The Texas Chainsaw Massacre Review
by John Ulmer (johnulmer2003 AT msn DOT com)March 9th, 2004
THE TEXAS CHAINSAW MASSACRE
Rating: 4/5 stars
Review by John Ulmer
COPYRIGHT, 2004, JOHN ULMER
Call me incredibly surprised: "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" is a splendid delight--the type of horror film that fans of the genre have been waiting years to see. It far surpasses Tobe Hooper's low-budget original, and you can quote me on that if you'd like.
Nope, this critic has never been a big fan of Hooper's "classic" low budget indie film from 1974--I gave it a slight recommendation in my archive review, but nothing more than that. Quite simply, it failed to scare me, entertain me, thrill me, wow me, or send me into a state of absolute awe. I found it predictable, silly, stupid, dumb, and not-so-fun. Obviously it was filmed with a low budget--but hey, when a truck driver pulls over to the side of a road and runs away from Leatherface, then suddenly disappears in the next frame, it's hard to say that the film is amazingly recorded. (Not that I'm one to pick out technical flaws...)
So when I heard that a remake featuring Jessica Biel was being made by a former music video director, I was not excited--to say the least. The months of production passed pretty quickly for this movie lover. Then the trailer came before I could even blink, and in less than what seemed a month or two it was already in theaters.
Then I saw the movie earlier tonight and I found myself strangely absorbed in its characters and story--well, not really the characters, just the freaky updates implemented into the movie. Here we get nasty, gruesome exploitation of brutal murders that would make the Mansons cringe--so anyone who tells you that this film isn't disturbing is lying.
Anyone who says it isn't scary is lying, too. Many directors mistakenly assume that gore automatically equals thrills and scares, but not in "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre"--we get some pure, genuine scares here--the type of scenes that make the audience grab their arm cushions in suspense, only dreaming of what may come.
But we also get loads of blood--enough to satisfy any Freddy or Jason fan. We get much more blood than the original Leatherface ever sloshed around on the set of the original movie. Still, it never overpowers the thrills. Well, maybe just a little.
The plot: A pack of five teenagers on their way to a concert pick up a female hitch hiker who tells them, "You're all gonna die!" before blowing her brains out with a concealed weapon. (Which we later find out belonged to the town sheriff--hmm, what could this mean?)
After stopping at a nearby gas station for help, the teenagers find themselves in an awkward position when a mutated backwoods hillbilly sends his chainsaw-wielding son after them. "Bring it on!" the cripple yells, pounding his cane on the floor of his house, before the infamous Leatherface emerges from behind a closed door and chases our heroine out the door, eventually slicing a man's leg off and sticking him on a meat hook. (One of the most realistic and gruesome scenes I've ever had the uncomfortable pleasure of viewing.)
R. Lee Ermey is absolutely delightful as the corrupt "cop" of the Texas town--foul-mouthed and vulgar ("I used to like to get a touch," he says investigating a dead girl and fondling her), a sort of redneck version of his character from Kubrick's "Full Metal Jacket": harsh and brutal.
Biel, who I watched grow up on "7th Heaven," displays some talent amid the screaming of the cast. But unlike some of the recent so-called "horror films" where the characters are comprised of stupid, horny, busty and truly idiotic characters who run around with wet T-shirts and clasp their perfect cheeks as they scream, "The Texas Chainsaw Massacre" actually takes the time to slow down and insert some true chills and thrills. And just like the original, it doesn't rely on sex and stupid characters as a fallback method. If anything, this version succeeds far past the original--and when I say that, I don't imply that it succeeds merely on one level.
- John Ulmer of http://www.wiredonmovies.com
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