Universal Soldier: The Return Review
by Tim Chandler (timbit AT canada DOT com)September 7th, 1999
Universal Soldier: The Return
Rating: 1 out of 4
The Info
Directed by: Mic Rodgers
Written by: William Malone & John Fasano
Starring: Jean-Claude Van Damme, Michael Jai White, Heidi Schanz, Bill Goldberg
Produced by: Craig Baumgarten, Allen Shapiro, Jean-Claude Van Damme
The Basic Plot
Ex-Universal Soldier Luc has to battle a group of newer-model engineered fighters gone bad.
The Review
Jean-Claude Van Damme has a one-liner early on in Universal Soldier: The Return, his latest attempt to remain relevant, that sums up this entire movie; he says "Been there, done that." No film critic could possibly sum up Van Damme's recent film choices any better. While other ageing action stars have wisely moved into other film genres (Schwarzenegger makes as many family comedies as he does action films), Van Damme stubbornly persists in sticking with what used to work for him: martial arts and guns. This unwillingness or perhaps inability to move into new genres has caused Van Damme to enter the straight to video world, with Legionnaire never seeing the inside of a multiplex. He joins fellow martial artist/action star Steven Seagal as they watch their film careers rapidly fizzle away.
Universal Soldier: The Return is truly poor. The plot is a complete copy of several action films from this decade, specifically Terminator 2: Judgement Day and the similarly named Soldier. Soldier's Kurt Russell was an older model super-soldier sent off to retirement when circumstances forced him to battle his successors, for the good of a planet; Schwarzenegger's Terminator in T2 tried to save John Connor from a newer model killing machine, the T-1000; and Jean-Claude, a former Universal Soldier, has to save the planet from the rampage of a group of, you guessed it, newer model Soldiers. Considering the poor box office performance of Soldier, it's amazing that this project was ever given the go-ahead.
Luc Devereaux (Van Damme) was the sole remaining Universal Soldier (or Unisol for short), until he was returned to a normal, if muscular, human form. In this sequel (technically the fourth film in the series, following two straight-to-video duds that were ignored here plot-wise), Luc is now a human trainer/consultant of sorts for the UNISOL program. Working with Dylan Cotner (Xander Berkeley, who interestingly also appeared in T2), the UNISOL program has engineered a tougher, fiercer fighting force with the help of super-computer SETH. Unfortunately, upon hearing that the program has been axed by the government, SETH takes control of his soldiers, killing everyone in the building except for Luc, his partner Maggie, his daughter Hillary and Erin, a reporter trapped inside. The rest of the film involves Luc trying to keep them all alive, while beating up a group of near-indestructible soldiers, most notably Romeo (popular wrestler Goldberg). There are lots of fights, gun battles, lame plot developments and a noticeable lack of plausibility.
There are so many clichés in this film that it is almost painful to watch. Luc gets saddled with the task of saving Erin the reporter early on, and in the course of a single night, they go from bickering to falling for each other, to kissing. Erin is a pathetically-written character; people are getting brutally gunned down all around her, and yet, not only does this not seem to frighten her, but she finds time to remind Luc that she "isn't leaving without her story". Whatever. Other laughable moments include a) Luc going to a strip club to get internet access (what?) and b) a group of Rangers, who after having been given good advice (Luc tells them that their weapons are useless, and shows them a specific gun which should work better), choose to go into battle with their useless weapons anyway (guess who wins the battle?). Not one single scene in Universal Soldier: The Return has any originality to it.
When fuelled by Don Davis' loud, driving music score, the film's many fights become almost passable, but mostly are full of the same ol' Jean-Claude moves. Director Mic Rodgers (a former stunt co-ordinator) keeps the action coming at a rapid pace, with only a few token serious moments to be found. His past work is evident in the many moments when characters are thrown through windows, tossed off of buildings or sent flying through the air thanks to an explosion. If only Jean-Claude weren't getting so old and slow compared to younger martial arts film actors like Jet Li, Rodgers could probably have made a decent action film.
To place the blame squarely at Van Damme's feet, however, is an injustice. I'm not sure that anyone, not even Robert DeNiro or Edward Norton, could make writers William Malone and John Fasano's script sound good. One particularly painful scene is when Erin asks Luc how he is so sure that the aforementioned strip club will have internet access. He cringes, looks down and mutters "uh...uhm... they all do, I saw it on 60 Minutes. eh he he he" The script's and indeed the entire film's only saving grace is Goldberg. He chews up every scene he is in, obviously enjoying his role immensely. He even gives the film a few laughs, as he mutters things like "I really don't like that guy" every time he fails to kill Luc. Sadly, his presence is not enough to turn Universal Soldier: The Return into anything better than a below-average action film that truly deserves to have joined its fellow sequels by going straight-to-video.
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