Never Been Kissed Review

by "Kleszczewski, Nicholas" (Nicholas DOT Kleszczewski AT pepsi DOT com)
May 20th, 1999

Never Been Kissed

I'm currently accepting all future names for Drew Barrymore characters. In _The Wedding Singer_, she was Julia Gulia. In _Never Been Kissed_, she's Josie Grossie. Future DB character names include: Janet Granite, Janey Grainy, and for that NC-17 project in the works, Jo-Jo... aw forget it. I'll stick to my day job.

This is a teen movie, all right, except the main characters aren't teens. Drew Barrymore is a copy editor at the Chicago Sun Times who gets her big break as a reporter, only it's very clear from the onset that she lacks the toughness and the pushy extravertedness that marks the best of reporters. The story she's covering is not really a story, but a story in the making. She is to return to high school as a student and explain what's REALLY going on.

The irony is that Drew's character, was such a dweeb first time around, that she is terrified at going back. When she does, she says the wrong things, wears the wrong clothes, and projects the "I know the answer" in class that popular kids (or at least popular kids in the movies) reject. At least she befriends nerdy Aldys (Joan of Arc's Leelee Sobieski--watch for her), who turns out to be more beautiful than those who are "supposed" to be more beautiful than her.

What works: Drew's geeky old-self. After a start in films that was headline driven, and a nadir of roles that had her play the sluttish character, it's a surprise to see her with bad hair, big glasses and braces. It's very funny.

What doesn't work: Drew's geeky new-self. Come on. Nobody dresses as bad as she does. Couldn't she just go to _The Gap_ and take suggestions? Had she dressed like Princess Leia it would have been better.

The comedy is supposed to progress when Drew's younger brother (played with zest by David Arquette) reenlists to jump-start his baseball career. Now, how in the world can somebody as nerdy (but in a funny way) as he can be the most popular kid in the school... in a day?!

The dialogue in the film is, well, an embarrassment. Her co-workers (Molly Shannon, John C. Reilly and Gary Marshall) are in terminal hyper-drive. Her teenage peers (except Sobieski) are so inept and stupid that there's little bite from them. Couldn't the filmmakers watch _Heathers_ first?

Lastly, I am proud to say that I caught a significant gaffe in the film. If you see the film, you'd know what I'm talking about:

Drew walks into a bar, has her hand stamped, and over the night associates with some Rastafarians with some delicious, um, cake. She goes wild, sleeps in late. When she wakes, she rushes off to school, without showering, without noticing that her head, lying on her stamped hand all night, has transferred part of the stamp's image to her forehead, spelling "LOSER". Funny, eh?

...except that the hand would have transferred that image BACKWORDS.
Nick Scale (1 to 10): 4

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