The Next Best Thing Review
by "Steve Rhodes" (Steve DOT Rhodes AT InternetReviews DOT com)March 10th, 2000
THE NEXT BEST THING
A film review by Steve Rhodes
Copyright 2000 Steve Rhodes
RATING (0 TO ****): *
John Schlesinger's THE NEXT BEST THING, starring Rupert Everett and Madonna, goes all the way from being a light-hearted comedy to a tragic tear-jerker. But, since none of the sentiments ever seem genuine, the film is never funny or moving. Our audience stared silently at the picture with all of the emotional outpouring of someone who had mistakenly walked into the funeral of a stranger.
Madonna plays Abbie, a beautiful Yoga instructor whose biological clock is running out. Convinced that she'll never find Mr. Right, she decides that she'd like to have a child with her best buddy, Robert (Everett), who is a gay gardener. The cliché-ridden script reinforces her notion of hopelessness by having her proclaim that all of the men in LA are gay.
Among the film's many annoying aspects is the lighting. Like the halo that follows an angel, the center of Madonna's face is constantly bathed in the warm glow from a spotlight. This gives the movie the feel of one long photo shoot and reinforces its lack of reality.
In the story's middle act, we witness the world's most perfect family, as Robert and Abbie take care of their 6-year-old son, Sam (Malcolm Stumpf). Sam is the most plastic of all of the characters. He's perfectly happy, healthy and unaffected, even when the adults around him scream and threaten awful things. Even in the morose last act, Sam's negative emotions are AWOL.
The mean-spirited and ugly concluding segment tries hard to be KRAMER VS. KRAMER, except that it can't. The characters in that film were genuine.
"You're embarrassed, aren't you?" Abbie asks Robert at one point. "Embarrassment is the understatement of the year," he replies. One hopes and suspects that that is exactly how Madonna and Rupert Everett feel for foisting this travesty upon their fans.
THE NEXT BEST THING runs 1:45. It is rated PG-13 for mature thematic elements, sexual content, partial nudity and language and would be acceptable for teenagers.
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