The Other Boleyn Girl Review
by [email protected] (sdo230 AT gmail DOT com)March 2nd, 2008
The Other Boleyn Girl
reviewed by Sam Osborn
More passion was put into the costuming than in the making of The Other Boleyn Girl, a period slog as interesting as a ninth grade history class. Academic comparisons aren't too apt, however, since this adaptation of Philippa Gregory's bestselling novel is bouncily light on history. Consisting instead of two sisters' malicious beddings of King Henry VIII during his marriage to Queen Catherine of Spain, the film plays out like a drab, costumed episode of "The Real World." As soon as one hottie gets the alpha male, the other hottie sleuths in for a slice of her own Type A male dominance. If nothing else, The Other Boleyn Girl proves that squeezing your actress into a bodice does not make your movie respectable.
The two sisters in question are Anne and Mary Boleyn (Natalie Portman and Scarlett Johansson), born under a poorly financed father all too willing to trade his children for the riches of social advancement. King Henry Tudor (Eric Bana), who's grown tired of his wife's miscarriages, is thought to be seeking a new mistress. The Boleyn girls are slipped under his nose and it's not long before their dresses are dropped to Henry's ravenous satisfaction. A rivalry expectedly forms between the sisters and the feline claws are released, swung in fatal whispers and the spurns of cold shoulders. But the main objective, they forget, is not to satisfy his sexual cravings, but to produce a male heir to the throne. Or it's off with her head.
For a film as rooted in sexuality as this picture is, it seems obvious that Director Justin Chadwick would want it to ooze sexiness. I mean, does a stripper go to work without make-up on? Does Brad Pitt take off his shirt if there's not a six pack hiding underneath? No, the answer is no. So why is The Other Boleyn Girl as flaccid as a Sex Education class with the lunch lady? It's pitiable how boring these PG-13 sex scenes are. Out of focus or unexplainably clothed, The Other Boleyn Girl achieves an unimaginable feat by making a film about sex that manages not to show it. And without the emotional implications of a legitimate sex scene, the ensuing drama that surrounds the assumed sexual relations is absurdly moot.
As with most screenwriters who win the Academy Award, Peter Morgan is suddenly overexposed and overworked. Pushing out political drama after political drama, the last two years have found him penning scripts on Idi Amin, Queen Elizabeth II, Lord Longford, Richard Nixon, and now King Henry VIII. The Other Boleyn Girl finds him painting in stereotypes, reducing men to their social rank and women to their skills at the double entendre.
All dressed up in furs and mounting any fertile female within reach, money could have been saved by casting a lion instead of Eric Bana. Even Scarlett Johannson and Natalie Portman are put to waste, each made to look as unattractive as the peasant girls they're supposed to outshine. And let's not confuse acting with looks, because in this film, only one is required (no matter how brilliant all three of these actors have proved themselves to be in their earlier work).
The Other Boleyn Girl is juicy gossip without the juices. It's sex without a partner. It's politics without a President. It's a costume with nothing in it. It's boring.
Sam Osborn
The Other Boleyn Girl: Directed by Justin Chadwick. Written by Peter Morgan. Starring Eric Bana, Scarlett Johansson, Natalie Portman. MPAA Rating: PG-13.
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