The Texas Chainsaw Massacre Review

by Steve Rhodes (Steve DOT Rhodes AT InternetReviews DOT com)
October 23rd, 2003

A film review by Steve Rhodes
Copyright 2003 Steve Rhodes
RATING (0 TO ****): *

In 1974, a low budget horror flick called THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE got lucky and hit the big time, going on to become a cult classic. For years the studios have had what they thought was a great idea -- they'd make a bucket of money by remaking the movie. Well, you lucky moviegoers, this is the year of the remake. You'll be especially lucky if you manage to avoid this film entirely.
The Halloween movie season, which now lasts the entire month of October, is one in which there are plenty of cheap horror movies that are so bad they almost cry out for critics to take a hatchet to them. For the abominable THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE nothing less than a chainsaw will do.

Drip, drip, drip goes the blood in THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE. A barfola, it is happiest when the audience is the most nauseated. How do you spell "yuck?"
The plot has a group of teens, including Erin (Jessica Biel) and Kemper (Eric Balfour), on their way to a concert. Along the way, bad things happen to them and to the audience in this slasher flick. Filmed darkly, as if through a dirty lens, the movie features buckets of blood. The camera shots are frequently from the ground and the music stays in the low registers in an attempt to heighten the fright.

"I got just as much respect for dead bodies as anyone around here," Sheriff Hoyt (R. Lee Ermey) tells us in one of the story's many illogical lines. I just wish that director Marcus Nispel had had at least a modicum of respect for the audience by giving them at least a mildly intelligent thriller.

THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE runs 1:38. The film is rated R for "strong horror violence/gore, language and drug content" and would be acceptable for older teenagers.

The film is playing in nationwide release now in the United States. In the Silicon Valley, it is showing at the AMC and the Century theaters.
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