http://www.jerrythefrogproductions.com/FellowshipOfTheRing.html <this is sooo funny!
http://www.jerrythefrogproductions.com/FellowshipOfTheRing.html <this is sooo funny!
and the sequel : http://www.jerrythefrogproductions.com/TwoTowers.html
frodo and the ripping pants
Boromir: None of us should wonder alone. You least of all. So much depends on you...Frodo?
(Frodo looks away)
Boromir: I know why you seek pants. You rip them. I see it day by day. Are you sure they do not rip needlessly?
(Frodo looks scared)
Boromir: There are other brands, Frodo. Other pants that we might buy.
Frodo: I know what you would say and it would seem like wisdom but for the patches on my pants.
Boromir: Patches? Where? We all need patches, Frodo. But to let those rippings to destroy what pants we have...don't you see that is madness!
Frodo: There are no other pants.
Boromir: I ask only for some strength in the material!
(throws down a pile of ripped pants)
Boromir: If you would but lend me some pants.
Frodo: No.
Boromir: Why do you recoil? I won't rip them.
Frodo: They are not my pants!
Boromir: Whose pants do you think you have? They are too tight on you! You will rip those pants! And you will beg for skirts before the end!
(Frodo turns away from Boromir & at that instant, the pants he was wearing ripped)
Boromir: You fool! They were not yours, save by unhappy chance! (jumps on top of Frodo)
Boromir: They should've been mine!
(Boromir recognizes the fabric of Frodo's pants)
Boromir: They were mine! Give them to me! Give them to me!
Frodo: No!
(Frodo puts on a ring, disappears and pushes Boromir off of him)
Boromir: I see your mind. You will take my pants to the tailor! With out my consent! You'll take my pants and the pants of us all! Curse you! Curse you and all the halflings!
(Frodo trips him)
Boromir: Frodo? Frodo. What have I done? Please give me back my pants, Frodo. Frodo, I'm sorry!
THE COMPLETE LOTR: ABRIDGED
FELLOWSHIP OF THE RING: ABRIDGED
Gandalf
Bilbo Baggins, your Ring is evil. In a couple decades, we'll try to destroy it. In the meantime, leave it for Frodo to play with.
Bilbo Baggins
It's not evil. It's mine. My precious. Mine! MINE, I TELL YOU!! MOOHOOHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!
(Frodo takes it to RIVENDELL. Some FRIENDS come with him. They are attacked by black riders a LOT, and it is SCARY.)
Elrond
Frodo Baggins, if Sauron ever gets this Ring, the world will be destroyed, and evil will reign forever. We must act quickly. Take the Ring to where he lives.
(They do some travelling. Some more FRIENDS come with him. Gandalf DIES in the mines of Moria, but will later be RESURRECTED in GLORIFIED form having triumphed over EVIL, an obvious literary ALLUSION to that movie where the guy comes back as a DOG.)
Boromir
Frodo Baggins, give me the Ring.
Frodo
No.
Boromir
What have I done? (dies)
THE END
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THE TWO TOWERS: ABRIDGED
(Gandalf frees THEODEN and overthrows SARUMAN. A bunch of IRRELEVANT stuff happens. Then the PLOT starts up again.)
THE END
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
THE RETURN OF THE KING: ABRIDGED
Aragorn
We must travel the Paths of the Dead.
Eowyn
You'll die.
(They don't.)
Gandalf
The Hordes of Mordor will destroy Minis Tirith. (They don't.)
Gandalf
We must attack Mordor. We'll all be killed.
(They aren't.)
Gollum
Mmmm, yummy finger! (dies)
Frodo
The Ring has been destroyed, but now we will die in Mordor.
Sam
Buck up, Master Frodo. (A bunch of feathered DEUS EX MACHINAS come out of NOWHERE and save EVERYBODY.)
THE END