The Big Hit Review
by Kevin Thomas Troy (ktt4d AT virginia DOT edu)April 26th, 1998
THE BIG HIT (1998)
Directed by Kirk Wong
Starring Mark Wahlberg, Lou Diamond-Phillips, Christina Applegate.
review by Kevin Troy
absolute zero out of four possible stars
(the money scale: don't go see it even if it's free)
_The Big Hit_ is absolutely awful. It's supposed to be a spoof of Hong Kong shoot-em-up movies like _The Killer_, only it's not funny, and the action scenes are boring.
Here's an example of the movie's humor: it opens with Melvin (Marky Mark) helping a friend out by storing a dead man, contained in two garbage bags, while this friend goes out of town for the weekend. They're hitmen, you see. It's supposed to remind you of Marvin in _Pulp Fiction_, only it's neither funny, gross, nor bizarre. An extended scene follows wherein Melvin drops the corpse off at his girlfriend's. There's a lot of "they're so casual around corpses" jokes, none of which work.
Here's an example of the action: a hit scene in a hotel, wherein the hotshot pro killers Melvin works with turn out to be the three stooges (only not funny). There's lots of Executive Producer John Woo ballet gunfight attempts, but it really doesn't stack up. The cinematographer uses so many effects that you just get lost. It's a nice scene, but it doesn't measure up to recent displays of this action style, such as _Replacement Killers_ or _Face/Off_, nor does it come close to a similarly plotted hit at the beginning of _The Professional_.
The other action scenes in the movie don't make use of the special effects in the first one, which is fine, but they're also very boring.
Characters seem to be motivated by a perverse sense of camp possessed by director Kirk Wong and screenwriter Ben Ramsey. For example, an early scene has the kidnapee-- did I mention this is a kidnapping spoof? except it's not funny?-- mouthing off to the bumbling hitmen who have captured her. She's not scared, even when one of the professionals waves a gun around like he's never held one. Another scene has Lou Diamond-Philips talking at cross-purposes with his boss-- it would be funny, except it's so unrealistic that you can see the screenwriter saying, "It'll be funny because...!"
Racial stereotype jokes, of the "it's so obviously a self-parody of stereotypes, it has to be funny!" sort are not funny, especially in this movie. _Flirting with Disaster_, maybe, but not here.
A lame running gag regarding a vindictive video store clerk is a total rip off of the menacing paper boy from Savage Steve Holland's _Better off Dead_, only in _The Big Hit_, it's not funny.
The soundtrack beats your ears like a Spew sampler version of the _Amistad_ score.
Aerial cinematography is bumpy. They probably thought it would add a hip, bouncy tone to the various aerial transition scenes, but it just looks like the poor guy didn't know how to shoot.
The color schemes seem to be lifted from a Joel Schumacher Batman flick. They aren't funny, either.
_The Big Hit_ is so bad that its badness extends beyond the theater and into everyday human relations. If anyone you know recommends you see this movie, even on video or something, do not trust this person with your wallet, children, or personal information. If your dentist mentions this movie while cleaning your teeth, go to the other side of town for that filling. Please, believe me. If you want a hip, witty contract-killer movie, go see _Gross Point Blank_ or _The Professional_.
Originally posted in the rec.arts.movies.reviews newsgroup. Copyright belongs to original author unless otherwise stated. We take no responsibilities nor do we endorse the contents of this review.
