Underworld Review
by Jon Popick (jpopick AT sick-boy DOT com)September 19th, 2003
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I'll admit it - I got sucked in by the cool look of Underworld's trailer and was pretty excited to see it. Unfortunately, the cool look is about all the film has going for it. If I had known about Underworld's pedigree - which involves a prop assistant-turned-director, a stuntman-turned-writer and several stars who put the "ack" in acting - I may have been better prepared for the letdown I received when I finally saw the finished product. Underworld is a lot like Queen of the Damned: An empty box with very appealing wrapping paper.
At least the similarly themed Damned (they're both about vampires) contained the appropriate sex drive necessary to fuel a proper bloodsucker flick. Sequel-ready Underworld couldn't even get that right, though I'm sure the sight of Kate Beckinsale wearing tight black leather and vinyl getups will invigorate a fair portion of the audience. She sports the slinkiest outfit since Pfeiffer's Catwoman, but she still can't hold an ass-kicking candle to Carrie-Anne Moss from The Matrix.
You might actually think you're watching The Matrix (or Blade, or The Crow) if you see Underworld, a tale about a centuries-old battle between vampires and lychans. Beckinsale (Laurel Canyon) plays Selene, one of the top vampires and the narrator of the film, who explains that her clan fought the werewolves to near extinction many moons ago. But the remaining dogmen have a couple of tricks up their cumulative sleeve, which they hope will spoil the big upcoming vamp "awakening ceremony." One weapon is daylight bullets, but the other is far more dangerous. It seems a doctor named Michael Corvin (Scott Speedman, Dark Blue) has something special in his blood that makes the already regenerative werewolves even more unstoppable.
That means a whole lot of bad news for the vampires, but not nearly as bad as the double-crossing, blood-mixing and cross-breeding that we slowly learn about. The dark, rainy, gothic look and high-tech weaponry isn't enough to offset its repetitiveness, hammy acting and unnecessarily morose pace. But it is kind of fun to watch Speedman stumble around looking like Will Tippin from Alias finding himself in the middle of another wacky CIA/SD-6 tussle.
Fun note: Beckinsale left the father of her child, Michael Sheen (he plays the lychan numero uno), to marry Underworld's director, Len Wiseman.
2:01 - R for strong violence/gore and some language
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