The worst day of my life is every day...
The only thing I remember from my childhood besides things I see in pictures is ts: When I was three my dad died of pulminary heart disease. I remember sitting down, smiling, having a great time and then absolutely out of nowhere just bursting into tears and falling on the floor. I wasn't the only one effected of course, when I was 6 I woke up in the middle fo the night and found my mom crying on her bed. When I tried to comfort her I found I couldn't, it all just hurt so bad to talk or think about. Nowadays that's all passed, I can talk about my dad freely without a hint of pain or remorse, because I realize that life is what it is, and had he survived so many things would be different (not that I'm saying I'm glad hes dead..). With that passed it felt like life was fine, nothing wrong at all. Then April came into my life. She was one of my best friends ever. I thought she was just normal until a day during summer break when she tried to kill herself. I tried to talk her out of it for almost four hours. When I found out that she hadn't I was releaved, but later when we got back to school..it all went to hell. Whenever I llooked at ehr, or thought of her, it hurt me to think her life was so terrible. Bringing back memories of my past it drove me insane, so I ignored her. I ignored that ****ing fact that she even existed...and now she hates me, now I hate me. Every time I see her I want to ****ing kill myself, I ruined her life even more instead of trying to help her. I say that I'm a good person, I tell people I'm nice, but deep down I'm a ****ing bastard, a piece of shit, useless little punk who's so afraid of change he would compomise another's life. I know this, and she knows this, and everyone who knows her, knows me for what I truly am. My life has gone to hell, again..