Stupid things.........

Why do we say something is out of whack? What is a whack?
Why do we sing "Take me out to the ball game," when we are already there?
Why do your feet smell and your nose runs?
Why do you need an appointment to see a psychic...shouldn't they already know you're coming?
Why does it take 15 minutes to cook minute rice?
Why doesn't glue stick to the inside of the bottle?
Why doesn't Tarzan have a beard?
Why don't they just use fattest man in the world for a hockey goalie?
Why don’t you ever see the headline "Psychic Wins Lottery"?
Why is a person who plays the piano called a pianist, but a person who drives a race car not called a racist?
Why is it called a "building" when it is already built?
Why is it considered necessary to nail down the lid of a coffin?
Why is it that bullets ricochet off of Superman’s chest, but he ducks when the gun is thrown at him?
Why is lemon juice made with artificial flavor, and dishwashing liquid made with real lemons?

How do they get a deer to cross at that yellow road sign?
How do you get the "Keep off the Grass" sign on the grass?
How do you get off a non-stop flight?
How do you know when you've run out of invisible ink?
How do you throw away a garbage can?
How does the guy who drives the snowplow get to work in the mornings?
How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if a woodchuck could chuck wood?
If a jogger runs at the speed of sound, can he still hear his Walkman?
If a pig is sold to the pawn shop, is it considered a ham-hock?
If a turtle lost his shell, is he homeless or naked?
If athletes get athlete’s foot, do astronauts get mistletoe?
If blind people wear dark glasses, why don't deaf people wear earmuffs?
If corn oil is made from corn, where do we get baby oil from?
If I save time, when do I get it back?
If rabbits' feet are so lucky, then what happened to the rabbit?
If Superman is so smart why does he wear his underpants over his trousers?
If swimming is good for your shape, then why do the whales look like the way they do?

A stitch in time saves nine. Nine what?
Are there any unguided missiles?
Are you breaking the law if you drive past those road signs that say "Do Not Pass"?
How can a stupid person be a smart-ass?
Do fat people go skinny-dipping or do they call it fat-dipping?
Crime doesn't pay... does that mean my job is a crime?
Day light savings time - why are they saving it and where do they keep it?
Do blind dogs have seeing-eye humans?
Do crematoriums give discounts to burn victims?
Do hummingbirds hum because they don’t know the words?
Do people in Australia call the rest of the world 'up over'?
When they asked George Washington for his ID, did he just whip out a quarter?
Does a man-eating shark eat women, too?
Does that screwdriver really belong to Phillip?
How can you tell when it is time to tune your bagpipes?
How come wrong numbers are never busy?
How did a fool and his money get together in the first place?

I give all of these people a DUH! - DOH! - & Woo-hoo!

HANDS-DOWN WINNER OF THE IDIOT CORPORATION AWARD!
AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months saying he lacked intellectual leadership. He received a $26 million severance package.
(Let that be a lesson to him!)

WITH A LITTLE HELP FROM OUR FRIENDS!
Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them, shouting out to give himself up.
(No one ever said you had to be "smart" to be a cop.)

NOW THIS SOUNDS LIKE IT WAS PLANNED OUT WELL...NOT!
An Illinois man, pretending to have a gun, kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines. The kidnapper then proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank account.
(Maybe he should have pretended to have a brain!)

WHEN YOU THINK YOU'RE HAVING A BAD DAY...READ THIS
Fire investigators on Maui have determined the cause of a blaze that destroyed a $127,000 home last month - a short in the homeowner's newly installed fire prevention alarm system. "This is even worse than last year, "said the distraught homeowner, "when someone broke in and stole my new security system..."
(...hmmm, could this be the Illinois guy?)

NOW THIS IS WHAT I CONSIDER A DEDICATED CROOK!
A man walked into a Topeka, Kansas Kwik Shop and asked for all the money in the cash drawer. Apparently, the take was too small so he tied up the store clerk and worked the counter himself for three hours until police showed up and grabbed him.
(Wonder if he paid himself time and 1/2 for the overtime?)

I WANNA BE A BRAIN SURGEON WHEN I GROW UP!
In Ohio, an unidentified man in his late twenties walked into a police station with a 9-inch wire protruding from his forehead and calmly asked officers to give him an X-ray to help him find his brain, which he claimed had been stolen. Police were shocked to learn that the man had drilled a 6-inch deep hole in his skull with a Black & Decker power drill and had stuck the wire in to try and find the missing brain.
(After his hospital stay, he was immediately enrolled in law school!)

FOOT IN MOUTH...UP TO THE KNEE!
Police in Los Angeles had good luck with a robbery suspect who just couldn't control himself during a lineup. When detectives asked each man in the lineup to repeat the words, "Give me all your money or I'll shoot", the man shouted, "That's not what I said!"
(Turns out, the witness was Blonde and didn't pick him!)

NOT THE SHARPEST KNIFE IN THE DRAWER!
In Modesto, CA, Steven Richard King was arrested for trying to hold up a Bank of America branch without a weapon. King used a thumb and a finger to simulate a gun but unfortunately he failed to keep his hand in his pocket.
(Banks should keep Monopoly money on hand for these bright crooks.)

😊 Funny stuff.

Why are u doin a thread about funny stuff ?

bored i guess 😬

these are real life ads 😂

1. Illiterate? Write today for free help.

2. Auto Repair Service. Free pick-up and delivery. Try us once, you'll never go anywhere again.

3. Our experienced Mom will care for your child. Fenced yard, meals, and smacks included.

4. Dog for sale: eats anything and is fond of children.

5. Man wanted to work in dynamite factory. Must be willing to travel.

6. Stock up and save. Limit: one.

7. Semi-Annual after-Christmas Sale.

8. 3-year old teacher needed for pre-school. Experience preferred.

9. Mixing bowl set designed to please a cook with round bottom for efficient beating.

10. Girl wanted to assist magician in cutting-off-head illusion. Blue Cross and salary.

11. Dinner Special -- Turkey $2. 35; Chicken or Beef $2. 25; Children = $2.00

12. For sale: antique desk suitable for lady with thick legs and large drawers.

13. Now is your chance to have your ears pierced and get an extra pair to take home, too.

14. We do not tear your clothing with machinery. We do it carefully by hand.

15. For sale. Three canaries of undermined sex. Great Dames for sale.

16. Have several very old dresses from grandmother in beautiful condition.

17. Tired of cleaning yourself. Let me do it.

18. Vacation Special: have your home exterminated. Get rid of aunts. Zap does the job in 24 hours.

19. Toaster: A gift that every member of the family appreciates. Automatically burns toast.

20. For Rent: 6-room hated apartment.

21. Man, honest. Will take anything.

22. Used Cars: Why go elsewhere to be cheated. Come here first.

23. Christmas tag-sale. Handmade gifts for the hard-to-find person.

24. Wanted: Hair cutter. Excellent growth potential.

25. Wanted. Man to take care of cow that does not smoke or drink.

26. Our bikinis are exciting. They are simply the tops.

27. Wanted. Widower with school age children requires person to assume general housekeeping duties. Must be capable of contributing to growth of family.

28. And now, the Superstore-unequaled in size, unmatched in variety, unrivaled inconvenience.

29. We will oil your sewing machine and adjust tension in your home for $1.00.

30. Free Beer!!. Tomorrow!

or people in this case 😂

My friend is so stupid: He sent me a fax with a stamp on it. He thought a quarterback was a refund. He tried to put M&M's in alphabetical order. He thought General Motors was in the army. He thought TuPac Shakur was a Jewish holiday. He tripped over a cordless phone. Wrote "Taurus" where it said "sign here." He thinks Taco Bell is the Mexican phone company.

14 Things to do While Taking a Driver's Test

1. Turn the radio on. When the tester goes to turn it off slap his/her hand.

2. Rev the car really high, turn to the tester, and say with an evil look, "buckle up!"
3. Come dressed in a suit. Before the examiner gets in the car, ask him/her to put a piece of saran wrap down so he doesn't dirty the seat.
4. When the examiner tells you to stop, pop the hood clutch and say "oops".
5. Get in the car, look down at the pedals, and say, "now which one is the gas again?"
6. After the examiner gets in the car, pop the hood, and get out and check the oil.
7. Fill your car with beer bottles.
8. The whole time driving, talk about how Aunt Gertrude smells like mothballs.
9. Tell the Registrar that you are taking the remedial test.
10. In the middle of driving, put your arm around the examiner.
11. Swear at everybody on the road.
12. When you stop at a light, start revving the engine while looking back and forth between the person next to you and the light.
13. Beep your horn at everything.
14. Break off your rear-view mirror and then ask the examiner to hold it up.

Wow 😂

not funny

Its funny how she wasted her time posting all that 😛

Originally posted by silver_tears
Are there any unguided missiles?

I think so 😖

🤣

It is too funny 🙄

Yes it is 🥷

No one like's a nitpicker ❌

Unless it's Irene 😮

😆

funny stuff

Originally posted by §pearhead
No one like's a nitpicker ❌

Unless it's Irene 😮

😮