Speed Racer Review
by Steve Rhodes (steve DOT rhodes AT internetreviews DOT com)May 9th, 2008
SPEED RACER
A film review by Steve Rhodes
Copyright 2008 Steve Rhodes
RATING (0 TO ****): 1/2
I wanted to race to the exits after 10 minutes of this unwatchable, would-be eye candy, which is so nauseating that it could induce vomiting. There is nothing speedy about the film, as it runs a horribly bloated 136 minutes.
Based on an old cartoon series, SPEED RACER is by the Wachowski brothers. Their last film, V FOR VENDETTA, was about a bomb, while their latest is a bomb.
The targeted age group for the movie is completely unclear. Although it is rated a kid friendly PG, the movie features a young boy who gives the finger to an adult he doesn't like and includes one explicitly bloody fight. I think it's really a PG-13 picture.
The Wachowski brothers' most famous production is their MATRIX trilogy. One of the most memorable scenes from it is a mind-blowing explanation about what the Matrix is really all about. It is long, complex and intentionally hard to follow. In SPEED RACER, they use the same technique in a long and convoluted explanation about corporate mergers and soaring stock prices. The problem is that, for anyone to follow the film's ridiculous story line, one has to comprehend this verbose explanation, which will go right over the heads of all of the kids -- and probably most of the adults as well.
A blend of live action and CGI, the movie has the retro look of TRON, but painted strictly in the bright primary colors of a kindergartener's crayons. The racers zip around on tracks that appear almost like Escher prints. The editing and the cinematography turn everything into one big -- and colorful -- blur, so that it is always completely impossible to figure who is ahead. And, as previously mentioned, its flashing lights and blurry images may literally make some viewers ill.
The movie borrows liberally from many other movies, most notably BEN HUR in the shenanigans of the chariot racing. These sequences had some impact back in the 1950s but add little to SPEED RACER. The movie also plays like a wacked-out, steroid-laced version of the remake of the remake of WILLY WONKA & THE CHOCOLATE FACTORY.
Emile Hirsch, who was so great last year in his performance in INTO THE WILD, which should have earned him at least an Oscar nomination, sleepwalks his way this time in the title role. Speed's parents, that would be Mr. and Mrs. Racer, are not played any better by John Goodman and Susan Sarandon. In fact, none of the actors in the film attempt anything approaching actual acting. But the award for the worst of the lot has to be given to Matthew Fox ("Lost"), who plays the mysterious Racer X. Fox delivers a performance that is one-note shy of a one-note performance.
The story is minimal and confusing but involves an idealistic young racer named Speed, who eschews an extremely lucrative corporate sponsorship, lest he lose his independence. Roger Allam plays the nefarious Mr. Royalton, a zillionaire with crooked, yellowing teeth, who promises Speed guaranteed riches if he signs a contract and certain oblivion and poverty if he doesn't.
Before the movie's obvious ending of the big race, we have to endure a long and sappy gabfest at the Racer household. If your audience is like ours, the kids will be very fidgety by then and the babies will start to howl. Hopefully, however, you'll have long since bailed on this movie and be watching something else at your local multiplex. I sat through it all so that you don't have to.
SPEED RACER runs way, way, way too long at 2:16. It is rated PG for "sequences of action, some violence and language" and would be acceptable for kids around 10 and up.
My son Jeffrey, age 19, gave it ***, saying that it is for fans of the series only, of which he is one. He liked the way the movie never took itself too seriously. He found it entertaining and even liked the fat young brother and the monkey, his two least favorite characters from the series. Jeffrey's girlfriend Yasmin, age 18, gave it ***, saying that she thought the movie would be good for kids. She liked the bright colors and the story but found the racetracks' intricate layouts confusing.
The film is playing in nationwide release now in the United States. In the Silicon Valley, it is showing at the AMC theaters, the Century theaters and the Camera Cinemas.
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