husband and wife love to golf together, but neither of them are playing like they want to, so they decide to take private lessons.
The husband has his lesson first. After the pro sees his swing, he says, "No, no, no, "you're gripping the club way too hard!" "Well, what should I do?" asks the man. "Hold the club gently," the pro replied, "just like you'd hold your wife's breast.
"The man takes the advice, takes a swing, and WOW! He hits the ball 250 yds. straight up the fairway. The man goes back to his wife with the good news, and the wife can't wait for her lesson.
The next day the wife goes for her lesson. The pro watches her swing and says, "No, no, no, you're gripping the club way too hard." "What can I do?" asks the wife."Hold the club gently, just like you'd hold your husband's penis."
The wife listens carefully to the pro's advice, takes a swing, and THUMP. The ball goes straight down the fairway . . . about 15 ft. "That was great," the pro says.
"Now, take theclub out of your mouth and swing the club like you're supposed to!" says the pro.
a man and a woman are engaged to be married but they both die in a horrible car crash. they go up to heaven together and are greeted by St Peter who asks them if they have any questions. the man asks whether it would be possible for them to get married in heaven and St Peter goes through the gates to enquire. after many months St Peter returns with the good news that they can get married in heaven. however the couple have had a chance to talk about marriage and decide that if it doesnt work out they will need to be able to divorce in heaven too. so the man asks St Peter if they can divorce while in heaven. this pisses St Peter off and he shouts 'it took me months to find a priest in heaven do u have any idea how long it will take to find a lawyer?!'