to be doubly funny since his name is the biblical Nicodemus and since the dog wears a priest's collar just like his owner. See what I mean about groans?
LICENSE TO WED runs 1:30. It is rated PG-13 for "sexual humor and language" and would be acceptable for kids around 12 and up.
The film opens nationwide in the United States on Tuesday, July 3, 2007. In the Silicon Valley, it will be showing at the AMC theaters, the Century theaters and the Camera Cinemas.
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