Out Cold Review
by Steve Rhodes (Steve DOT Rhodes AT InternetReviews DOT com)November 27th, 2001
OUT COLD
A film review by Steve Rhodes
Copyright 2001 Steve Rhodes
RATING (0 TO ****): *
What could you do with a bucket, a paintbrush and ten pounds of salt? Well, if you were one of the dudes in Brendan and Emmett Malloy's OUT COLD, you could get a bear to lick a drunken guy's private parts. Of course, in the real world, leaving a passed-out guy in the snow overnight with his pants down would cause him to die of hypothermia. But Jon Zack's script has nothing to do with real life -- or comedy for that matter. The best that can be said of OUT COLD is that it is generally more lame than obnoxious. Funny it isn't.
This is the movie that dares to ask, "Can you get an STD (sexually transmitted disease) from a bear?" You won't care enough to laugh or consider what the answer might be. Among other such would-be humorous lines is the epithet, "You fight like a retard!"
The movie features a game called "King of the Mountain." It's a game with no rules, but the winner is apparently the snowboarder who has the most beer left in his mug at the base of the mountain. Slapping the bronzed buttock of a statue of a mooning skier is also part of the ritual.
Mainly a male movie, the story's females tend to be male fantasy figures. One dream sequence has a bunch of scantily-clad women trapped high up in a gondola. A guy named Pigpen (Derek Hamilton) goes to rescue them. His solution? They have to take off their bikini tops so he can use the tops to create a rope. A constant tease, the movie shows almost nothing so that it can sneak in with a PG-13 rating.
What does the film have to offer? It's not much, but it does at least have some nice snow footage.
OUT COLD runs a long 1:30. It is rated PG-13 for "language, crude and sexual humor, and substance abuse" and would be acceptable for teenagers.
The film is playing in nationwide release now in the United States. In the Silicon Valley, it is showing at the AMC and the Century theaters.
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